Sanctum (Masters and Mercenaries #4.5)(18)

“I can’t leave you here. You can hate me all you like, Jillian, but I still love you. I’ll honor your desires, I really will. I’ll be polite at work and I won’t make anything uncomfortable for you, but you can’t expect me to walk away knowing how dangerous it is here.”

A female scream punctuated his words, and Ryan had his phone in hand. “You get into the back bedroom. I’m calling the police.”

He couldn’t possibly know that this was just a regular Friday night for those two. She’d done the best she could, and he was making her feel like she couldn’t handle it. She’d had to handle it because he’d shoved her out.

“Don’t tell me what to do, Ryan. I’m in charge of this household.” She strode to the door, throwing it open. The minute she did, she realized that of all the mistakes she’d made this evening, this was the worst.

“You want to cheat on me?” A man with stringy hair was holding a knife, pointing it at his wife. “I’ll kill you, bitch. You don’t have the nerve to shoot me.”

“Jillian!” Ryan reached for her arm, but it was too late.

The woman in the hallway closed her eyes and pulled the trigger, but her aim was off and Jill was shocked by the pain that tore through her.

“Oh, f*ck.” Ryan scooped her up, but the damage was done.

She saw blood and her vision dimmed, and she wished she had one more moment. Just one.

The world went black.





Chapter Five


Ryan paced the floor. Every squeak and thud of his shoes sounded like thunder in his head. It was too quiet, but then there was almost no one in the surgical waiting room. It seemed it was a slow night for gunshot victims.

God, she’d been shot. She’d opened her door and someone had f*cking shot her, and she was only in that apartment because he’d been stupid enough to let her go. He’d thought he was saving her, and now she could be dying.

“Any word?” Ashley walked back in, her little girl in her arms. She’d stepped out to change her, but now the baby was quietly content, sucking on her fist.

Would Jillian still be able to have babies?

He shook his head. How long did it take?

“You love her,” Ashley said.

“Yes, I do, but I screwed up, and now I have to deal with that.”

“I don’t know. The way I heard it she kind of screwed up too. Sorry, there’s really no privacy in that apartment. I’m afraid I heard everything. Jill and I weren’t close back when she first lived here. She kind of disappeared for a while.”

“She always talked about you.”

Ashley bounced a little as she talked, a rhythm that seemed to soothe the baby. “Yeah, but she rarely called, and when she did, she was very evasive about what she was doing. I think she didn’t want anyone to know what kind of relationship she was involved in. Jill was always very assertive. I knew she was playing around with clubs and stuff. I always assumed it was just a kinky sex thing, but she was different around you, wasn’t she?”

He felt so f*cking old. He felt every one of his thirty-eight years. “Do you want to know what bugged me the most about Jillian when we were together? I can’t even believe I’m saying this now, but it’s true. She was too submissive for my tastes, but I was in love with her and I thought I could gradually change that. I lost myself in the sex for a while. And then she was just so bright and smart that I convinced myself I could handle being her Dom for the rest of our lives. I could take care of her. And then I couldn’t and I was so scared of really failing her that I ruined everything. She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.”

And that guilt burned through him.

“I don’t know,” Ashley argued. “It seems like she should have said something. She could have fought. I know I did. I fought like a demon bitch from hell when my boyfriend decided to walk out on me. It didn’t work, but I still would have done it. If I had to do it again, even though I looked like a fool, I would have tried. He was just more scared of becoming his father than he was in love with me. But I gave him the choice. Neither one of you did the same.”

He could see it plainly now. He’d been wrapped in his own misery, in self-loathing, but he’d owed her the choice then. He’d given it to her now, and she’d made herself clear. He couldn’t force her to come back to him. The only thing he could do now was try to make sure her life was easier. “I would very much like to move the three of you out of that complex.”

Ashley patted her baby’s back. “Oh, that is absolutely going to happen, Mr. Church. I am taking you up on that, and I am deeply appreciative.”

“She seemed very against the idea.”

“Then she shouldn’t have gotten her ass shot and left me here to make the decisions. We will accept any help you can give us. I love my sister, but I have to think about Emily. If Jill won’t come with us because she’s too stubborn, then I have to make it work, but I can’t have my baby there anymore. As soon as I find some day care, I’ll get a job.”

“Or you could go to school and get a real job,” Ryan suggested. “Like I said, I have some money now. Consider it a scholarship fund.”

“‘Ryan Church’s Scholarships for Wayward Girls, huh?” She had a sheen of tears in her eyes. God, at least he could help one of the Paxon sisters.