Never Standing Still (The Never Duet #1)(22)

**I’m good. Just glad you’re okay.**

**When will you be back in Portland?**

I didn’t have a reason to be back in Portland at all. My next job was, thankfully, in Seattle and the next few jobs after that took me to California. Oregon wasn’t even on my radar.

**Probably not for a while. I don’t have anything lined up there in the near future.**

Ella’s response took a while to come, but when it did, I sighed heavily and my thumbnail unconsciously found its way to my teeth.

**Maybe Megan and I will head to Seattle for a girls day.**

This wasn’t the first time Ella had hinted at coming to Seattle and I knew I couldn’t keep brushing her off forever. The fact of the matter was, I didn’t see how I could bring them to Seattle without divulging everything to them. Marcus was someone I kept very close to my heart. I didn’t tell anyone about him, or his condition, and I didn’t bring new people around. The last thing he needed in his life was more people who disappeared on him, and he didn’t have the capacity to understand that adults sometimes just weren’t around.

The last thing I wanted was for someone to come into my life, meet Marcus, have him form an attachment to them, only to have them disappear on him. It was heartache I could protect him from.

**It might be easier for me to just make a day trip down there.**

There was another long pause, but she finally responded.

**I can’t wait.**

I took a deep breath, both relieved by her response, but also guilty that this giant omission was beginning to feel more like a lie.

**I’m really sorry, again, for everything.**

She couldn’t possibly know everything I was sorry for, but it made me feel slightly better to type it.

**You’ve got absolutely nothing to be sorry about. Call me tomorrow, okay?**

I responded with a smiley face, done talking and not wanting to elicit any more conversation from her. I’m sure she was exhausted after everything that happened to her the day before, and I was very done denying my best friend the ability to get close to me. It hurt keeping her at arm’s length, but I’d been so burnt in the past, this gentle sting was no comparison.

I put my phone down and returned my attention to the movie. A couple minutes had passed before I heard Marcus’ gentle voice call out to me.

“Kal?”

“Yeah, Marky?”

He rolled onto his side, looking back at me from his position on the floor where he was lying on a pile of pillows. “If Mom and Dad were still alive, would you still be here with me?”

I stared at him for a few moments, trying to string together the right combination of words that didn’t break him apart any more than he already was. The easy answer was no. No, I’d be a somewhat normal almost thirty-year-old living on my own, trying to make my own life. But I couldn’t tell him that. I also couldn’t tell him that if Mom and Dad were still alive, his life would look a lot different too. He’d be getting ready to start his senior year of high school, probably heading off to college the following fall. Everything would be different were Mom and Dad alive.

But I couldn’t tell him that. Couldn’t put that weight on his shoulders, couldn’t tie him down with those thoughts.

“Yeah, buddy. I’d still be here. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here with you.” At least part of my sentence could be true. There was nowhere else I’d rather be than taking care of my brother. It was the least I could do, after all.




A week passed, spent completely in Seattle with Marcus. Nancy was there, of course, it was her home, but I took on the responsibility of Marcus. I always tried to be the caregiver if I was home. I took him to the park to ride his bike, we went to see a movie, and I also took him shopping for school clothes.

The boy had grown three inches over the summer and needed almost an entirely new wardrobe. And even though Marcus was a boy with special needs, he still maintained the stereotypical male aversion to shopping. There was also the added obstacle of treating him the way you would a normal boy of seventeen—letting him pick his own clothes, letting him go in a dressing room alone—balanced with taking his capabilities into account.

So, I let him go in the dressing room by himself, but I stood just outside the door, making sure he was on track and not getting too frustrated. He was known to throw some major temper tantrums if frustration seeped its way into his mood.

Going out in public with him was something I’d gotten used to. If we were just walking through a store, no one really took notice of Marcus; he looked like an ordinary teenager. But if Marcus started talking, that’s when people started to notice he was different. I tried not to let the gawkers bother me, because I knew if I let it bother me, it would bother him. So, I responded to him the way I would any child. It was what he needed. To be treated normally.

“How’s it going, Marky?” He grunted, then groaned, so I deduced it wasn’t going well. “Are the pants too small? Do you need a bigger size?”

“I think so,” he sighed, then opened the door. Not only were the pants too small around the waist, they were a good two inches too short.

“Okay, you wait here and I’ll go find another pair in a bigger size.”

“Can’t we just buy the bigger size? I’m sick of trying on clothes.” He was whining and I tried not to let it show it grated on my nerves.