TABOO: THE COMPLETE SERIES(30)

"I can't," my voice trembled. I can't let you see me. "It's ugly." I'm ugly.

"Take it off."

I started to take my shirt off but I felt embarrassed that he would know this about me. Those weren't wounds on my body they were stories. They were images of Weldon treating me like I wasn't a person but something inferior. Less than human. Not worthy of love or attention. Not worthy of hope.

Even the simple task of taking off my shirt became impossible because the shirt kept sticking to the open wounds. Trey helped peel that thing off but that just made the pain a lot worse. I was afraid of him touching me, afraid of any more pain.

He was being careful, but it still hurt and I broke down when he tried to touch a particularly painful wound on my back. Trey stopped and held me again, more cautiously this time. "I'm sorry," he said, and it was stupid right, this wasn't his fault. He gently pulled away from me and stood. "I'll go see what he has in the medicine cabinet," he said, walking toward the bathroom.

"Does he know you're here?" I asked.

"No. Mace called me. I was a little surprised to be honest." As was I. But I didn't talk about Mace or how he'd tried to be nice to me. I'd been wrong about Weldon. I might be wrong about what I thought Mace was feeling. It wasn't love or anything like that. It was concern. But who knows what these people, who've always been Weldon’s slaves, feel.

Trey came back with a first aid box and a bottle of pills. He got me a glass of water and two of those pills. "They'll help with the pain," he said. "I'll bring down some antibiotics later."

He grabbed the box and started cleaning the wounds. The pain pills hadn't started working and I thought I was going to pass out. He was working with quiet concentration.

"Trey?"

"Yeah?"

"I like it when you're around."

"Jake..."

"I never fell for Weldon. I just pretended I did."

He said nothing. So, I kept going. "I wanted you that night. I wanted it to be you."

Why was I telling him all this?

"I mean, I know it doesn't change anything..."

"You wanted me to be your first?"

I nodded. He stared at me, not disbelief but curiosity. "When you didn't want to sleep with me,” I explained. “I was a little disappointed. I was hoping I'd run into you again. But I went home, and... and everything changed."

For a moment, he continued to stare but then he grabbed my face and started kissing me. "You know how long I've been waiting to do that?"

"Trey, if he finds out..."

"I don't care!"

He'd raised his voice and it launched me into panic mode, because I kept hearing Weldon yelling inside my head. Trey saw this and tried to calm me down. "I'm sorry. Jake?"

I felt dizzy and like I was suffocating. Trey kissed me again without warning and the panic started to leave my body. The more we kissed the more I wanted him. But eventually we had to stop.

I grabbed on to his shirt. "You need to leave."

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I was suddenly terrified. For me and for him. Just the thought of Weldon walking in on us… my head felt like it was about to explode.

“Jake?”

“You have to leave...”

I could hear the grating sound of the stick connecting with my body, whack, whack, whack…

I wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t.

It would stop when he wanted it to stop.

It would end when he wanted it to end.

My body was trembling again. Shaking uncontrollably and I heard all these strange noises, sounds of an angry ocean and rustling leaves…

It would stop when he wanted it to stop.

It would end when he wanted it to end.





JAKE


I must have passed out.

Because I woke up when I felt someone in bed with me, and I felt his hand on my crotch. It was pretty much the only place in my body that didn’t hurt. It was dark and the light from one bedside lamp fell on the bed, making things only semi visible. It took me a while to come to my senses but when I did I found Weldon trying to get on top. He kept trying to kiss me and when I didn’t, he did it forcefully. His hand was on my crotch, grinding against my cock. His shirt was unbuttoned, I could feel his chest against me and he kept trying to make me feel something but I felt nothing. I just wanted him to stop but he was drunk, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. If he didn’t listen to reason without alcohol, I had no need to even think about what he was with a few drinks in him. I wanted to push him away, every time he tried to touch me or kiss me but I couldn’t do it. Everywhere he touched my body was breaking out in pain. Even the pills hadn’t been able to help for long. I heard his belt loosening, and it scared me. He was stroking himself.

It got worse when he forced me to turn over and got on top, and I felt his weight on my back, making everything hurt worse and he didn’t stop when I started to cry. He just forced himself into me, and that hurt too, and he didn’t care that I was tired of the pain…

It would stop when he wanted it to stop.

It would end when he wanted it to end.

I had to acquire the art of waiting.

I had learned that sometimes, all I could do was go somewhere, in my mind, somewhere far away from this place and this prison. Sometimes it worked. Other times, I just kept reminding myself over and over that eventually it would end. Even if it ended with me, it would still end.