Ramsey Security (Ramsey Security #1-3)(55)

"Why would I leave?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

Darla stares at me horrified. I don't know why she's so afraid. When she backs away and flinches when I follow, I suddenly see myself in her eyes. Large and angry, I'm a man capable of taking a life without a second thought.

"You think I'd hurt you?" I ask in a rough voice. "You're playing with my heart, but I'm the scary one."

"I'm not playing with shit," she growls, a jolt of rage filling her eyes where the fear once lingered. "You had a bad dream. Why are you angry with me?"

"You won't need me when this job is over."

"Good. I don't want to need you like I do now. That's what Doctor Parker thinks. Maybe Shelley too. They believe I only want you because you protect me. They're wrong. I want you because you're funny and gentle and hot as hell. You make me horny like no other guy ever has. You also piss me off when you accuse me of causing your bullshit."

Wearing a tight smile on my face, I run my hands through my hair. "Love sounds nice, but it's some scary shit."

"Not all hearts and poems, huh?" she says, relaxing her hands. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Why?"

Protecting my feelings, Darla doesn't answer. I lean against the kitchen island and sigh loudly.

"These are just words, and you can choose to believe them or not. I want you to know that I will never raise a hand to you. I'm a killer, but I don't kill out of rage. I don't lose my temper and lash out. You can piss me off and make me crazy. You can tear me apart and break my heart, but I will never hurt you. I'm not a monster."

"I know," she says softly, stepping closer. "I do know what kind of man you are, and my heart trusts you won't hurt me. My head doesn't always remember where I am and who I'm with if that makes sense. I forget and revert to fear because it's comfortable."

Inching closer to her, I study her face. "You know I love you."

"I do now."

Grinning like an idiot, I sigh again. "I guess I should have said it better."

"Why?" she asks, taking my hand. "Why do things have to be all sappy and romantic? Why can't they just be?"

"I do love you."

"I love you too. When Doctor Parker tried to crap on us being together, I knew I couldn't walk away."

"Loving you didn't scare me until I thought about losing that."

"I'm afraid too," she says, blinking back tears. "You could get bored of me. Or sick of me. I'm not exactly the pick of the litter."

"You're gorgeous, and I'm shallow. You're tough, and I like chicks who push back when I'm an *. You like the quiet, and I need quiet too," I say, wrapping her in my arms. "I'm not blind either. I see you pushing yourself for me. Not taking a pill here or flashing me those sexy forearms. When you do those things, I want to give you the world."

"Are you mad that I took a Valium last night?"

"Not mad. Only worried I'm pushing you too hard."

"You are pushing me too hard."

Frowning, I kiss her forehead. "I'm an impatient man. I want Locke dead yesterday, and for you to feel safe. I forget the world doesn't bow to my f*cking will."

Darla stares up at me. "I might never feel safe or be healthy again. Killing Locke is great because he's an evil shit, but there's no easy fix for me."

"I know."

"Do you really? I don't think you or Shelley understand. You both think I need to have time and maybe therapy."

"How do you know we're wrong when it's been such a short time?"

"I don't want you getting your hopes up," she says, trying to pull out of my grasp.

"Why? Life is all about the ups and downs. I'm willing to accept the downs if the ups are worth it. With you, the ups are perfect."

Even grinning, Darla rolls her eyes. "Perfect, my ass."

"This ass, you mean?" I ask, reaching down and cupping her curvy butt.

"I might never let you see me naked."

"I'll survive."

"I'll remember you said that when you get annoyed and dump me."

"I'll remember you said that when I don't get annoyed and dump you. My memory's better."

"True."

My swelling cock makes thinking damn impossible, but I force myself to think about something beyond f*cking.

"I have to kill Locke," I mutter, staring into her eyes.

"You will."

"And if I don't? What if I fail?"

"You won't."

"Promise?" I ask, startling myself by the fear in my voice.

Darla studies me and nods. "I promise."

Logically, her words have no power. In my heart, they do, though. I need Darla to believe in me because I'm beginning to doubt myself. Killing Locke has become personal, and I don't know how to work with a lack of perspective. My contractor instincts are shot.





40


~~~

Darla

Owning Everything I Am

Troy is on edge all morning. He paces back and forth from the living room to the spare room. I know he's checking the cameras for suspicious activity, but he won't admit he's nervous. While he paces, I work on my puzzle. I've nearly finished my masterpiece, leaving the entire coffee table filled with my work.