Sanctum (Masters and Mercenaries #4.5)(16)

Ashley walked into her room, humming a Disney tune. They really did need to move. But they weren’t doing it because Ryan told her to. “Why are you here?”

He stopped, forcing his hands into his pockets as he turned back to her. “I’m sorry about the orders. It’s habit. I was just surprised to see this place. I should have come out here sooner. I should have checked up on you.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. We’re not together, Ryan.”

There was that smoldering look that made her heart race and her knees get weak, and left absolutely no room for her brain to function because she went into full-on lust overload. When he stared at her and his eyes darkened, she wanted nothing more than to throw herself at his feet. It was so much easier to deal with him when they were both studiously ignoring each other. “That was a mistake, Jillian. I made a terrible mistake.”

That was not what she needed to hear. “It wasn’t a mistake. The mistake was signing a contract with you in the first place.”

“No. The mistake was not allowing you to make your own decision.”

She rolled her eyes. What the hell was this about? Not two weeks before, he’d tried to get her to sign another contract, one she was sure would be very much like the first one, heavily weighted in his favor. “I didn’t get to make decisions, Ryan.”

“You made one every single day.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jillian, you chose to sign the contract. I didn’t force you to. I didn’t force you to stay with me. I didn’t lock you up. You made the decision every single day to stay with me.”

Her stomach turned because he was right. “Thank you for reminding me.”

His expression softened. “You were right. I was wrong. You made the decision every day to keep us together, and I should have trusted in that.”

He totally misunderstood her. “Ryan, I thanked you for reminding me just what a doormat I used to be.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Doormat? You weren’t a doormat. Jillian, do you really think I mistreated you?”

She sighed heavily and sank to her secondhand couch. When she’d been with Ryan, he’d showered her with gifts, made certain that she had everything she needed on the material front. He’d never harmed her, always been deeply careful with their play. Even the spankings he’d given her had been for her pleasure. The discipline portion of their relationship had been very light, the contract between them more about protection and comfort than her obedience. “No. You didn’t mistreat me. Not at all. You just didn’t really notice I was there.”

His handsome face contorted in confusion. “What relationship were you in? My brothers talk about that time as the lost year because I did nothing but work and be with you. They miss you, by the way. They made it very clear to me that I was a moron for letting you go.”

“You didn’t let me go, Ryan. You pushed me off on another man.” Even thinking about it threatened to enrage her.

A grim look came over his face, and he sat down beside her, leaving plenty of space between them as though he was afraid to frighten her off. “I thought I was doing what was best for you. I promised to take care of you, and that day I had just gotten word that I might have been going to prison.”

“What?” She forced her hands into her lap because her first instinct had been to reach for him.

“I put everything I had into Church Software Development,” he said, the words quiet but sure. “But I couldn’t do it all myself. I needed a CFO. I trusted the wrong man. He embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars from me, but worse than that, he took investment money that I didn’t know about. He defrauded investors in my name. They decided that since he’d skipped the country, they would come after me. At that point, the DA hadn’t made a decision on whether or not I was involved. The day I asked Keith to take care of you, I thought I might be going to prison and I couldn’t involve you in that.”

Her head was reeling. “I had no idea.”

“I didn’t want you to know.” He leaned forward, his hand coming up as though reaching out for her. He stopped himself and forced his hand back into his pocket. “Baby, you have to forgive me. I wanted what was best for you. I had to let you go. It nearly killed me to watch you get into that car.”

It hadn’t hurt him enough to not do it. Even as his explanation rang in her ears, she found a deeper hurt. He had cared for her in his own way. Somehow it had almost been easier when she’d thought he’d viewed her as an easy companion and nothing more. But if he’d really loved her and he’d still sent her away, that was even worse. But they had to find some closure. Neither of them could go on like this forever. “I forgive you.”

“You do?”

She had to. He’d thought he was doing the right thing. They just had two completely different versions of how a relationship should work. “I do. I understand why you did it.”

He crossed the space between them in an instant. Before she could protest, she was in his arms. He pulled her hard against his chest, his fingers going straight for her hair. “God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that. Baby, I’ve missed you so much.”

His lips were against hers. Sweet intimacy. It had been so long since she’d had the comfort and solace of a body against her own. His fingers tangled in her hair, pulling her head back gently as his tongue played against her lips until she couldn’t handle it and she invited him in. Everything inside her responded to him. Her nipples hardened. Her muscles softened. Her * got wet, aching. She felt her arms drifting up around his shoulders, holding on to him.