TABOO: THE COMPLETE SERIES
Kol Anderson
TREY
The world is always falling apart.
We look for virtue in chaos, but there are no answers in wrecks. If it wasn’t for Jake’s effortless beauty in the face of all the ugliness, I wouldn’t have taken that detour. I wouldn’t have been enamored by a boy who needed nothing more than to fuck, but with Jake nothing was ever simple. He was one of those people born with a complicated life and it showed in the way he gazed at things that weren’t there, lost in space and time, not just metaphorically. The drugs did most of his thinking for him, whatever it was he was captivated with at any given moment, however temporary—the next hit of coke from his friend’s coffee table, or the pills stashed deep into his pockets that only came out to end up in his bloodstream.
The first time I saw him, it was at one of those parties where everyone fucks everyone else and in the morning, you’re supposed to forget. That sort of thing was never me but it’s surprising how much we’re capable of doing for people we consider friends.
I was at the bar, nursing a glass of bourbon when he nudged me hard enough for me to knock my drink over. He apologized briefly but neither of us could stop staring. He finally broke the trance and climbed the bar counter in one fluid motion. When he looked at me with those unhappy eyes, I felt it in my bones. I wanted to do to him everything that was possible for a man to do to another man. I wanted to be inside him, and I wanted him to be so captivated by me he forgot whatever it was that made his eyes sad, or gave him that cut right above his brow, or the bruise covering most of his left eye—a bruise that I was certain left a darkness deep inside his soul and kept him trapped in a prison none of us could see.
I watched him unload a vial of GHB in a glass of orange juice and every movement was sex. He wasn’t doing anything and he was still seducing me. I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he finished the liquid in mere seconds and I watched some of that liquid fall on his bare chest and I killed the urge to lick it off. “Do you have to get high?”
He looked at me with renewed interest. “Yes.”
His body was flawless.
His hairless chest glistened under the dim lights of the apartment that we were all hanging out in. There must have been a dozen people in there, and the crowd was a bit much for my taste. “You don’t sound like you’re having a lot of fun,” the boy with no shirt said.
“I’m not.”
The response was supposed to make him stop asking more questions, but it didn’t deter him. “Then why’re you here?”
“Because I have to say yes to Zach every dozenth time he asks me to come to one of his events.”
“You’re a friend of Zach?”
“Isn’t everyone?”
“I like Zach.”
“Is it because you like everyone?”
He had a confused look on his face. Maybe I said something that took him by surprise. It wasn’t intentional. I merely wanted to engage him in small talk that wouldn’t lead anywhere. But my brain was screaming the opposite and maybe that part of me wanted this conversation to keep going, at least as long as he found me interesting.
“Jakey!!!” Zach’s loud voice thundered in my ear. Even the music wasn’t loud enough to drown that rumbling bass pitch.
I didn’t even acknowledge Zach, as he went up to Jake and kissed him on the mouth, a full, hard kiss, like they were going to start making out right there but fortunately they stopped. “You know, I can tell by your kissing exactly how many hits you’ve had, Jake.” Zach was making a joke, but I hated that he was touching Jake in all the wrong ways and that they were too close. Jake smiled sheepishly and Zach poked him playfully in the ribs and turned to me. “You should stick with me, Trey. Slut boy here, gets extra slutty after a few hits. Isn’t that right?” Zach, annoying as he was, failed to put the boy at ease and Jake wasn’t enjoying the banter. Zach didn’t notice how the boy flinched at his words, or how he covered a grimace with a well-timed fake-smile. Zach put his arm around the boy, pulled him down from the counter and almost forced him to follow.
I would have broken the glass I held in my hand if it wasn’t for all the hidden reserves of patience I was bringing into use. Jake was still staring at me, I couldn’t help but notice. But he was leaving me and going with Zach, so I had no choice but to stay calm. The boy didn’t owe me anything, I couldn’t have expectations of him, we only just met. But that didn’t change the fact that I hated Zach right now. Honestly, I didn’t get Zach’s allure. Sure, he was hot but so was I, if most of my exes were to be believed, but Zach was flaky and unreliable which was not an attractive trait at thirty-seven. He was careless and it annoyed me that people always seemed to take his shit, because he was cocky and obnoxious and acted like he owned the world. He couldn’t act that way with me, I’d set him straight—I had set him straight a bunch of times, but we’re high school friends and that’s the kind of thing you don’t give up over minor grievances. But even though we grew up in similar households, Zach and I were poles apart. We wouldn’t even be friends if we hadn’t ended up living together as roommates while we were searching for jobs and making a career. Regardless, here we were. I was reduced to pining over that boy while Zach had him under his spell. Or maybe it was the G. But they were closer together now and their bodies were making movements in harmony and I needed to stop this from happening. But I did nothing as I watched them move to one of the empty rooms and closing the door. After that it was a boring hour of listening to incredibly loud music, and watching random people have sex on Zach’s furniture.