Perfect for You(39)

I reach Horseshoe Lake, our secret meeting place. The art room pops into my head—their secret meeting place. An image of Ash kissing Liz invades my mind. No! I fall to the ground, crying into the grass. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. But it is. My necklace falls forward against my chin as my head rests on the ground. I grip it in my palm. Why did he even give me this? Was it guilt that made him buy me such an expensive gift? Guilt over cheating on me? Or is this his way of trying to get me to stick around so he can date both me and Liz? I never thought Ash could be like this. Like such a dirt bag. Like…Derrick.

Maybe this is my punishment for letting Noah into my life. Or maybe Noah is the one I was supposed to choose. Maybe I chose wrong. Noah could’ve been the guy who was supposed to save me from this. From this exact moment. From history repeating itself. And I was too dumb to see it.

How did this all unravel so quickly? I went from having everything to having nothing. A few days ago I had two guys fighting for my attention. Two guys who wanted to be with me. And now I’ve lost them both.





Chapter Eighteen


I don’t have the strength to face Ash or anyone else. My world is crumbling around me. Ash cheated on me. Grayson is mad at me. Noah isn’t talking to me because, well, because I hurt him and asked him to stay away. This school year is turning out to be a disaster. Senior year was supposed to be amazing. Me and Ash, a killer tennis season, hanging out with Grayson, but I don’t have any of that.

I tell Mom and Dad I’m sick. Since I can’t eat and I’m paler than our white shower curtain, they believe me. Mom keeps bringing me trays of food, but I can’t get anything down. My stomach is in knots. All I can think is that Ash is gone. I opened my heart to him. He’s the first guy I trusted since…But he hurt me, and now he’s gone.

Thursday morning, Mom knocks on my door before work. “Ash called again.” He’s been calling my cell, but since I don’t answer, he switched to the house phone. Mom sits on my bed. “Want to tell me what’s really going on?”

She knows I’m lying about being sick. Well, I’m sort of lying. I certainly feel worse than I ever have. But how do I tell my mom that I’m devastated because the guy I’m in love with, the guy I lost my virginity to, cheated on me with another girl, with a freshman? How do I tell her that I was stupid enough to let this happen to me again?

I break down and cry, and Mom pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back. I know she’s put the pieces together and figured out that Ash and I broke up. “Oh, sweetie, I know it seems like the end of the world right now, but—”

“Don’t.” I pull back. “Don’t give me the ‘you’re only in high school’ speech. I don’t want to hear about how many more boyfriends I’ll have before I find the one.”

Mom nods. “Okay, but I’m here if you need to talk.” She kisses the top of my head and leaves.

I slump back down under the sheets, determined to stay here forever.

***

An hour later, my bedroom door flies open and Noah waltzes in like it’s his bedroom.

“What are you doing?” I sit up, not even caring that my hair is a mess and I’m in desperate need of a shower.

“Get up. You’re going to school.”

I motion to my pajamas and the bed. “Um, no, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. If you don’t show up today, you’re going to miss your match. You aren’t going to win States wallowing in bed. You and Ash broke up. I get it. It sucks. You’re hurting. But he’s not the only guy in the world.” There’s an unspoken “I’m better for you” attached to that sentence.

I stare at him, wondering how he can even still care about me after everything that’s happened. I let him go. I chose Ash, and yet Noah’s the one in my room checking up on me after I missed two days of school. Not Ash. I wonder what Ash is doing, if he’s with Liz.

“Hello?” Noah waves his hand in front of my face.

“Forget it. I already missed two classes. You should go.”

“Don’t worry about me. I was already at school. The worst that will happen is they’ll think I skipped a class. No big deal. When I saw you were ditching, I came right over. I’m not letting you mess up your chance at a scholarship over him.” The word “him” comes off Noah’s lips like a curse. He grabs the sheet and pulls it off me. “Now get up, get showered, and let’s go. I’ll wait for you here.” He reaches for my hand and yanks me to my feet.

“Why?” I stare at him, my hand still in his.

He sighs. “Because this isn’t you. You’re not this shell of a person, Meg. When I met you that day at the courts, you were confident. You had this spunk to you. I knew who you were before that day, but I never thought about you much because you were so shy and you didn’t have…I don’t even know what to call it, but you weren’t fully there.”

Yeah, because Derrick broke me. He made me doubt my worth as a person. I hate that he made me feel that way, but how else could I feel when the first guy who ever told me he loved me tossed me aside in a heartbeat? It was only when Ash came along that I felt whole again, and not because I had another boyfriend. Because Ash made me realize that I’m worthy of being loved. And now here I am, back to where I was two years ago.