The Girl Who Cried Wolf(26)
‘Maybe because life is painful and cruel, Ben.’ I am starting to feel a little cross with this child, talking like a wizened man of a hundred. It is unnerving when someone so much younger has overtaken your knowledge. For some reason, I am reminded of my grandma frantically pressing every button on the remote control in search of the right one. She would always get teletext instead of EastEnders, or the TV guide instead of Countdown. Then she would look at me as I swiped it impatiently from her and put it right. Grandma always hated the advancement of technology, saying that things were best left alone.
Ben was making me empathise with her; he was calm and knowing and I was overwhelmed as he continued. ‘Life isn’t easy. People have bad parents, bad relationships. People get sick. Without realising it, they become bitter and their fear and resentment feed the anger so they do bad things. Other people have the strength to move on from a sad place, and follow the truth inside their hearts. I know some who had terrible childhoods that went on to live happy, fulfilled lives, becoming wonderful parents themselves. They are enlightened and progression comes to some more naturally than others, but all the same it is available to each and every one of us.’
‘Do you really think life can be simple? Can people find happiness through their pain?’
‘You did, Anna. You got sick, then you found love. Maybe you have more to learn.’ He looks behind him, then back to me. ‘It would seem as though you do.’
‘What you said about standing still, I often felt like that before I was ill, like every day was the same … starting with an alarm piercing my dreams and ending with a collapse into bed. Where was my progression? I was just a hamster on a wheel doing the same thing over and over.’
Ben smiles and tells me so many people were the doing exactly that. ‘But think about it.’ He turns to look at me with beautiful dark eyes. ‘You were a baby needing constant care, then you grew stronger and more independent as your body changed in to a child and then into a young woman. Progression begins from the moment you are conceived, and it is affected by the influences around you as you grow. These are different for all of us. Good families, bad families, rich, poor. Those influences are endless, but there is only one thing that can truly navigate how much or little you progress.’
I nod as I understand. It is down to each one of us, how hard we struggle and fight for the life we desire, or how much easier we may find it to simply drift and hope things will turn out OK. It had been down to me to progress to my full potential and I had chosen not to.
Even when my life was to be taken away from me, deep down I knew I was still drifting. I could have fought against the tide but it seemed too strong for me. I even let Michael go when he talked of hope with my mother and told me I might survive. I had chosen not to fight.
Michael didn’t give up on me; he came back to Elm Tree with Pinto. He was brave. Perhaps that is why he is still living and I find myself here with Ben.
Ben reads my mind and says gently, ‘You could have been more positive during your illness, Anna, but you couldn’t have cured it. You were meant to come here – it is the life you lived before that which you need to analyse now. It would be better if you thought about changing your perspective while you are here.’ He turns to face me, sitting crossed-legged on the sandy shore.
‘Imagine if at the point of death, everyone had a chance to look over their lives and consider what they would have done differently. If every person who consistently did bad things suddenly stopped and learned to live through the light, do you think they would be given a second chance to keep on living?
‘Can you imagine a drunk father beating his child, suddenly dropping to his knees with true remorse and promising to only give love and comfort from that day on? Or if every world leader took care of their people and made sure they could live in a land without poverty, famine, or war? Imagine there was no need to feel superior, from a mouse to a lion to a neighbour of lesser means. We are all children of the same stars, Anna.’
‘Children of the same stars?’ I contemplate his words and feel the power of the immense universe around me. How comforting to think that all life forms I had ever seen or known were part of a kin. An overwhelming prospect even for someone who had died, yet I talked and breathed still. I saw a tiny green bug scuttling in the grass next to my bare feet, and felt a rush of a guilt that I may have flicked him away before I realised he had as much right to live as I did; That he began his little life as I had, tiny and vulnerable, following the progression of nature to thrive and grow. Wherever we began, we certainly end up at the same eventuality.
Ben watches my eyes following the creature and smiles. ‘Everything has its place. All things are connected.’
‘So what else?’ I ask him, finding such happiness in his simple words, depicting the answers to questions we already know deep within ourselves.
‘The universe gives birth to life you cannot even begin to imagine, but think of the trees, animals, and people you have walked passed in your lifetime without consideration that they are your kin, part of an intricate network within which we are one family. Each with our place that makes us connect and most importantly, progress. To understand, to live and breathe such truth is the path to enlightenment.’
I look at Benji, wondering how someone so young can speak with such certainty.
‘Isn’t that just idealistic? People will always be cruel. It’s in our nature to think only of ourselves, no one really cares about other people. Leaders cause famine and war, spouses cheat, and people kill. I’ve seen children throw rocks at birds and stamp on wild flowers. The world can be so terrible, Ben, you would never know where to start! Where would you even begin to make it better?’ I close my eyes as vibrations begin to stir and escalate all around me.