Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(119)

“Sorry.” I was completely embarrassed. “What was it?”

“While you were in the hospital I had my appointment with the medical board. It seems that my injuries are more severe than I thought. They’re going to have to do surgery, and they’re not real sure that he can fix the damage.”

I looked down at the scars on his arm; the scars that saved that young child. My finger traced over them. “What does that mean?”

“Well, depending on a few factors, I may not be able to stay on active duty. I know I can’t pass a normal physical evaluation. Without feeling in my hand and arm, I can’t operate the machinery that I was trained to use.”

“You said it didn’t bother you.”

He began to laugh. “It doesn’t. For the most part, I can’t feel much of anything. I just assumed that it was alright. But I can tell that sometimes I lose the feeling and control over it.”

I put my hand over my mouth. “Jesus, you picked me up before. You just carried a mattress. What were you thinking?”

He shrugged again and reached over to touch my lips. “I was thinking that I’d waited my whole life to be with you and hold a child that we shared together. When the opportunity was in front of me, I couldn’t refuse it.”

I felt terrible and couldn’t look at him in the face. “So, it’s our fault you may not be able to work?”

He pulled me back toward him and my body fell over his. “Even if it was, I wouldn’t be mad. I’ve got plans for us, Kat, and they don’t involve the military. Getting out wouldn’t be that bad. I could get a job and we’d be fine.”

“I still can’t believe that you want to be with me. So much has happened. If you were smart, you would have forgotten about me a long time ago.”

He patted me on the back. “We’re a family. I’ve doubted myself for many reasons in my life, but deciding to love you was never something I ever considered giving up. That probably makes me a fool. I really don’t care what anyone thinks about it. We can be something beautiful together and that’s all I need to know.”

I lightly smacked his chest. “Stop doing that.”

“What?” He acted like he didn’t know.

“Making me love you even more.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Then he went right into another topic. “I’ve got some paint outside. I’m going to need to paint the ceiling before we can get the sheets on the bed. I bought you the nice thick ones like we had growing up.”

I rolled over, slowly, taking my time so I didn’t hurt too much. “I guess I’ll just lay here and watch.”

He sat up and kissed me on my nose. “Sounds good to me.” Brooks stood up and before walking out of the room, he turned around and looked at me. “So, did you get everything taken care of today?”

I leaned up on both elbows. “For the most part. The church is basically taking over and everyone pretty much made it clear that I wasn’t going to be welcome. They all think I’m a terrible person. I know you don’t see it, but maybe they’re all right. How else could I feel so happy to start over with you, in the midst of a tragedy?”

Brooks walked over to the bed and kneeled in front of me. “Kat, you’re human and you’re coping. If I wasn’t here life would be different, but I can’t let what’s happened come between us. I won’t. Only you and Bobby know what happened in that truck. You can blame yourself for the rest of your life, if that will help you cope. The fact is that, he forced you into that vehicle, after breaking a protective order and hunting you down, with every intention of harming you, or maybe even worse. Wake up and see what I see, because nowhere does it say that defending yourself can be construed as murder. You were trying to survive in a dire situation, one where your life felt threatened. If they can’t understand that, then screw them. They weren’t your real friends anyway.”

He patted on my leg before standing up and walking out of the room.

After I knew he’d gone outside, I looked down at the mattress and the new rug. He was going to have to cover the whole room in plastic while he repaired the black mark from the flames. It was a good thing that ceiling paint was easy to come by.

Brooks entered the room with a bunch of trash bags that he started spreading out over the floor, and once I got up, the bed as well. He opened a can of primer and held it and a paintbrush as he climbed onto the bed. “I need to seal the spot. I checked earlier and it didn’t go through. He must have put out the flames as soon as they started to get high. One coat of this primer and couple coats of the paint should do the trick. If you hate it, I’ll rip out the drywall and replace the whole area.”

“You know how to do all that?”

“Do you think I just wear this uniform and walk around all day looking sexy?” he kept preparing while he spoke.

I laughed at him. “Of course not. I just didn’t think they taught you stuff like this.”

“Woman, you’ve got a lot to learn about the things I know.” He bent down and touched the tip of the wet brush to my nose.

I reached over and ran my hands up his camouflage t-shirt. “I’m a more hands on kind of learner.”

He sat the paint can down on the nightstand and hovered over my body. “Let’s get started then.”