The Space Between Us(92)
“Ouch! Son of a bitch,” she yelled. I reacted immediately and pounced on the door, flinging it open.
There was no blood, or even any real indication that anything terrible happened. Charlie sat on the edge of the tub, gripping her ankle, examining it closely.
“Are you ok?” I asked eagerly.
Charlie’s head snapped to look at me and instantly I saw the panic come across her face. She scrambled on the floor trying to grab her dress to cover herself. And in that very moment, that one tiny and miniscule moment in time, my entire world tilted.
It halted.
It screeched to a stop.
It nearly exploded.
My eyes took her in. She was frail looking, thinner than I had imagined her to be. She was in just panties and a strapless bra. On her side, covering every single rib bone that was clearly defined, was a large, black and intricate tattoo. I saw it and it took just a second for me to recognize my own name. My eyes went wide and locked on hers.
She looked guilty, scared, and sad.
“Why is my name tattooed on your body?” I asked, confused.
“No, Asher.” She whispered. I recognized the look of a woman on the verge of tears, but I wasn’t going to back down. I took another step into the bathroom and she took another step away from me, backing herself up against the counter.
“You can’t ignore me, Charlie. You can’t run away from what’s happening right now. Tell me. Why do you have that tattoo?” She scrambled reaching for her dress, trying to cover up what I’d already seen. I rushed further into the bathroom, grabbed her wrists, and tried to get her to answer me. “Please, Charlie, tell me.” My eyes finally found hers as she stopped struggling against me. Her mouth didn’t open and she didn’t move to answer my question. Something around her neck caught my eye and I followed the silver chain down over her collarbone and my eyes came to rest on the ring that hung between her breasts.
The promise ring I gave her thirteen years before.
I was shocked and my mouth opened slightly as my mind tried to form words that never came. I was brought back by the sounds of the sobs coming from Charlie and I looked up to see her face wet with tears. Without thinking I pulled her into me, wrapping my arms around her waist.
“No!” She shouted and pushed me away.
“You’re wearing my ring around your neck. My name is tattooed on your ribs. You can’t hide from me anymore. I see you. I see you, Charlie. It’s time to let me in.” I stepped towards her again, hoping this time she’d let me touch her, let me ground her here with me.
“Don’t,” she whispered, almost choking on the word. Wisps of her hair became wild, framing her sad face, sticking to the tears that tracked along her cheeks. I moved my hand slowly up to her and trailed my finger down her temple, catching the hair, and pushing it behind her ear. Her eyes closed at my touch and her head tilted into my palm. “You can’t do this to me, Asher.” Her voice, still whisper soft, shot through me. “I won’t survive you again.”
“Bit, you have to tell me what you’re talking about.” She began to worry me.
“That!” She wailed, gripping both of my hands that were now framing her face. She wasn’t pushing me away, or even pulling me in, she was just holding on. “You’re getting too close. This,” she reached down and grabbed the ring. “And this,” her hand ran over the tattoo. “These are mine. They’re all I have left. You were never supposed to see them.”
“But I have. I’ve seen them and now you have to tell me what it all means.” She turned away from me at my words, but still had no place to go as she was still up against the counter. I could still see her face in the mirror, her chest heaving up and down as she tried to control her breaths. “When did you get that tattoo?”
“About a year after I left.”
A whole year later? She’s had that for twelve years? For twelve years now, every time she undressed she saw my name? I moved closer to her, eliminating the space between us, pressing up against her, hoping my presence would convince her to open up and tell me everything.
“Why did you get it?”
“Because I still loved you and I wanted to remember it forever.”
“If you still loved me, why did you leave? Why didn’t you come back to me?”
“I TRIED!” She screamed. Her body shook with rage and I met her eyes in the mirror. “I came to find you. I was in pain, my babies bleeding out of me, and all I wanted was you, Asher. I only ever wanted you. I nearly had to crawl up the stairs of the frat house; that’s how much pain I was in. Gripping my stomach, praying I wasn’t losing the pregnancy, but needing you. I needed you, Asher. Needed you to be there, to help me, to comfort me, to tell me you still loved me.”
“I do still love you,” I said softly, reaching for her.
“DON’T! Don’t touch me. I saw you. I saw you with her. I opened your door and saw her on top of you and I saw your arm wrapped around her, the arm with my name tattooed on it. You wrapped my name around some other woman.”
“No,” I said automatically. “No.” I repeated, as much for her as for me. I shook my head. “I never slept with anyone else.” Charlie spun around in my arms and her hand came up to land a cracking slap across my face. It stung and it caught me off guard, but I was more shattered by the look on her face. I never wanted to see her broken, never wanted to be the cause of her pain.