Perfect for You(37)

“They’re for the end of next month, right around our six-month anniversary,” I say, hoping the gift has made some of his anger fade.

He closes his eyes and wraps one arm around me, pulling me into him. He leans his head on mine, and I want to cry. He has no idea how awful seeing Derrick was for me. I want to tell him, but this isn’t the time. There are too many people around, and I can’t talk about it without crying. Without another word, Ash walks me to class. He kisses me goodbye, but it’s a small kiss. He’s still processing things. I hate this. This isn’t at all what our anniversary is supposed to be like.

I fumble through the morning in a daze. I definitely fail my Spanish test. I forgot to study thanks to being out late last night with Ash, and I don’t have the ability to concentrate on anything right now. The only positive thing about my morning is that Derrick isn’t in any of my classes. I sort of expected the universe to throw him in my face by giving him my exact schedule. But I guess even the universe is feeling sorry for me right now. I can’t handle seeing him again. I need to keep my distance from any guy who isn’t Ash. At least until things settle down again between us.

As I’m walking into my photography elective, Liz comes out of the class. She doesn’t even notice me because she’s too busy talking to a group of her friends. “He said she’s too much work to date. He’s sick of it. So,” she drags the word out, “he’s hanging out with me tonight.” Liz and the other girls shriek and clutch onto each other like only freshmen girls do. I roll my eyes, but I’m a little relieved because she must have found some other guy to throw herself at. I wonder who he is. Poor guy. Still, better him than Ash.

It’s my turn in the dark room, which is cool with me because I don’t feel like being around a bunch of people. Grayson’s my partner so I nudge her with my elbow as I carry my stuff. “Come on. I need to talk to you, away from anyone who can overhear us.” I desperately want to tell her about Derrick. And Noah. And Ash.

She doesn’t say a word, just follows me, so the moment I shut the dark room door behind us, I launch into my story. “So Ash and Noah are totally at odds with each other, and to make Ash happy, I told Noah I can’t see him anymore—you know, as friends. But he was really hurt. He likes me. Really likes me. I feel bad, but I don’t want to lose Ash. And then this morning guess who shows up?”

She shrugs, not all that interested in hearing my problems, which isn’t like her at all. I continue anyway. “Derrick.”

That gets her attention.

“Your Derrick? He’s back?”

“Yup, and Ash saw me talking to him and freaked. I mean, he did see me slap Derrick, so he knows there’s some history there. I just don’t know how to tell him what happened. It’s so humiliating. How do I tell my boyfriend about the guy who broke my heart two years ago? I don’t like talking about it, and I know I don’t even really talk to you about it either and you’re my best friend, but I’m not over what Derrick did. I don’t know how to move past that kind of hurt.”

“Is Ash worried you still have feelings for Derrick?” Her voice is strange, more accusing than sympathetic.

“I don’t know. That’s crazy though. I hate Derrick. I’d never go there again.”

“Not even if he apologized?”

“No!” God, how can she even think that?

“Still, he’s one more guy Ash has to think about.” She shakes her head. “My project isn’t even finished. I can’t do anything in here today. I’m going back into the classroom to work on it.”

“Gray.” Is she kidding? “I’m in full crisis mode and you don’t even care. It’s my anniversary, you know.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure seeing you with Derrick was just want Ash wanted.”

Ouch. “That’s harsh, Gray. Do you think I wanted to see Derrick?”

“I don’t know anymore, Meg. I thought you loved Ash but then Noah came along and you—no.” She puts her hands up. “You know what? I’m not getting involved. This is your problem. You created this mess. You can get yourself out of it.”

“I didn’t ask for any of this.”

“You could’ve ended it all. Put a stop to it before things got out of control. But you didn’t. And you know what really sucks?”

I know better than to try to answer.

“You haven’t even called me since before tryouts.”

Is that true? No, it can’t be. Can it?

“You’ve been a sucky friend, and you don’t even care. I went home sick on Friday. Last time you were sick, I brought you soup and crackers. You…didn’t even text me to see if I was feeling better or if I needed anything.”

She’s right. I’ve been so wrapped up in everything that I forgot about her. “Gray, I’m sorry. I’ve just been a little screwed up lately. I messed up.”

“Forget it. See you later.” She storms out, letting the door slam shut.

I know she’s pissed at me for blowing her off all weekend, but she has no idea what I’ve been going through. Ending things with Noah wasn’t easy, and then Ash and I were celebrating. Good thing too, considering how sucky our actual anniversary is turning out. I give Grayson space, knowing she needs it. She’ll get over this. She has to understand that I’m in a relationship and can’t be with her all the time. Yes, I should’ve called her. That was my fault. But I did spend my summer training her so she’d make the team, and it’s not like she’s never blown me off before. Last summer she ditched me for a week when her new neighbors moved in. She spent every waking minute with the hot college guy, who, as it turns out, is gay.