Lustly(23)

I just want to know if you’re okay. – E

I wrote back. I told you I was fine. – L

If you need to talk I’m here. – E

I know where to find you. – L

It was weird how after so many years I’d only ever thought about Charlie, but now Eli held my thoughts in the man department. It was so new and exciting, and scary at the same time. I felt myself getting flush when I thought about our kissing, and groping. I wondered if he’d think my tits were too small, or that the freckles on my back weren’t appealing. It was silly, but true.

My day at the diner dragged, and Eli had court all week, so working at the office was just as boring. By the time I got home I went straight to lie down. In fact, for the next three days I had the same routine. I was too depressed and emotionally exhausted to deal with Charlie, so playing the sick card to the kids solved it temporarily.

Ms. Cybil called me after the third day, and I wasn’t sure if I was happy or frightened about it.

“Lily, how are you doing?”

Miserable.

Alone.

Suicidal.

“I’ve been better.”

“I got your results this morning. Are you still interested in the position?”

At least he hadn’t given me herpes.

I looked around the living room, at the couch, the rugs, the mantel, and all of the pictures of my family; my children, and knew what I had to do. “Yes. I’m interested.”

“Can you be here tomorrow morning around ten for your first training session?”

“Are you going to re-teach me how to have sex?” I had to ask.

“No dear. I’m going to teach you how to let go of your fears and enjoy your job.”

“I doubt it, but I’ll be there with shiny bells on. I need the money desperately, and I’ll do my best at whatever it is I need to do.”

“See you then.” She hung up without saying anything else. I didn’t know if she was busy, or didn’t like my sarcasm. Since I needed this to pan out, I had to be more careful about what I chose to say to the woman.

That next morning I thought I was seriously going to be sick. Why I’d considered that sleeping with a stranger for money was a good solution boggled me.

I thought about so much that my head was pounding. After downing three pain killers, I got myself ready for the biggest mistake of my life.

It was for my kids.

I had to do it.

I had to get away from my husband.

It was just my body. He wouldn’t have my soul.

Hookers were in the bible.

It didn’t help when I messaged Eli and let him know that I may not be in the office. He replied back immediately.

Are you okay? – E

Yes. Have an appointment. – L

Are you sick? – E

He cared too much, only reminding me that I’d never have someone like him to hold me at night, especially not since I was about to become a whore.

Nothing like that. I will message you later. Thanks, friend. – L

Friend was the worst word in the dictionary.

He didn’t reply, and I felt sad about it. I needed to stop, because thinking about him only made my life harder.

I pushed myself to pull up at those gates, and second guessed my decision even more as I walked inside of the front door.

The only thing that kept me motivated was the idea of providing for my kids. I’d do anything for them, and nothing was going to stop me, not even my conscience.





Session #1



“Close your eyes, Lily.” I did as I was told, allowing Ms. Cybil to put the blindfold over my eyes. I could feel my legs shaking under the long robe as my view was being disturbed by the thin silk fabric of the mask. Then the robe, that was given to me after she had me strip nude, was removed.

One at a time she grabbed my hands and put them behind my back, wrapping them in a scarf.

It was bad enough that she’d made me strip in front of her, also part of the session. Apparently I’d have to be comfortable being naked in front of my client.

Duh!

How I thought that any of this was going to be doable was beyond me. It was clearly the worst decision I’d made to date. “I’m afraid,” I admitted out loud. Sure, I’d gone along with this because it was for the kids. The idea of being naked around a strange man was preventing me from being able to remain calm.

What was I doing?

How could I let a stranger touch me?

What if I ran out of the house naked and drove home?

This was the worst decision of my life, aside from trusting Mr. Shit Stains.

She stood over me, coaxing the fear away, by assuring me that if I just let go I’d be able to experience something new and exciting. I had to take it for what it was.

Just sex.

After Ms. Cybil had spoke to me a few more moments I’d been able to agree to opening up and allow the session to give me the opportunity to try a few things without crossing any boundaries. She needed to know if I was going to be able to let myself become the woman she expected. I still wasn’t sure, but had agreed to one hour.

I just had to get through two sessions. Just two. The problem was that I had no details on either of them.

My first training session was under the watch of Ms. Cybil. I knew she’d be judging me, so I made sure I shaved all of the hair off of my body, and wore the sweetest smelling lotions. I didn’t have the energy to hear that I wasn’t good enough. After what I was going through I needed to hear something positive.