See How She Runs (The Chronicles of Izzy #1)(30)

It is time. I don’t have very long before I must leave you. In fact, I just have a few hours. I just wanted to say goodbye. I know there is so much more that I should have told you. I know that in the grand scheme of things I am leaving you with more questions than answers. I just don’t have time to explain it all. If you ever need me, you can find me in your dreams. As long as I live, I will be there. Call out to me and I will answer. I love you more than you will ever know.

Be brave my sweet girl. You have been my sunshine these last 8 years. I hope that someday that brightness shines on the rest of the world. I know what I hope from you, and what others will ask of you, but ultimately the choice is yours. Remember to trust yourself, you know how to do everything you need to. You just have to trust in yourself to find the right path. I will miss you so much, my little Izzy bear.

Please don’t ever doubt that you were and are still loved. Goodbye.

I hope that someday we may meet again beyond the fog. I hope that God grants me the strength to make it long enough to help you. But most of all I hope that God grants me enough days to see you safe.

I love you without end,

Mom





I wiped the tears from my eyes, once more feeling her love seep from her words. I finally admitted to myself how much of a void her absence had left in my life. I was always close to both of my parents, but my mother was like an ethereal creature. She was the light to my father’s darkness. There was always something so guarded and cautious about my father. He loved us both without abandon, but he was never carefree like my mother. Even knowing all she knew, she was still able to give me a childhood filled with joy and adventures under the Alabama sun. I missed them both so much. The years that I had repressed, the longing suddenly came rushing back to haunt me.

I lay down on my pillow, hoping to pull myself back to the present, but instead I was pulled into a parade of phantoms once more. Polaroids of time flash before my eyes like an old photo album. I saw my mother’s face lit up with a knowing smile while she was held under my watchful father. I saw my father twirling me in the air and remembered screaming, "Higher!" I saw snippets of a childhood filled with love and laughter. But in the periphery I caught glimpses of my mother’s worry. I caught silent talks between my mother and father when they thought no one was watching. The first eight years of my life were laid out like stepping stones.

Hours slipped away as I lay there immersed in a time long gone. I finally allowed myself to mourn the loss of my father. To mourn the loss of a mother that I may never see again. I finally understood that it was not just my childhood that was altered by the Corporation. In so many of my memories, a ghost of Kennan echoed. He was there with my father as they shared inside jokes, borne over hundreds of years of history together. It was not just me that had lost my parents. Kennan lost his best friend, and yet he still promised to watch out for me. I knew that it must be impossibly hard to face someone that was a constant reminder of everything he had lost.

I lay there, inanimate, for some time before the knocking on my door pulled me from my thoughts. I rubbed my eyes checking for moisture, but found they were finally dry.

“Yeah?" I choked out, hoping the frailty in my voice was not evident to anyone else.

“Umm, Iz?” Kennan asked hesitantly.

“What?" I made no effort to get up and move to the door. He could tell me what he wanted from where he was. I really had nothing left to give him on this day. My tears had run dry and my emotional gauge was resting at empty.

“Can I come in for a minute? I need to say some stuff. Well,” he sounded off, like he had something stuck in his throat, “yeah, please just let me in.”

“It isn’t locked, Kennan. Just come in." I didn’t mean to sound brusque, but like I said earlier, nothing left to give.

He opened the door and I noticed the sadness lingering behind his eyes. He looked at me and it was as though my expression physically punched him in his gut. He looked back toward the living room as though to leave but then he straightened his shoulders and moved into my room. He sat down on the end of the bed, as far from me as the small bed would allow.

“I am sorry." He hung his head in his hands and for the first time I saw all of those years float around him. I saw images of his past flicker before my eyes. Years and years of a life of waiting for the one he was meant to guard. It was as though I could pluck anything from his life and watch it unfold.

I must have unleashed something when I had my trek through my own history. I did not know if I could read Kennan so easily because of our history, or if this was something I would be able to do with anyone. I did not feel right prying through all of his memories, so instead I focused on the present and brought myself back to something I had rarely ever heard Kennan do. He had apologized.

“Why? What are you sorry for Kennan?" Sorry you ever met me, I added silently.

“I am sorry because you deserve better than me. I am sorry because I have been an ass the last few days. I don’t know how to be objective with you. Mostly, I am sorry that my behavior has caused you to retreat into yourself and go through what you just did on your own. I could have been there to help you learn how to sift memories. I felt it when you started and I did not even try and help.”

I looked at him, shocked that he knew I had just paraded through my memories for the past few hours, yet did not bother coming in to check on me until it was all over.