TABOO: THE COMPLETE SERIES(29)

I realized he was trembling. I lifted my hand off his thigh and tossed the empty syringe aside. Colton sank down against the clammy wall as the drug spread up his arm and to his heart, slowing him down.

I watched him, the slow rise and fall of his chest and the slackness of the muscles in his body that were getting slacker as the drug reached various parts of him and finally the brain.

He closed his eyes.

At least he wouldn’t have nightmares.

I turned away from him, hating myself more than I've even hated Weldon in all our time together.





JAKE


My body was numb from shock.

Minutes felt like hours and hours felt like days. The lingering doubts in my mind about Weldon killing me from this beating kept making things worse but there came a time when I was beyond worrying about dying.

It felt like transcendence. Only there was nothing remotely spiritual or divine about this experience. No. This felt more like something right out of the depths of hell. At first there was pain but then the pain became something completely different.

Whack. Whack. Whack.

I could no longer feel the sharp stings of the stick, not even when Weldon used the wider end to cause more pain. I could feel my skin swelling up and pulsating every place he had hit. He started with my upper body, the shoulders, and the sting was unlike anything I’d experienced. I couldn’t explain what it felt like exactly but I felt every hit not just on my body but also on my chest.

I don’t think I was in my senses because I ended up drooling all over the floor and most of it was blood. Every time I was about to lower my head from exhaustion, Weldon would pull my head back up and begin again.

It would stop when he wanted it to stop.

It would end when he wanted it to end.

And even though it was my body I was not in control of it.

It was past the point of begging and groveling, past the point of appealing to his humanity—you couldn’t appeal to something that wasn’t there.

All I could do was wait. I had no concept of time but it seemed to have been going on for hours. It wouldn’t end. It wouldn’t fucking end.

And then, he stopped. Or time did. Or the world. Or me. I wasn’t sure which because I was so completely disoriented. All I knew was that I couldn’t hear that awful thud of the stick connecting with my body. I still couldn’t feel a thing and I don’t really think I was awake. But I wasn’t asleep either, I was just somewhere in between with the clouds… yes there were clouds.

Slowly, I felt myself coming to and the first thing I noticed was the disgusting wetness around my crotch. I didn’t know when that happened. And I started to cry because I was embarrassed. They saw me doing this, it wasn’t just Weldon. I couldn’t face them, especially Mace. I couldn’t bear to look at them even though none of this was my fault.

I wanted someone to come and hold me but I knew I was disgusting and I didn’t deserve to be that close to someone.

But even though I was disgusting, someone pulled me up from the chair. I noticed that I was no longer in chains. That person carried me to the room, the one I shared with Weldon and it was the last place I wanted to be in but I had no choice. He helped take off my soiled clothes and took me to the bathroom. He helped me get under a shower and washed me up and everything hurt endlessly. Halfway through the shower I realized that person was Mace. And for some reason, he wasn’t hating me. He wasn’t laughing or making fun of me. He just stood there trying to help. I realized how strong he was when he lifted me up and carried me to the bed. He was staring at me and the look in his eyes, I’d never seen it before. I’d never thought he could look at anyone like that. “I know it seems like the worst thing that could have happened,” he said. “It looks bleak and you want to find a way to escape from all this, but the world outside doesn’t exist for you. Weldon made sure of that when he brought you here. I know things are bad right now but stop making them worse.”

I felt exhausted and like I could sleep for a million years.

“You’d be surprised what people can get used to, Jake.”





JAKE


There was someone there in the room with me.

I saw their vague silhouette, on the bed next to me but I couldn't make out his face. The pain hit me, and it was unbearable.

"Jake?" this time he spoke to me.

The haze cleared a little and I finally saw his face. Seeing him must have brought back some stuff. Good stuff. The only good stuff I'd had for a long time and without thinking I pulled him to me. I just wanted to feel him close. It was awkward and it hurt when he hugged me back but I didn't care.

"Jake..."

"I'm stupid, Trey. I couldn't save him."

"Shhhh. No need to think about all this right now. It will be okay. Everything will be okay. I'm right here."

I felt awful clinging to him but I couldn't stop. He finally broke away and stared into my eyes. Only, I couldn't bear to look at him. "What's wrong, Jake?"

"I don't deserve you."

"No, don't say that. This isn't your fault." He tried to hug me again and I cried out in pain. It happened before I could keep myself from screaming. He pulled away. "Let me see."

"It's nothing, I'll be fine..."

"I'm not going anywhere until you show me," he said and reached for the buttons of my shirt but I stopped him. He looked confused. "Jake?"