See How She Runs (The Chronicles of Izzy #1)(22)
“I was hoping to get this finished before you woke up so that I could surprise you. But no, you had to go and ruin the surprise.”
“I can go back to sleep and wake up in a while."
As the words left my mouth, I noticed the heat burning in Kennan’s eyes. So he had witnessed the dream. Awesome. Just awesome. Time for a subject change.
“Or, we can go watch some scintillating, gothic romance while we wait for that to cool off." And maybe wait for me to cool off.
“But I totally just watched the whole thing while you slept.”
“You know, for a however many hundred year old person you are, you sure are a terrible liar. You owe me one birthday movie. You better be glad I am not making you sit through the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice," I snickered as I walked back over to the couch. Glad to have some semblance of normalcy between us once more.
“How do you do it?" he asked with a softness in his voice. “In all of my years, I have never seen anyone bounce back from things as quickly as you. You are bawling one minute and then moving forward the next. How? How is this not just weighing you down?" The spark of wonder hidden in his eyes made me sheepish.
“Repression?" I said giggling, afraid to give him a real answer, afraid that things would get heavy again.
Reading my thoughts, like always, Kennan asked, “Seriously, just answer. Even as a child you were hopelessly optimistic and hard to keep down. With all that has happened to you, you just keep trudging forward.”
“I don’t want to be defined by the events of my life, Kennan. I can’t walk through life a sad sack of memories. I have days ahead of me, and I don’t know how many. I refuse to live those days drug down by the horrible things of my past. I will enjoy the small moments I am given. Life is all about choices, Kennan. My mother taught me that. She told me once that I could choose to be happy or sad. I choose happy. Do things suck right now? Yes. But I am with my best friend, there is a tablet full of movies I love, a strawberry cake that is begging to be eaten, and I am still alive and free. Those things matter just as much as the bad stuff. Now shut up and let me fall in love with Mr. Rochester again." I turned toward the screen avoiding any further questions. Cowardly, but effective.
He roughed my hair as he came around, and threw himself on the couch next to me. He pressed play on his way down and we settled in to watch the drama of someone else’s life unfold.
**********
ELEVEN
By the time the movie ended, Kennan was snoring. I supposed he did not say he would stay awake for the whole thing, so really I couldn’t be mad. I decided to let him rest and read another of my mother’s letters. I hoped that it contained useful information. Perhaps, it would be a welcome letter to Harbingers of Death Anonymous. Or maybe a guide book of sorts. Prophecy for Dummies: Perilous Predictions Edition.
Getting up from the couch as quietly as I could, I added another log to the fire and curled up in the chair with the second of my mother’s letters. As I opened the letter, I braced myself for another onslaught of memories. Thankfully, they never came. Instead I was greeted with more words from my mother.
My dearest Izzy,
Today was your seventh birthday. I am so very proud of the young woman you are becoming. I am also incredibly sad that I won’t be able to watch you grow into the amazing woman I am sure you will become. I mourn the loss of a future with you that I may never have. I have struggled with trying to find your future in the fog, but I am still unable to see what might befall you. So, instead I am forced to write letters to a daughter that I no longer know. A daughter that I was forced to leave.
As the day approaches, that I must be parted from you, I find myself becoming more and more bitter. But I have looked into the fog and I have seen that this is the only way to protect you.
If I stay, you will be taken. If we run, you will be taken. The only way to be sure is to let him have me. I know that I will have to steal more of your memories. I know that I will leave you thinking that you have lost everyone that loves you. I am sorry for that. There really was no other choice, my dear one. I hope that the memories you do have are happy ones. I hope that you remember how cherished you are. By now, you are probably starting to have visions. They are horrifying and disorienting, but you can’t let yourself get drug down into them. You have to be able to separate yourself from the events and realize that you are not really there. It gets easier with time. Each vision will be different. Some things can be prevented, while others must remain fixed points. The ones that can be altered will always appear in two layers. They are often the hardest to navigate. One dimension on top of the other. A place that is both ruined, and fine at the same time. The ones that can’t be prevented are the hardest to watch. But you must remember, it is all in God’s time. Why we see both, I don’t know. I have never understood why I must face such tragedies when I am powerless to alter them. They are the ones you must leave almost as quickly as you enter them. Otherwise you will go mad with all of that sadness.
The ones you can change, you must linger in. You can look for clues as to where you are. Signs, road numbers, landmarks, anything that might distinguish this place from any other. Pay attention to the season, or if you are lucky, look on someone’s phone, or newspaper. That will help you to figure out when it is happening. Then you just have to figure out a way to prevent the tragedy, whatever it may be.