The Girl Who Cried Wolf(22)
I remember silently, ‘A natural at flying through the air.’
‘Don’t be afraid, Anna.’
He must have seen my expression so I try to look less worried and tell him, ‘Maybe tomorrow, I have a sore head today. Will he be OK in the meadow?’
Michael doesn’t look like he believes me but he must not want to burst our happy bubble so he just smiles and says, ‘Sure. He lives out at home. I’ll just check his water and we can leave saddling him up until the morning; when you feel better.’
I am quite certain that I will still have a headache, and that it will possibly be slightly worse tomorrow.
***
My Father greets Michael with a death-grip handshake and a rather menacing stare. ‘Well, nice to meet you, Michael. Unfortunately, I’m off to Leeds on business for a few days, so err … watch yourselves now.’
Izzy is pulling faces behind his back and Michael and I try hard to stifle our laughter. My father has a very stiff upper lip, and very few social skills. Still, he takes my apparent joy and this new arrival as his excuse to take leave from the tense household for a while, hoping he will not be too missed.
My mother breezes past and smiles pleasantly at us. ‘Izzy and I are dropping your father off at the station, and then we’re going to dinner and a show. We’ll be back late.’ She half smiles and I can barely believe she is behaving almost human and giving Michael and I some time alone; although she could have been a bit more subtle about it.
As soon as they leave, an excruciatingly painful shyness descends upon me. The grandfather clock in the hall ticks in loud echoes, as though enhancing my nervous silence.
‘Are you hungry?’ I ask him.
‘No. Are you?’ He’s half smiling again.
‘No. I can’t remember what hungry feels like.’
‘I can.’ He stares at me and I give an involuntary shake of pleasure. Or nerves. I’m not sure which.
‘Would you like me to show you the house?’ I had heard Father saying this haughtily to his guests and copied his impressive tone.
‘Show me your bedroom.’ It is almost a whisper and I feel like my legs might fail me as I lead up the long sweeping staircases. Thankfully, the heavy curtains are still mostly closed and I feel relieved that it casts a more flattering light on both the dishevelled room and my pain-ravaged body.
He pulls me towards him once more and there is nothing else to do but accept my fear and live through it. Fear that he will see my thin body and be repulsed, fear I cannot make the wild love he may be expecting or that it might hurt as it had before. Daniel had left me disappointed and used, like someone had taken a beautiful silk scarf and blown their nose on it. I close my eyes and my thoughts mercifully lift, little dandelion wisps being carried away on a breeze, as he kisses me until all of my doubts drift away.
I lift my arms as he pulls my dress slowly over my hips and my head. I grasp at his T-shirt and breathe gently over his lean, strong body. I run my palms down the firm muscles of his chest and arms.
We move towards the bed and he lies me down gently. It feels right that he is taking control, pausing for a moment to look at my naked body as I lie shyly beneath him. While he watches me with hazy eyes, I silently pray he will not ask me to take off my wig. He doesn’t. Instead, he kisses from my neck to my navel, hard kisses that speak louder than words we no longer require.
I am absorbed in every moment of his exploring lips but I have a greater need, and pull him towards me to kiss him with urgency.
When Michael is inside me, I forget everything else.
I almost laugh with sheer joy as this new feeling consumes my entire being. It is beautiful, and as cliché as it sounds, I know this is the difference. It’s beautiful because I love him.
I’ll take my chance to be happy. Whether it’s for the next few hours or days, I do not care, because when we are together like this, I have become someone else. I am his and he is mine, and we have found something that matters. For the first time in my life I feel a sense of contentment and heart-aching happiness, and it feels so right maybe I do deserve it.
***
A little while later he looks down at me and brushes the falling hair from my face with his fingers. I try to discreetly scratch my scalp.
‘Is it bothering you?’
‘A little, now I’ve been hot under it!’ I feel comfortable enough to let him ease the wig from my head and take off the netting underneath.
‘Beautiful.’ He smiles so honestly that I almost believe him. My hair is barely there, but it’s growing back just a little. I’m not entirely bald.
‘Shall we go riding? It’s a perfect time. Sunset.’
I hesitate for a second, not wanting to disappoint my new-found love. He does not give me time to think of an excuse, as he leaves the room quickly, telling me to wrap up warm.
I touch up my makeup, try to find some warm clothes that are both sexy and sensible, and run to find him in the meadow with Pinto.
Pinto really is a beauty. He is black and white with a long, silky black mane that reaches far down past his neck. He looks like one of the painted horses Native Americans would ride into battle.
I reach up tentatively and stroke his neck. ‘Should we be riding when we’re ill?’
Michael just smiles and adjusts the reins, leading the horse to the fence. ‘I can’t ride yet. You’ll have to do it for me. Don’t worry, I’ll lunge him so you’ll just go in steady circles.’