Saving Dancer (Savage Brothers MC #2)(59)

There are several people letting out collective gasps in the room. I can’t pay attention though, because her words are like bullets and each one strikes a deadly hit in my heart. She throws a pamphlet at my chest and I reach up and grab it in reaction. The rest of the paper fades into the background except for the hateful word staring back at me ABORTION. I did that. I drove Carrie to even hearing about this.

“Carrie…”

“I’m done.”

“What?” I ask and now the terror in my voice is thick. It chokes me.

“I’m done,” she walks around me and I’m too shook up to stop her.

“Carrie wait!” I yell walking out with her.

She has the door open to the SUV by the time I make it to her. She leans against the opened driver’s door. The tears aren’t just glimmering in her eyes anymore. They are falling fast and hard, but she doesn’t even blink.

“I’m done, Jacob. I’m not enough. I’ve never been enough and now? Now I’m f*cking done.”

“You love me we can…”

“Right now I don’t even like you, Jacob Blake. We’re finished.”

She hops up in the SUV and I should be stopping her, I should be throwing the door open and taking her in my arms and stopping her, but I am frozen. Everything is replaying in my head. I see the hurt, the anger and the pain in Carrie’s eyes. I watch her back out of her parking spot.

We’re finished.

I may be standing on a busy street with the sun beating down, but right now I am standing in the cold. I am standing in complete darkness. Carrie took the light.





Chapter 34




Carrie


I can’t go home. There is nothing there for me anyway. Most of the clothes were given to me, the few items I’ve replaced are unimportant. It is my turn to quit hiding, because in my own small way I have been just as bad as Jacob. I’ve been hiding from the death of my parents. I can’t do that anymore.

I need distance—time and distance. I’ve always heard those fix everything. Incidentally, I’m pretty sure that is a lie.

So I drive to the local Greyhound station, say goodbye to my life in Kentucky and hop a bus back to Tennessee. I visit my parents’ graves. I cry. I replace my wardrobe with their money. I finally accept it is my money now. It can’t be more real than looking at tombstones.

I do all of that, feeling half alive. Before I know it, a couple of weeks have gone by. Jacob knows where I’m at. I know because he’s called. He calls a lot. I usually let the machine answer. I talked to him once. I told him again that we were done. I didn’t let him talk. I was afraid to. As much as I insist that we are done, I have this small hope that somehow Jacob will fight for me—fight for us. He hasn’t. I’m glad—at least that’s what I tell myself.

Jacob’s mom has come by. She doesn’t know I’m pregnant, but apparently Jacob has asked her to check on me and make sure I’m okay. That’s kind of sweet, but I can’t weaken. I’ve had enough.

I’m so tired lately. My doctor assures me that this is normal, but most afternoons it is all I can do hold my eyes open. It’s only one in the afternoon now and I’m lying in bed. I’m almost out when the phone rings. Maybe that explains why I reach over and pick up the receiver, I know who it is. I know and honestly, I want to hear his voice.

“Hello.”

“How are you?” Nicole asks and I ignore the disappointment that falls over me.

“I’m okay,” I lie. “Getting settled in.”

“Stop lying to me,” she responds and I smile. I’ve missed Nicole.

“I miss him.”

“I know, Care,” she says and I figure she does because that one sentence is filled with sadness.

“I was hoping he’d follow me and tell me…”

“I know that too. I’m sorry.”

“How’s he doing?” I ask because I can’t stop myself.

“Avoiding everyone and getting drunk a lot.”

“Does he ask about me at all?” Damn, I wish I was strong enough to not ask that question.

“I don’t think he knows we talk, but he’s not really talking with any of us.”

“How’s the baby?” We ask each other at the same time and Nicole laughs, I can only manage a half way smile.

“I’m starting to show. It’s a small bump, but it’s there. I go next week to find the sex of the baby. How about you?”

“Nothing to show here, but I’m so tired and it’s probably too soon but this morning the smell of bacon made me hurl.

“Ohhh…Bacon…I need some of that.”

“I take it no sickness?” I ask and this time it was a real smile on my face, mostly anyways.

“Hell no! I’m just hungry all the time. I swear by the time I have little Dragon I’m going to weigh five hundred pounds.”

“Well Dragon does love your ass…”

“Yeah well, there will sure be plenty of it for him to love at this rate. Are you taking care of yourself? I’m worried about you being alone right now,” she responds and although her concern makes me feel better, I wish it was coming from Jacob.

“I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”