Ramsey Security (Ramsey Security #1-3)(56)

When I set in the final piece, I look at Troy, who stands in the kitchen.

"I finished."

"Super."

Frowning at his tone, I'm confused by his mood swings. We just talked about love. Now Troy acts as if he's ready to run.

"I was a homebody before Locke took me," I say, taking a picture of my puzzle to send to Shelley. "I never went anywhere or did anything without my sister and her kids."

Watching me with irritation in his beautiful eyes, Troy says nothing.

"After Locke is dead, I won't want to go out all the time or travel."

His expression is his only reply, and the message is clear. He wants me to shut up.

"So I guess I'll have to dump you," I say, breaking apart the puzzle and shoving the pieces into the box. "Or you could dump me, but I think I'd prefer to be the dumper."

Finding his voice finally, he steps into the living room. "What are you talking about?"

"You're bored now, so you'll be bored after Locke is dead. The sex won't be so exciting, and you won't have to save me anymore. So we'll break up, and you can have fun while I stay home and relax."

Troy stares at me, again refusing to get into a conversation. I finish putting away the puzzle and return the box to the pile Shelley bought me. Looking over the other choices, I choose one with a puppy chasing a cat through a field. A happy puzzle for an unhappy woman, I set it on the coffee table.

"I'm not bored," Troy says eventually.

"Could have fooled me."

"It's my job to remain on guard."

"Then you've done a shitty job until today because we sat and talked for long periods of time. Or we watched a movie or f*cked. Yeah, lots of distractions, but now you can't spare a second to be nice."

"Nice?" he grumbles. Troy looks ready to say something more but decides against it.

Ignoring him, I dump the pieces on the table and begin working on the new puzzle.

"Darla," he says softly, stepping closer.

"Leave me alone."

"I need to keep you safe."

"Fine."

His fingers graze my cheek. "I don't think I could survive losing you. I'm not my father, and no other woman would fix my loss."

I stare up at Troy, who wipes the tears from my cheeks.

"You're my anchor out here in the world," I whisper. "I'm trying so hard not to give into the darkness, but it's safer when I hide in my head. Without you, I can't stay in the open. I know you don't understand."

"I do. I was a drunken mess for months. It was better than being sober and facing my demons. I know you're scared, but I'm right here."

"You don't feel right here sometimes," I admit, pressing his hand against my cheek. "You feel like you want to run."

Troy kneels down next to me. "What you're feeling isn't me wanting to run but a need to fight. I hate waiting around for the *s to attack. I'd rather hurt them first. I can't though, so I get tense. It's not about wanting to be anywhere else. Once Locke is dead, I'll only want to be at your side. Not out partying or traveling or whatever. Just enjoying the quiet I have with you."

I ditch the puzzle and hug him to me. Troy holds me, but his embrace isn't tight enough. I need more of him. Despite his words, I fear losing what we have. I wouldn't even blame Troy for ditching me. I'm no saint and wouldn't want to care for a weak person. For Shelley, I would do anything. Now I feel the same with Troy, but I don't expect him to want to give up his freedom for me.

Troy takes a call while I sit back down on the ground. My thoughts are on Locke, and how he twisted me up inside until I can't even stand naked in front of the man I love.

An idea inspires me to retire to my bedroom. My head is too full of bullshit that I don't think I am brave enough to do what my heart wants. Hands shaking, I close all the shades in the bedroom and then throw a blanket over the spot where light still peeks through the window. Once the room is too murky to see in, I remove one piece of clothing after another. Each one feels like a heavy weight. Naked now, I'm convinced I'll fade away. Nothing holds me here except my hope to share everything with Troy.

Hearing him no longer on the phone, I call for him from the door. I stand back into the dark room and struggle to control my breathing.

"Darla, I can't see shit," Troy says, entering the room.

From the bathroom door, I beg, "Don't turn on the lights. Just stand still, and I'll walk to you."

Even suspicious of the darkness, he shuts the door. "What are we doing?"

Walking to him, I take his hands and rest them against my cheeks. "Even before Locke, I never imagined I'd meet a man like you."

"I never thought I'd love anyone. We both thought too small," he says, skimming my face with his thumbs.

Holding his hands, I lower them to my breasts. His fingers caress my bare skin and then he inhales harshly.

"You said I was pushing you too hard. I'm not pushing you for this, Darla."

"I know. I'm pushing myself. When we're together, I feel free. Locke's hold on me weakens, but I'm still afraid for you to see me. I can't have people looking at me, but I want this."

Troy's no more than a shadow in the darkened room, but I sense his many moods. He's tension fades, yet his uncertainty doesn't.