See How She Runs (The Chronicles of Izzy #1)(27)

THIRTEEN





The next morning, I rose with the sun. I oriented myself quickly before gathering clothes for the day. I spared a glance toward Kennan to be sure he was still asleep before heading over to the river. I bent over the water to wash my face with the frigid water, effectively chasing away any remnants of sleep that might have still clung to me. I pulled my clothes off from the night before, replacing them just as quickly with the ones I had taken from my pack. My flesh rose wherever the cool air kissed it. Once I was completely changed, I headed back to my sleeping bag. I glanced over to where Kennan was sleeping moments before. He was sitting with his head buried in his hands as though he was trying to shake something out of his vision. Suddenly he stood and looked over at me.

“You need to change in your sleeping bag from now on," he said gruffly before turning back to his stuff to finish packing.

“Well, I thought you were asleep, so I am so terribly sorry if you saw something that offended your delicate sensibilities," I said snippily. I refused to be cowed by a man that barely spared me twenty words the previous day.

I began shoving my stuff back in my bag, fueled by my temper and the need to start moving forward. I found a stash of protein bars and other snacks in a pocket that I had not noticed the day before. After getting my stuff put away I grabbed a bag of granola out and started munching while I plotted the rest of the trek. I looked at the river and noticed that I was going to link up with the Hoh River trail at some point. That trail would lead me out of the back country to a Resort. Well, there was no time like the present.

I got up and started heading westward keeping to the river. I never glanced back to see if Kennan followed. I was starting to feel like a fall in the river, mixed with a swift drowning, would be preferable to my current situation. I was fed up with the drama and heartache the past few days had thrown my way. In a rare fit of pique, I allowed my anger to fuel me. Tired of the loss of control, I headed out into the forest without a thought to my safety. Reckless abandon was quite freeing, it turned out.

A mile or so later, I realized there was a reason people did not take up rage hiking as a hobby. My anger had caused me to end up in a rather precarious position. I was faced with either climbing up what might be a cliff face, or wading through the frigid water to make my way around the bend. Had I taken the time to look at the map more often, and perhaps let a more level-headed detached person help me, I might not be in this predicament.

I refused to back track the half mile. My feet were in serious pain and I knew I did not have much left in me. I decided that up would be my best bet. Half way up, I lost my footing, and began to slide down.

I felt myself slipping away and suddenly realized all of that bluster earlier was for the birds. Turns out, I still wanted to live quite a lot. I yelled out scrambling to grab a hold of anything that might slow my fall. Kennan caught me just as my panic came to a fever pitch.

He helped me find a foothold once more, and we continued up the incline with him close behind. My breath hitched in my throat, and by the time we made it to the top of the hill I was a hot mess. I was unsure what kind of bad karma I was toting around that had caused me to lose everyone that had ever mattered to me. I was angered by the loss and even more so by the loss of the last person that mattered, Kennan. He had saved me, but there was a complete lack of warmth between us where our friendship once lived.

I allowed the tears to fall, mourning the loss, while simultaneously purging the anger that had fueled the entire morning. I stopped to wipe my eyes, the tears making it impossible to discern the path.

I began to walk again as I felt a tug at my elbow and Kennan pulled me into his arms. I pushed against him, refusing to be comforted by someone that was suddenly so changeable. I breathed out slowly to try and keep the shudder from my voice.

“Please let go. Just don’t. I don’t know what I did, and honestly I don’t want to know at this point. I just want to get through this, figure out how to bring all of the bad guys down, and then go back to living a quiet life. One that you don’t have to be a part of. I have lost everyone that matters, and now you are gone. I don’t know what changed, but if we are going to get through this, you have to stop switching on me. Just be this way or be my friend. Either way, I just can’t handle the yoyo routine you are pulling on me." Deflated with my emotional leakage I tried to step away from him.

“Izzy,” he began, “I…”

“Don’t. I don’t want an explanation. I just need help to get through this. If you can do that, then please do it with at least a little civility."

“Damn it woman, let me finish. I don’t know how to do this, okay? I don’t know how to be what you want me to be and keep my promise at the same time," he said as if his words should make sense to me.

“All I want is to have my friend back. I don’t understand why you can’t be that guy and my Guardian. You kept me safe in Chicago for two years." Frustration poured off of me in waves. I tried to edge away from him once more. Instead I was pulled back into his embrace.

“Honestly, I don’t know that I did such a great job in Chicago. You almost got caught. Had I not been there that day at the museum, I shudder to think what might have happened. I promised your dad that I would keep you safe. He was once the only person that mattered to me. If I fail in protecting his daughter, then I will have failed him. I can’t live with that. So, for now I need to be distant and objective. I need to know that you can survive without me." He released me and walked forward leaving me numb.