Savage Love (Back Down Devil MC #7)(44)

Miller turned and walked to the crib. To his shock Beck reached for him. Miller lifted the baby up and stared at him. Beck went right for the scruff on Miller’s face again.

“Don’t worry, kid,” Miller said, “you keep eating and you’ll have your own beard soon enough.” Beck let out a whine and started slapping at Miller. “Oh, you like to fight, huh?”

“He’s hungry,” Ella said.

Miller turned, holding Beck close to his chest. “Can I?”

“You want to feed Beck?”

“Sure,” Miller said. “You said you had some in the fridge, right?”

“Well, yeah. I probably shouldn’t breastfeed him until the afternoon. Just to be safe. I was kind of a bad mother last night.”

“You’re never a bad mother,” Miller said. “Ever.”

Miller sat on the edge of the bed. Ella prepared a bottle of breast milk for Beck and handed it to Miller.

This was definitely a first for Miller.

“Just rest Beck in your arm and offer him the nipple.”

“You going to do that to me later?” Miller asked.

Ella put a hand to Miller’s shoulder. “Depends on how nice the restaurant is.”

“So that’s a yes for our date?”

“Just feed the baby.”

Miller offered Beck the bottle. The little guy latched right on and went to town. His little hands clutched at Miller’s fingers, pulling, making sure Miller wasn’t going to move the bottle.

Ella still had her hand on Miller’s shoulder.

The entire thing strangely felt good. It felt right. Like it was all meant to be this way.

“You’re a natural,” Ella said.

“No. He’s just hungry.”

Miller stared at Beck.

Could have been mine. Easily. If I hadn’t gone on that f*cking run that night.

The more Miller thought about that all those years ago he wondered if it hadn’t been set up to fail. The mission that should have killed Miller. It ended up being the mission that put him in line to become the President. Then again, he lost Ella.

Miller looked up at Ella.

Never again.

“I want you to know you can trust everyone in this club,” Miller said. “Even Trev. He’s wild. He’s an *. But he’ll die for us. And Blaine… I’m sorry what happened with him. He just can’t get enough of it all.”

“I noticed that,” Ella said. “He’s weird.”

“He’s a good man though. Probably as close to me as Griffin…”

Miller looked at Beck again. Crazy how life worked. A table guy getting killed. A baby coming to the clubhouse. Somewhere in all that, there was meaning and purpose.

“Miller, Mia told me some stuff,” Ella said. “Her uncle and Jerry… um… did Jerry have anything to do with…”

“With what?” Miller asked.

“With Griffin?”

Beck popped the bottle from his mouth.

“He’s done,” Miller said.

“No. He needs to be burped.”

“What do I do? Smack him in the back?”

“Yeah. But… not hurt him…”

“I’d never hurt Beck,” Miller said. He held Beck out and said, “This guy is my new friend. Right?”

Beck smiled and then hiccuped. A stream of spit up came out of his mouth and hit Miller’s shirt and jeans.

“Oh, damn!” Ella yelled. “I’m so sorry!”

“Why are you sorry?” Miller asked. “It’s fine. I’ve had worse shoot at me.”

Miller brought Beck close again and wiped the baby’s chin.

Beck pounded the rest of the bottle. Miller put a cloth over his shoulder and burped the baby again and then stood up. He rubbed the baby’s back and faced Ella.

“This is crazy,” she said.

“What is?”

“You holding a baby. Holding my baby.” Ella then frowned. “Sorry.”

“Why?”

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Beck is your baby. And, yeah, years ago, I wouldn’t have held a baby. Times change, darling.”

“Sometimes I wish he was your baby,” Ella blurted out.

She then blushed and covered her mouth.

Me too, darling.

Beck started to whine. Miller held Beck in his hands with arms stretched out. “Well, little dude, I think you shit yourself. And that’s something I’m not dealing with right now. We’ll stick to bottles, deal?”

Ella took Beck and placed him on the bed. She started to open the little buttons on the kid’s pajamas.

Miller took her by the arm and forced her to face him.

“What?” Ella asked.

“You can’t go back and change things,” Miller said. “If I could, I would. And to answer your question… yes. Jerry had something to do with it. He was the one who did it. I saw him. He pulled the trigger on a rifle that killed Griffin. I don’t want you wearing that guilt though. It’s not your job. I’ll do everything I can to tell you what I know when I can. I’ll never lie to you, darling. I…”

I still f*cking love you.