TABOO: THE COMPLETE SERIES(31)

Sometimes the pain made me numb, other times I felt every single thing.

Each time it happened, a part of me died.

And I told myself it was okay. That everything died sooner or later.

For Weldon I was the equivalent of a ragdoll. I’d just lie there with my slack limbs and wait. I would wait to have some control of my body.

He would bend and twist me in ways that made me fear for my life but I quickly learned that ragdolls can’t afford to have fears.

Sometimes he pushed me aside when it was over and other times he would remind me that I was his little bitch.

That day, he pushed me aside.

I didn’t have the strength to get up and wash him off me so I just stayed where I was because it caused the least amount of pain. I pulled up my shorts and hoped that exhaustion would take over.

But when it did I had nightmares.





JAKE


"Get up." Someone kept trying to wake me but I couldn't get my eyes to open long enough to see their face.

"Go away!" I tried to push them off.

"Jake?" I heard Trey's concerned voice. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and made out two forms. One belonged to Trey and the other belonged to Mace. Mace, who knew everything. Who’d been watching every debasement, and knew the story of every wound and every scar. Did he know Weldon raped me last night?

My voice was hoarse. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you have a death wish?” Mace inquired.

“I don’t understand.”

“No, you don’t Jake. You don’t know the meaning of stop making things worse.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

Mace gestured to Trey. “Exhibit A.”

I looked at Trey and he was carrying bottles of medicine. “I just came to give you this,” he said, coming over to me and sitting down next to me on the bed. “How’re you feeling?”

I wanted to tell him. I wanted to ask him why he’d left me alone last night. No matter how much I’d insisted he leave, I didn’t really want him gone.

“I went to get your medicine,” Trey said, handing me the pills and some water. “But when I was coming back, I saw him. I didn’t think it would be a good idea to be around while he was here.”

For some reason, I felt a stab of pain when he uttered those words. I silently downed the pills and handed the glass back to him. “It’s fine. It’s good that you didn’t come back,” I paused and glanced at Mace. “In fact, I don’t think you should be coming here anymore, Trey.”

“Listen to the kid, he’s being smart for once.”

But Trey ignored Mace. “You’re not going to listen to him, are you?”

“I saw the two of you making out last night,” Mace said. “If I saw, anyone else could see. Don’t you fucking get it?” Mace turned his attention to Trey. “He’s a stupid, messed up kid, but you’re not! You’re supposed to be smart, you got a medical degree for fuck sake! And yet you were acting like a bunch of horny teenagers. Well, technically he’s still a horny teenager but what’s your excuse?”

“Fuck you,” Trey said. Mace wasn’t reacting the way he was supposed to but was being rather patient. “Careful, Doc.” There was threat in that voice but at least he hadn’t acted on it.

“Trey, he’s just trying to help,” I said.

Trey glared at Mace. “I’m not buying it.”

“You should leave now,” I said, without hesitating for a moment. Trey couldn’t believe what I was saying. He seemed surprised. “You’re weak,” I wanted to say, but I didn’t. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

“Jake…”

“Please. I just want to be alone right now.”

I didn’t wait to see what Trey thought of that and turned away from him. When I finally heard the door close, I turned to look at it.

“Not everyone’s a savior,” Mace said.

He was right.

I needed to stop living in fantasy.

Weldon was the only reality that mattered. That and the pain were the only truths. “Mace, will you please do me a favor?”

“I’ll try.”

“Don’t let him come back here.”

“Sure. I can have someone pick up your meds. You won’t have to see him if you don’t want.”

“I don’t.”

Mace was gone.

All that was left in the room was me and the silence. I kept thinking of all that had happened, not just yesterday or last night, not just in Weldon’s dungeon, but everything that happened before it, with Dad and Colton and my Mom. All the times my father beat us up and all the times my mother tried to save us, and failed. All the times I tried to save my brother and failed. All the times my father tried to sell off my services to people who I hated. All the times I couldn’t do anything about it. My brain kept going in this vein and made it impossible for me to go back to sleep.

I couldn’t leave.

I was trapped.

Inside this room and inside my brain.

The only way to be free would be to die.





TABOO 4





JAKE


My eyes hovered over the knife on the table.