Loving Nicole (Savage Brothers MC #3)(49)

“And I told you I don’t trust that.”

“So where does that leave us?”

“Over,” she whispers, pulling away from me.

I grab her arm and pull her back to me.

“Don’t you say that Nicole, don’t you f*cking dare say that to me.”

“Dragon…”

“You’re hurt. I get that, woman. I made the decision and I should have thought it through more, but it’s done. I can’t go back. I did what I had to do so you and our son didn’t end up like Frog. I did what I had to do to protect what is mine, and that means you and Chase.”

“His name is Chasin.”

“How the hell would I know? You named him without even talking to me, damn it!”

“Gee Dragon, you died without consulting me!”

“Then be a pissy-ass-bitch, but don’t cut me out of your lives! Don’t pull us apart, when we don’t have to be. You thought you lost me and I was there! I know it sucked. God Mama, don’t you think it was as bad for me, not being able to be with you?”

“That right there! You see!”

“What the hell are you talking about now?”

“It wasn’t as bad for you, Dragon! It was nowhere near as bad! Do you know why? Because your f*cking ass knew I was alive. You knew you would see me again! You knew where I was! You have no idea the hell I went through. You never once put yourself in my shoes.”

I pull away and rake my hand over my head.

Fuck this.

“So you’d rather tear us apart than to even try? What kind of weak-ass shit is that, Nicole? That’s not the woman I fell in love with.”

She just stands there looking at me. She says nothing. Nothing.

I sigh. I’m so tired. I’m tired as hell. I grab the flowers and throw them in the garbage, because apparently that’s what I am to her at this point.

“Let’s go see our son and get you back to the club.”

“I…I’m not going to the club, I…”

“You’re f*cking what, Nicole?” I ask, my voice sounds as resigned and tired as I feel.

“I’m staying with Carrie and Dancer.”

I stare at her. I just stare. Yet another f*cking decision made without me. Yet another motherf*cking moment in which Nicole shows me I don’t factor into her world. Why do I keep fighting it?

“Fine. We’ll go see our son and then I’ll take you to Dance’s.”

“Carrie’s picking me up…”

“Of course she is. Tell me, is it fun, Mama?”

“What… what are you talking about?”

“Is it fun where you’re at? Cutting me up into little pieces and throwing me out with the garbage?”

Her face goes white, but I don’t ease up.

“Are you getting some of your own back? Is that what you’re doing? Cause, whatever this is, I hope you’re getting what you need from it. I get it. I hurt you. I wronged you, so you feel it gives you the right to get back at me. You want me out of your life, Nicole? Fine. You want to do this to us. What-the-f*ck-ever. You can have it. I am f*cking done. I’m going to see my son. I’m going to go have a f*cking drink, maybe the f*cking bottle, and I’ll leave you the f*ck alone, like you seem to be wanting, so badly. So, have fun on your f*cking high horse.”

I slam the door as I leave. I spend a few moments with Chase. When Nicole walks in, I don’t even look at her.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, C. Keep fighting,” I tell my son and then I leave. I don’t look back. Apparently, there’s nothing there for me anyway.





Chapter 30




Nicole


Do you ever wish you could have that one moment back? That one moment when, even if you were in the right, you have the feeling that your decision, your actions or inactions changed the course of your life and fear what might happen?

As Dragon walked out of the room, that feeling swamps me and robs my air. I lied. I don’t want it to be over. I don’t want to live without Dragon. I love him. He loves me. The trouble is, I don’t think we love in the same way. He didn’t say he was sorry. He put me through hell, and I’m convinced that’s a major reason I went into labor. Then he accuses me of doing something wrong with Skull, on the day of his funeral! In the back of the limo, on the way to the cemetery with gunfire everywhere! I’m owed a freaking apology somewhere in that. He should be down on his knees begging for forgiveness and kissing my feet. Not making me feel like total shit (which he did) and walking out on me.

So, instead of following my first instinct and running after him, I watch him leave. If he doesn’t try to make things truly right, there’s nothing I can do. The acknowledgment of that sours in my stomach. I can’t help it. I have more than just me to think about now; I have Dominic.

I didn’t name our baby Chasin Donovan like he thought. I named our child Dominic West. No middle name; it wasn’t needed. I want him to have the same exact initials as Dragon, and I wanted a strong name, that’s true. Still, Dominic was Frog’s real name and I thought Dragon would like to remember the name of a brother who gave everything for the club. It seemed fitting. Dragon despised the name Chasin when we were going through the book, so, I had the hospital put that name on the card in his room. It was stupid, childish, and immature and I feel like a bitch now, but when the hospital said they needed to send papers off to name our child, I was stuck. If Dragon knew I named his son after someone in the club he would view it as me giving in and I couldn’t let that happen. I’m weak. It’s taking all I have to hold Dragon off. If he really comes at me, I’m not sure I can resist. Still, I need to fix it.