Sanctum (Masters and Mercenaries #4.5)(20)

He was oversimplifying things. She wasn’t the bad guy. “Uhm, he pawned me off on his friend.”

He leaned slightly forward, and suddenly Jill felt like there should be a light shining down into her face. This was a little like an interrogation. “Did he tell you you were supposed to have sex with the new Dom?”

“No.” He’d been very specific about that. Keith was simply supposed to take care of her. When they’d been in the car, Keith had explained that he would make sure she was happy and taken care of until such time that she no longer needed or wanted to be taken care of. He’d mentioned offering to send her to college or training, but she was welcome under his roof while she was doing it.

“So he tried to take care of you. Doms can be dumbasses. See, they sign this contract and they take it pretty seriously.”

She was sick of hearing about that contract. She’d signed it because he seemed to need it. “I took the contract seriously.”

“Did you tell him what you needed?” Taggart asked. “Because I got a copy of your contract, and that was rule number one. ‘The submissive will always communicate with the Dominant. In all areas of life, the submissive will let the Dominant know what she needs in order to be happy and fulfilled.’ So did you throw a hissy fit when he passed you on to a man who could take care of you when he couldn’t? Because I have found that hissy fit throwing actually works more often than you would think.”

She’d never realized just what an arrogant ass the big boss was. “He treated me like a piece of property.”

“So he ignored the hissy fit? Wow. I actually would have pegged him as a Dom who would bow to the fit. Huh, that makes me like him even more. Even Sean bows to the hissy. You should have seen how fast he gave in when Grace started yelling about his poker night versus her baby shower. Dudes aren’t supposed to have to go to baby showers. Sean’s job was done. She was pregnant, but now Sean had to show up and unwrap shit and we all had to be there because Sean doesn’t like listening to his wife scream. *.”

“I didn’t throw a hissy fit. Damn it.”

A single eyebrow arched.

“You’re cussing like a sailor,” she pointed out. He still stared until she added a, “Sir.”

“Fine. Cuss away, little sub. Rail at the machine. It won’t get you what you want. You didn’t tell him you wanted to stay. I know you’re going to say you were hurt and shit, but that’s the heart of this little problem. He was stubborn, but that came from a place of caring. He wanted to do what was best for you. He didn’t feel like he was the same Dom you had signed a contract with.”

“I didn’t care about the money. If anything, it was a hindrance. He spent so much time working that we didn’t have time together.”

“Did you tell him that? Did you tell him you needed more time together?”

No. She hadn’t. Because she’d been afraid if she wasn’t easy to get along with, that he would leave her. And if he’d left her because he was ashamed and scared, then she’d pushed him away for the same reasons. And for a worse one.

Because she’d wanted him to know how it felt.

That knowledge had been burning in her gut for weeks. She was living in a place supplied by him. Her sister was singing his praises and she knew damn well that Ashley was talking to him, giving him updates on how she was doing. And Jill was stuck because she’d put herself in a corner and didn’t know how to get out.

She shook her head. “No. I didn’t. And when he gave me away, I didn’t argue with him. I stayed very calm because I didn’t want him to know how badly he’d hurt me.”

“Did you ever tell him you loved him? Sorry, I just vomited a little in my mouth. I hate having to do this shit.”

She ignored his sarcasm. “No. I never told him. It wasn’t in our contract.”

“Then you should write another contract because he’s got it bad. Just between you and me, Ryan turned down an offer to head a new business.”

She’d heard something about him trying a new start-up. He’d turned them down? “He told you that?”

“No. He’s surprisingly tight lipped. Another reason I like him. I just happen to be damn good at gathering intelligence. He turned it down in exchange for a fraction of what the idea will someday be worth. Do you want to know what he spent that fraction on?”

She was afraid she already knew. The bills had stopped coming. At first she thought it was because of the move, but Ashley seemed so calm and happy. She was talking about going to college. She wasn’t worried all the time. “He paid off my sister’s medical bills.”

“Bingo. See, you’re a smart girl after all. So to sum all of this up, you lost a year and a half you could have spent with your Dom because you were too stubborn to tell him you loved him. You got your ass shot because you were too stubborn to ask for help. You’re going to lose your Dom because, hmmm, wow, there’s that stubborn thing again.”

“I get your point.”

He softened slightly, leaning forward. “There’s a reason men like Ryan and I become Doms. The world seems easier to deal with when it’s black and white. We’re not good at dealing with shades of gray, so we sign contracts that spell out everything we need and everything we’re supposed to do. It makes us feel safe because it doesn’t allow a lot of room to f*ck up. And we still manage to f*ck up. That’s where the sub comes in. What’s the first job of the submissive?”