Savage Love (Back Down Devil MC #7)(40)

“You never stopped him?” Emily asked.

“No. Because I wanted him to do it. I was dying for it. I needed someone like Miller. To just… open all those doors.”

“I’m sure he opened more than doors,” Mia said and laughed.

“Yeah,” Ella said. “It was like a hundred miles an hour all the time. My first time quickly became a second and third. I was so sore from it I had to fake sick. Told my parents I had my period and the cramps were horrible. As much as it was fast and hard… I wanted more. I needed more. Miller became this addiction.”

“I know the feeling,” Emily said. “With Gaige…”

“I think we all get it,” Ava said. “It just works, right?”

“Oh, it works,” Ella said. “But then things started to get dangerous. There was some kind of war happening. Of course, Miller could never talk about it. He just went with what the club needed to do. There were nights he was gone all night. He’d show up and take a shower, bloody. I’ll never forget standing there watching him in the shower. His beautiful body. The blood swirling around the drain.”

“Wow,” Mia said. “I know that feeling…”

“Then there was a night when we were supposed to meet. He promised he’d be there. No matter what. I sat there, waiting. And Jerry showed up. I was going to tell Miller how I felt. That I wanted to be with him forever but he needed to let me in more. I wanted him to trust me more. But Jerry showed up and just took over. He sat next to me. He grabbed my hand. He kissed me.”

“That’s bold,” Emily said.

“Well, Miller never showed up that night. When I saw him again, he was hurt pretty bad and he told me it was better if I went with Jerry. That Jerry was on the better path. He was going to stay on the right side of the law and that I’d have what I wanted. A house, a fence, a family. I tried to argue but Miller insisted. He demanded it. Then he kind of disappeared. I went months without seeing him. At that time Jerry was patient with me. He was so kind. So calm. I think I convinced myself to fall for him then. Next thing I knew, years were going by. I was engaged, then married, then pregnant. Miller became the President of Back Down Devil MC and everything felt right. He and Jerry were talking, working together. It was like the world was good. Now it all fell apart again.”

Ella blinked and a tear fell from her eye.

“Damn,” Ava whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

Ella nodded. “From the second I got pregnant, it was just different. I regretted that it was with Jerry. Somewhere in my heart I always wanted to be with Miller. So maybe all this is my fault then. I pushed Jerry away and into whatever mental state he’s in.”

“No,” Mia said. “Don’t you ever think like that. Your husband… Jerry… whatever he is… he worked with my uncle.”

“Jake,” Ella said.

“And my uncle killed his wife and his son. My nephew was killed in all this. If I blamed you for a second, I would have attacked you by now.”

“Jesus,” Ella said. “I didn’t really know it was that bad.”

“It’s that bad,” Emily said.

“So now Jerry is going to end up dead,” Ella said. “How does that work? He’s too powerful. If Miller gets put away…”

“That’s enough of this talk,” Ava said. “This is why they get mad at us. We sit around and speculate. Then we cry. Screw that. Let’s be happy. Tell us everything about being a mother, Ella. About being pregnant. Just… be happy right now.”

So that’s what Ella did. She drank and she told stories. She laughed as she told stories of how she used to watch horror movies and pee herself each time she jumped when getting scared. She dove into personal stories of her body changing. Her boobs swelling, filling, leaking.

By the time she stopped talking, she felt close to Emily, Mia, and Ava. They talked and the hours went by with ease. The two bottles of vodka were then gone and Ella stood up, wanting to go get more. When she stood, that’s when she realized she was drunk. A reach for the dresser proved useless. She missed the dresser and went right into a wall. Ava yelled and Emily grabbed at Ella.

“Are you okay?” Emily asked.

Ella started to laugh. “I’m drunk. Not puke drunk, but I’m drunk.”

“Yes you are,” Mia said. “Should I go get another bottle?”

“No,” Ella said. “I don’t want to be rude. I’m tired. I was going to get more to drink but I’m tired. I’m drunk and I’m tired.”

“Okay,” Emily said. “Hey. You’re amazing, Ella. For everything you’re going through and doing. You are strong and beautiful.”

“You’re really cool,” Ava said.

Soon Ella was being hugged by all three women. Sandwiched between them and their drunk words.

“Thank you,” Ella said. “I needed tonight.”

“Good,” Emily said. “Now go wait for Miller to come get some.”

“Oh, Nate will be ready to go for hours,” Mia said. “He gets drunk and talks about fighting and then he comes to me to relax him.”

Ella was a little grossed out about it. Then she said, “Miller sleeps on the cot in the hall.”

“I thought that was for a prospect,” Ava said.