Savage Love (Back Down Devil MC #7)(38)

“No,” Miller said. “Trev is here for a reason. It’s time to end it all. The war is going to ramp up now.”

“Who is that guy?”

Miller leaned against the crib and folded his arms. “Ah, darling, sometimes we lose our way. Life happens. Sometimes guys lose their edge. They lose their love for their club. Sometimes they want the ultimate freedom. Which is the road. But when you choose the road you lose your club. Your patch. Your respect. You’re on your own. We call them Lost Men. If they had a leader up there, it would be Trev.”

“He used to be a member here?” Ella asked.

“That doesn’t matter, darling. He’s here to put his life on the line for all of us. For nothing in return.”

Ella slowly nodded. “So I’m staying put.”

“Yeah,” Miller said. “I have to go fill him in on everything. Then we’re going to drink and talk about the past. You have the room. The bed. The crib. I’ll be on the cot.”

“Miller, no. That’s dumb. No more of that. This is your room. You sleep in the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor next to the crib.”

Miller came forward. He touched Ella’s waist. He looked at Beck, then at Ella. “Trust in everything I’m doing. I’m going to protect you. I’m going to protect the kid. You can trust the women here. Ava came from the Lost Men. She’s a good one. Emily, Mia, Avery, Kaity. Get comfortable. I have to go f*cking work.”

Miller kissed Ella’s forehead and went to the door.

He was gone a second later and Ella walked to the crib. Miller bought Beck a crib. She gently placed Beck down. He was able sit up on his own with ease. He reached for the bars and pulled himself up. Beck smiled and started to bounce a little. A big smile climbed across his face.

“That’s all you wanted,” Ella said. “Your own crib.”

There was a knock at the door.

It opened and Ava poked her head in.

“Sorry,” Ava said. “I just figured you and Miller needed to talk. I brought some friends.”

In came Emily and Mia.

Mia had a couple bottles with her. “If we’re on lockdown, let’s have a few drinks.”

“I think we all need a drink,” Emily said.

“Oh, I can’t,” Ella said.

“Why?” Ava asked.

Ella grinned and cupped her breasts. “These.”

“She breastfeeds,” Emily said.

“She almost gave Blaine a heart attack before,” Mia said.

“Oh, sorry, damn,” Ava said. “So you haven’t had a drink since Beck was born?”

“Well, I have a pump at…” Home? I have no home. “I don’t have it with me.”

“I can fix that,” Ava said. “I’ll send someone to buy one. Miller will do anything for you, right?”

“I don’t know about that,” Ella said.

“Then I’ll just go,” Mia said.

“No,” Ella said. “Nobody is leaving. It’s dangerous. My… I mean, Jerry. He’s dangerous. And he has power.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Emily said. “I’ve seen the guys out there do some crazy things. I wouldn’t worry.”

“You can’t say that, Emily,” Ava said. “That guy they’re going after is her…”

Beck let out a noise.

Everyone fell silent.

They all stared at Beck.

For Ella, it really didn’t mean anything to her. Jerry wasn’t a good man. He didn’t deserve anything but what was properly owed.

But Beck…?

Ella let out a shaky sigh.

“I need a drink,” Mia said.

“So do I,” Ella said as she stared at her son.

“I’ll take care of it,” Emily said.

Ella turned her head. If she drank anything… it would unleash everything she wanted. Besides taking care of her only son, the greatest urge within her body was pretty basic.

Miller.

She wanted Miller.

Not just today. Or tonight. Not just tomorrow. She wanted what she had been flirting with all those years ago.

She wanted forever.





fifteen.



It wasn’t the most awkward moment of Ella’s life, but it was pretty damn close to it. The prospect’s face was eight shades of red when he gave the bag to Emily. He looked at Ella, then looked away. They’d sent the young guy out to get Ella a pump. Emily then gave Ella the bag and Ella soon found herself sitting on the edge of the bathtub, alone. When she finished with more than enough for Beck, she stood and stared at herself in the mirror. There was nothing wrong with having a drink or two. Beck would be fine. There was plenty of milk for him now. She just needed the baby to peacefully fall asleep and sleep all night without any problems. One thing Ella would never do is put her baby or herself in any kind of danger.

Ella put the bottles of milk in a small fridge Miller had in his room. She had to move bottles of beer and booze out of the way to make room. The sight was a little sad though. The life of a biker mom.

Biker mom.

That was something new for Ella to think.

Ava and Emily were completely fussing over Beck. They had him on the bed, changing him into his PJ’s for the night. Outside in the clubhouse things were sometimes loud, sometimes quiet. There had been talking, yelling, and even a couple fights. All of which surprised Ella but didn’t worry her too much. Each time something happened, Emily was there to try and comfort her. Ella always smiled. This whole thing Ella had been through before.