The Girl Who Cried Wolf(24)

‘Yes, Anna. I love you.’ I smile contentedly and fall soundly asleep.

The following day, Michael left to go to the hospital for physiotherapy and have the last of his stitches removed. That left me with an anxious-looking mother, as I had barely spoken to her since she forbade my riding.

‘We have two more days until the operation, is there anything you would like to do?’

‘Any last requests?’ I couldn’t resist the nasty joke.

‘I was going to take you to Northampton but your grandfather is still too poorly, and now Grandma is unwell also. Cheryl and Natasha sent you a lovely card this morning, but they’re in Newcastle with their mother. Isabel is out today so perhaps we could do something just the two of us? I know Michael will be back tomorrow so I won’t see much of you then.’

She finally paused to take a breath and eye me with caution.

‘I’m meeting Jules and Eddie,’ I said firmly, although I had only decided to in that instant. The thought of spending possibly my second last day alive with my depressed, overbearing mother was not an option.

I left her alone in the hallway and ran upstairs to find my phone. A little whistle signalled a new message and I smiled as Michael reminded me to feed Pinto. I texted him that of course I will, and then add that I miss him, before scrolling down to Jules’ number.

‘We’re in the Whistling Duck!’ She already sounded drunk, and I tell her I would be there in an hour.

Mother appeared in my doorway. ‘Anna, do you really think it’s a good idea to meet up with those two today? You know they’ll be drinking and you have to be so careful on your medication. Can you not take it easy and wait for Michael?’

I snorted and was already pulling a dress over my head, trying not to mess up my wig.

‘At least let me take you. I’ll drive you and pick you up later.’

‘Stop it, Mother! Please stop treating me like an invalid. I can meet them. I can catch a bus to see my friends and make my own way home! I’m not dead yet. Just because you’re happy cooped up in this mausoleum all day does not mean I want to stay here with you. Now more than ever!’

For the second time that day I leave her looking bereft as I grab my bag and push past her. I hope she does not see me as I have to steady myself on the landing and a new wave of dizziness overcomes me.

I take a few deep breaths and head out of the door to walk unsteadily down Elm Tree Lane. I do not feel at all well, and I hear Mr Raj’s stern voice telling me I needed to spend my time in a complete state of rest.

My legs are trembling as I turn back towards my childhood home. I see my mother standing at the landing window watching me, and I try to call out to her, but my final thought as I crash to the floor is that I have forgotten to feed Pinto.





Part Two

‘In the night of death, hope sees a star

And listening love can hear the rustle of a wing.’

Robert G Ingersoll





Chapter Six:


Life After Life


A pulse echoes through my body. Not my heart or the pain that has been so grimly persistent at my temples, it is a pounding beat getting louder and louder. A separate force is pulling the base of my neck, forcing me into an upright position. All sense of normality and reality abandon me as I am lifted up and turned over to see myself lying on the hospital bed. That is definitely me. Wretched and pale, and although I am still wearing my green dress, she is lying naked, covered to the chest with a pale blue sheet. I hear a droning beep from a machine to the right, and a strange clamp is fitted to my skull, standing by which, both dressed in surgical gowns, are Mr Raj and another man I’ve never seen before.

I am standing at the base of the bed and I struggle to hear, as they are talking with muffled voices covered by masks. The buzzing increases and vibrations begin to fill the air. A nurse is heading towards me and I stand strong, I already know she will not see me. Only her eyes are visible as she too wears a white mask and her hair is covered, but they are beautiful and dark, with long, thick lashes. Her brows are perfectly arched like a screen siren from the fifties. As envisaged, she walks straight through me, and I try to tune out the intense buzzing but it is impossible. I close my eyes as the vibrations become ever more pervasive, and I hear her say before a great rush carries me away, ‘Those flowers remind me there is beauty in this world.’

***

I’m surrounded by light, inescapably cocooned in a ball of comfort and illumination. I feel something that is impossible to express, as I accept that my life is over yet my journey has not been ended. I begin to feel incredible peace, and the light that enfolds me speaks in a language of acceptance and love. I think I wish to remain here for all eternity, but my body is moving on and I think of dandelions being carried away on the breeze. I am a Chinese lantern floating softly among a never ending sky of brilliant diamonds. The movement is constant, with a purpose, and from the depth of my being I am conscious of still existing while I move further and further away from Michael, my family, and all I’ve known to be life.

I feel not a moment of sadness.

As I drift with no expectation through the unending light, I see a Being that seems to be made up of sparkling crystals. It moves in perfect sync with me, an almost human shape, with the same head and four limbs, but much taller and leaner and made up of only illuminations. I am mesmerised.