Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(117)

“Hello?”

“Sarah, it’s me, Katy. I’ve got some bad news.”

She started crying immediately. “Bobby’s cousin saw Dave last night at the gas station. We heard about the accident.”

“I wanted to come tell you in person, but I can’t get around easily. I’m so sorry, Sarah. I know you both loved him very much.”

The line got quiet and I didn’t hear her sniffles anymore. “And what about you, Katy? Did you ever love that man at all? What was he in Washington, D.C. for in the first place?”

I stared at the charred ceiling and started to cry. “He was furious with me for serving him papers. Sarah, you might not believe this, but he was going to hurt me again.”

“Bullshit!” I’d never heard her use profanity, which could only mean she was irate with me. “That man loved you more that his own life. How dare you sit there on that pedestal and act like he wasn’t a fine person. He gave you everything and he died because of it. I hope you’re happy with yourself, when you’re walking around town with your soldier boyfriend. Just know that when you feel like people are talking about you, they will be.”

“Sarah, I’ve never lied to you. I swear.”

“Save it. I don’t want any more of your excuses. You don’t know how hard it’s been to live with knowing that I brought you into our lives. You ruin everything you touch, Katy. I should have left you at that store and kept driving.”

I was crying so hard that Danica had come running to the room. The phone was still in my hand, but the line had gone dead. Sarah, my only friend that I’d relied on since arriving in town, not only hated me, but wished she’d never met me.

Danica held me and let me cry. She didn’t ask questions, or try to talk to me. There wasn’t a way that I could even express my feelings any other way. I felt like I wanted to die myself. I’d taken away a man that my town considered the ideal person. They’d never know what he was like behind closed doors. They’d never understand that I’d tried to be good to him, even after so much pain.

Finally, she climbed off of the box spring and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

When the phone started ringing, I jumped. Thinking it was Sarah or maybe even Dave, calling me to give me another bout of verbal torture, I answered as calm as possible. “Hello?”

“You’re crying? What’s wrong?” Hearing his voice made me cry harder. There he was calling me at that exact moment where I felt so helpless.

“I just got off the phone with Sarah.”

“That bad?”

“Well, they all loved him. They could never believe the things that I said he did, and of course, I got blamed for everything that happened, including him coming to D.C. and losing his life. She even said that the whole town was going to hate me and I needed to prepare myself for it.” I started to sob so loudly that I couldn’t hear him talking.

“Kat, listen to me. You’ve got to calm down.”

Finally, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Sorry.”

“We’re going to get through these next couple of days. Mom and I will be by your side the whole time. I don’t give a shit what those people think of you. I know the real Katy; the one that cares about other people and leaves her life and everything behind because she’s disappointed them. I know the girl that lost her parents and somehow grew up to be an amazing mother. And last but never least, I know the woman that loves someone with her whole heart, no matter how far away they might be. Please, try to calm down. I’ll be there around four. I’ve got to stop and do something first.”

“Brooks?”

“Yeah?”

I sniffled and tried to think of what to say to him, because thank you was never going to be enough. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do. Go take a hot bath. Close your eyes and think about B’s smile. Think about how happy she is when you walk into the room. Think of things that make you happy. Just try to relax.”

“I’ll think about you, Brooks.”

He laughed and I knew he was smiling. “Without clothes. That always seems to change my mood.”

I snickered through another wave of tears. “I’ll try that.”

“That’s my girl. I’ll see you in a bit.”

I held the phone up to my chest and was able to finally calm down. It was obvious that I was fighting a losing battle with my heart. I was going to have to stop disputing it, because more than ever, I needed Brooks. I just had to figure out how to get past the demons in my head that was torturing the part of me that needed closure.

That was a battle that I wasn’t sure how to overcome.





Chapter 56


Since I’d decided to do everything over the phone and not leave my house, I was determined to get things as cleaned up as I could.

Bobby’s family and friends were going to handle everything at the church being that I was no longer a welcome part of the congregation. I’d like to think that it didn’t hurt me, but it would have been a lie. Not only was I hurting, but I was sad for my daughter, whether she even remembered all of them or not. I hated that people were only judged from the outside. Though I may not have been the best to Bobby, I did try to make him happy. When the abuse began, I did everything for him.