Sanctum (Masters and Mercenaries #4.5)(11)

She was straddling his lean hips. There was no mistaking the erection she found there. He rubbed it against her core. Reality intruded. The words he was saying finally began to penetrate. He wasn’t talking about starting over. He was talking about f*cking. He was talking about making her his work f*ck.

“Don’t.” His voice was low and urgent. “Don’t push me out, Jillian. You know we’re good together.” He held her as though she was infinitely fragile. His lips played at her temples. He made no move to satisfy himself, simply holding her and making his tender plea. “We can have this.”

She forced herself to move. What he was talking about was so much less than what she’d thought they’d had. The sweet lethargy from before vanished in an instant. “I gave up everything for you once. I gave up my job, parts of my personality, and you negotiated with a friend to get rid of me.”

His jaw tightened, forming a stubborn line. “I was trying to take care of you, and you hated that job.”

“I had nothing when you left me.” There was a robe hanging from a hook on the wall. She grabbed it and wrapped it around her. Her chest felt tight, her lungs too heavy.

“You had Keith. He would have taken care of you.” He crowded her, towering over her. “I made sure you were taken care of.”

He’d assuaged his conscience by pawning her off on his friend. “You practically sold me to him.”

She started to turn to go, but he hauled her back around. “I did not f*cking sell you. I tried to take care of you, damn it. I couldn’t take care of you anymore. I lost everything. Do you hear me? Why the hell do you think I’m working here? My CFO made off with just about everything the business had. There was a lawsuit by the people we owed, and I know how those things go. I was asked to step down, and my stock was utterly worthless. I lost everything.”

A deep sadness washed over her. She’d figured out that something had gone wrong, but it didn’t really change anything because he was being very clear and every word just made the situation worse. “You didn’t lose everything. You still had me, but I wasn’t worth much to you, Ryan, was I?”

He took a step back, his head shaking. “I wanted to take care of you. I owed that to you.”

“I was an adult, Ryan. I could have taken care of myself. And guess what? I could have taken care of you too. I would have wanted to. I had responsibilities to you and they went beyond sex. You didn’t allow me to live up to them.” He’d gotten rid of her like a toy he could no longer afford. Tears blurred her eyes.

“I was trying to do right by you. That was all I cared about. My company was falling down around me, and all I cared about was you. I loved you.” He whispered the words as though they were sacred.

She’d waited forever to hear those words, but now she knew the truth. “Your love wasn’t worth very much. I have to get back to work.”

She walked away, the door closing between them.

She wasn’t the pathetic girl who had clung to him, and it was past time to move on.





Chapter Four


Ryan straightened his suit and tie and wondered when he’d become more comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt. He used to live in thousand dollar suits and Armani loafers. Now they pinched his feet.

“They’ll be with you in a moment, Mr. Church.” The perfectly dressed receptionist settled a mug of coffee in front of him. “They’re just waiting on the new partner. He’s running behind. Traffic.”

He nodded and thanked her. Traffic in DFW was a hellish mosh pit. He’d given himself a whole hour to get from his Irving craphole to downtown.

But even if this little meeting with angel investors went well, he wouldn’t leave there. He would still need every spare penny to roll into his business. Besides, he would spend eighty hours a week at work. What did it matter what his place was like?

He’d had a year with Jillian in actual time, but how much time had they really spent together? Even when a business like his was up and running and bringing in cash, he’d still spent six days a week at the office.

It was funny. He kind of liked watching football games and seeing movies with his brothers when they forced him to go out. He liked spending time with his nieces and nephews. Maybe that dingy apartment wouldn’t be so bad if Jillian was sitting beside him, watching TV, making dinner, living a life.

Had he been so busy trying to be extraordinary that he’d forgotten how lovely a normal life could be? Was he chasing something that didn’t matter? What if she was the only thing that mattered?

He took a long drink of coffee. It had been a week since he’d taken her into the aftercare room and gotten his mouth on her. And what had he done? He f*cking offered her a club contract for sex. Way to go, Church. So f*cking romantic.

She would barely speak to him. She smiled at everyone else, but she was all business when it came to him. It rankled. It made him want to roar when she sat down at a table with a bunch of Doms and flirted.

And it was nothing less than he deserved.

This meeting. It was all that mattered. Getting back to the place where he belonged, that was what was important. Maybe in a couple of years if she was still free, they could try again.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” a familiar voice said as the door to the lobby opened. “Tell the partners I’ll be right there. Thanks so much, Ginny.”