Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(124)

Chapter 59


I didn’t know what to say to him, and it was obvious that he was also at a complete loss for words. As he used his thumbs to wipe away my tears, his head rested against mine. What else could he do? He was in shock.

We both were.

Our parents had been having an affair, and it had cost my innocent mother her life. For years we’d all lived under the same roof with no clue that it had ever happened.

That wasn’t what was bothering me. What was making it hard for me to understand was the fact that Danica’s confession had opened my eyes to what I was doing with my own life. I was dwelling on the things that I couldn’t change and taking for granted what was right in front of me.

Whether or not I could forgive Danica wasn’t the issue. There was something way more important that I needed to tend to; someone that I’d relied on my whole life, but never really let myself believe that it could really exist. Considering my past, and all the pain that came with it, imagining rainbows and sunshine never happened for me. Sure, I knew I loved Brooks, and I also knew he was all I wanted, but I guess I just never had faith that I’d have the chance at it. I’d been living in the now for so long, protecting myself from more long-term heartache. Instead of imagining a forever, I’d thought about when it would all fall apart again.

My eyes were finally open.

Without speaking, I pulled Brooks into my bedroom and sat him down on the bed. “Wait here.”

He watched me walk out, but never argued or asked where I was going. I peeked into B’s room and saw her lying with her grandmother. Danica needed her. As upset and shocked as I was, I also knew that she had honored my mother’s last wish. She’d taken care of me and given me the best life that I could have. She let me make my own decisions, and even though they were wrong, I was able to learn it for myself. She’d forgiven me for all of my flaws and accepted the fact that I’d kept my daughter from her for two years. I knew everything wasn’t going to go back to the way it was over night. Since me and Brooks still needed to sleep on how to react to what we’d just discovered, I took comfort in knowing she wasn’t alone. She was with the one person in the world that was too young to understand what was occurring. Danica was with the one person on the planet that loved her unconditionally.

I knew B was in good hands, so I went back into my room and locked the door.

Brooks was still sitting there with his hands on his knees. He was looking down at the floor, most likely wondering how he was going to be able to look at his mother the same way again.

I got down on the floor and wedged myself in between his legs. He looked into my eyes and I wiped away his tears. His cheeks were warm and a darker shade of pink from being emotional, yet he was still so handsome. When he got upset, his eyes were an even brighter shade of blue.

“I’m so sorry about my mom, Kat. If I would have known-”

I cut him off by putting my finger up to his lips. “Shh, don’t talk about it. Just listen to what I have to say.”

I knew my eyes were glossy, and I was about to pour my heart out and pray that I could fix what I’d broken. “Do you know that there’s not one single day in my life that I can remember where I didn’t love you?”

He folded his hands together and I watched his saddened face change. He wasn’t smiling, but I definitely had his attention. “Tell me something I don’t know,” he teased.

“I’m tired of fighting with you. I’m sick of all of it.” I waited to see if I was confusing him. When his eyes began to squint, I knew he was thinking. “What your Mom told us may be unbelievable, but I get why she did it. For the first time I understand what she’s been trying to get through my hard head. It’s like I’m seeing clearly, finally.” He held up his arms, like I made no sense at all. “Brooks, if you don’t move all of your shit into this house soon, I’m going to go crazy. There’s no reason you’re still going to the base to change. B and I need you here. We can’t be a family unless you’re here with us, all of the time. Your mom was right. I can’t change my past, and I shouldn’t ruin my future; our future. If it’s still okay, I’m ready to fall completely into this with you. I’ve been ready my whole life, but I was just too scared of losing you. I’m not scared anymore, Brooks. I’m not afraid of what tomorrow might bring, because I know you’re going to be there. I know you’ll protect me and love me like you’ve done our whole lives. God, I’ve wasted so much time. Are you even listening to me? Do you still want this?” He was silent. “Say something?”

He stared at me, never responding.

Then he fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, while I sat there, crouched down on the floor. All of the sudden I heard him laughing.

No, he wasn’t just laughing, he was losing his mind, carrying on with himself so loudly that I knew his mother could hear him. I climbed on the bed, wondering if he was literally going insane. When I went to shake him, he grabbed my arm before I could make contact. Then he was quiet.

I looked at him, concerned and wondering if I’d been right to assume he was going crazy. That’s when I saw the tears running down the sides of his face. “Are you okay? Is it the affair? Do you want to talk about it?” I hadn’t considered that he needed time. I’d been selfish again and not put him first.