Loving Nicole (Savage Brothers MC #3)(50)

“Your mommy is a silly, silly woman sometimes, Dom. I promise to try and do better. You’ll love your daddy. He’s a good man and he’ll always take care of you.”

I lay my head on the glass of my son’s incubator. I hate that word. My son is a human not an animal a farmer is trying to produce. I swallow as I see how small he is next to my hand. It doesn’t even seem like he could breathe being so small. You can still see small red lines on his body where his skin is so frail. His head has this dark black hair though. I am not sure what I expected, but that wasn’t it. His little features are so wrinkled and small, they’re hard to make out because of the wires he has to have monitoring him and the tube they have coming from his mouth. The nurse explained each one and its purpose, but honestly, it goes over my head at this point.

“It’d be nice if you would let Dragon hear you say that,” Bull says from the door. His large figure is draped in the yellow hospital gown and the gloves look too tight for his hands, and I can tell he’s upset with me.

“I know.”

“If you know, why did he look like he’d lost every hope he had in the world when I saw him leaving?”

“Because I told him it was over.”

Bull makes that sound he has. It’s between a growl and a groan of disapproval. It sounds like the noise a bear makes when he’s annoyed he has to run after his food. (Okay, so I watch a lot of Discovery Channel.)

“I don’t suppose you bothered to tell him Dom’s real name either, did you, Nic?”

Now I know he’s pissed, because recently he has taken to calling me Little Mama and odd as it is, I miss it.

“Not yet…”

He fingers the place card on the end of the incubator.

He looks straight at me and his dark eyes pin me. I can feel his disappointment and I don’t like it.

“You know I got nothing in the world but love for you, Little Mama, but you’re going to have to let go of some of this anger. If not for you, then for Dom. He’s what is important.”

I break away from his eyes and watch my son, and whisper the one thing that hurts me more than anything else.

“He let me think he was dead, Bull. He destroyed me. My son is here fighting for his life and I can’t help but feel that it’s Dragon’s fault.”

“Nic, I love you, but that’s bullshit.”

“It’s not. Stress…”

“Stress can do a lot, I’m not saying you’re wrong. What I am telling you is that things happen the way they are meant to happen. You can’t pinpoint one thing that started this. If you want to blame anyone, blame Kavanagh—may his soul rot in hell.”

I swallow, because he’s right in a way. Still, I resent the way he’s laying this at my feet.

“He shouldn’t have locked me out, Bull. He shouldn’t have done that to me. He let me think he was dead!”

“I’m not saying he was completely right either, Nicole. I’m saying what you’re doing isn’t making it any better.”

“He didn’t even apologize!”

“Nicole, how many women do you think Dragon let in as far as you’ve gotten? Hell, even a fourth of the way?”

“I don’t want to think of Dragon with another woman.”

“None.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m not talking f*cked, Nicole.”

I look around the room, luckily the nurse that stays with Dom has left while I’m here, but still…

“Don’t use that word around Dom.”

Bull looks up at the sky like he’s praying for divine intervention and shakes his head. “That boy will know what f*ck means before his tenth birthday. Probably much sooner. Accept it now, woman.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t fight it, Bull.”

“Lord have mercy.”

“For someone that doesn’t talk a lot, you sure are getting chatty.”

“I like you.”

I smile.

“He hurt me bad, Bull. He even accused me and Skull of getting it on in the limo at his damned funeral! Which was fake, anyway!”

“Nic…” he starts and his voice cracks and he starts again. “Nicole, Dragon has never let another person in, except you. He even keeps his brothers at a distance. He’s going to f*ck up. You want him, you’re going to have to show him. He ain’t going to know on his own, besides, you women can be crazy.”

“He was wrong.”

“Are you willing to throw away what you two have? Your son’s family for the sake of being right?”

“I’m not giving in on this and letting Dragon off the hook, Bull. I can’t spend my life letting him have his way in everything. He has to know what he did was wrong, on so many levels.”

“So, don’t give in completely, but being childish isn’t helping.”

“I’ll change the damn name!” I yell ripping the card up. “I had planned on doing it before you got here anyway,” I say grumbling.

Bull halfway smiles.

I go over to where I watched the nurse hand me a card last time. She refused to write Dom’s fake name for me. I had to do it. (I might have mumbled she was a self-righteous bitch, under my breath.) I write Dominic West on the paper and put it in the place card holder on the incubator. (Again, I hate that word.)