Losing Him (Mitchell Family #8)(32)

“Okay, but I still want to call her.” He added.

“We can still call her.” I promised.

Jacob stood up with his bag of chicken nuggets and walked to the back door of the car. “Let’s go!”

I followed him as if he was in charge.

A little while later, after I’d turned around, we stopped at a little motel and got a room for the night. Jacob had settled down as soon as he knew he was going back to his mother. I was still undecided on my feelings. It wasn’t like me to be so indecisive, but Heather had a way of making me crazy.

I wanted to do the right thing by my family, but it pissed me off that she couldn’t talk to me. Was it worth ripping apart our family? At first look, I thought yes, but after hearing Jacob, I was starting to think that I’d jumped the gun again.

I at least needed to hear her out. We could make a decision together and go from there. Of course, I already knew how Heather would feel. There was never a time where she’d asked me to leave. I had always been the one that walked away.

I needed to change and be a better person myself. It wasn’t just Heather that I was running away from. It was growing up and being responsible. Sure, I was a good dad, but I needed to learn to be a good partner. I needed to learn how to forgive and get over things, so we could all be happy together.

Chapter 17


Heather


I’d made it into my mother’s room before I lost all control over myself. Once again my heart had been shattered. Why was it so hard for me to be loved by someone? I would have done anything to make them happy and they still didn’t want me.

The things that I’d done had come back and bit me in the ass again. Unfortunately, I only had my self to blame. It was the bitter end of another relationship. My son would never have the happy family that he wanted. Instead, he’d be stuck in the middle of visitation rights. Knowing Jessie’s family, they’d push him for full custody and I’d have to lose more money by hiring a lawyer.

Without my mother, I had nobody to call and talk to. I was alone completely.

Devastated and out of options, I headed into the kitchen and found a bottle of dark rum. It hadn’t been opened, but was covered in dust, appearing to be very old. Hoping that it was strong, I opened the bottle and started drinking. The burn reminded me of what I was trying to accomplish. I wanted to get drunk and forget about the pain, if only for a little while. My life was empty and my heart was full of sadness. I had nothing to be happy about. It was pointless to cry myself to sleep, because I’d just wake up alone.

About an hour later I was feeling better. The dizziness wasn’t that bad as I headed upstairs to my mother’s sewing room. I looked down at that box that held the dress my mother had made for me. I don’t know why I did it, but I started stripping down to my underwear.

The box wasn’t taped, so it came open easy. I spread it out and stepped into it, feeling the smooth fabric against my skin. My body may have been numb, but I paid close attention to the way the dress felt. The detail was so beautiful. I ran my hands over the outside. Unable to fasten it in the back, I admired myself a little before heading back down to my mother’s room to get a better look in her full length mirror.

The bottle was half empty and I grabbed it, drinking another quarter all at once. The mirror behind my mother’s door let me see the whole dress. It was gorgeous and elegant. My mother must have spent a long time making it perfect. Every single detailed item was done by her hands. “Mom, I miss you so much. I can’t believe you’re gone. I don’t know what to do without you. How am I supposed to get through this?” I started crying, realizing that the alcohol could only numb the pain and the not the memory.

I dropped down the floor and watched myself crying in the mirror. I knew she couldn’t answer me, but I’d talked to her anyway, in a desperate attempt of having someone there for me. It was hopeless.

I’m not sure how long I sat there. Things became blurry quite fast. One minute I was crying on the floor and the next I was in my mother’s car driving down the road. Looking back, I knew it was a horrible thing to do, but nothing was making sense as I went through the motions.

There was only one place that I needed to be; one place to get things off of my chest. I wanted to scream and yell until the pain and anguish subsided.

The Mitchell Farm was dark as I pulled onto the dirt lane. I managed to turn off my headlights halfway up it. I stopped in the middle, leaving the car running, while I climbed out and started walking in bare feet. The gravel didn’t hurt my feet since I couldn’t feel them to begin with. My skin may have been numb, but nothing else was. Pain, loss, frustration, resentment, all overwhelmed me.

I needed someone to hear me. I wanted them to listen.

Like every weekend when we were younger, I knew where to find Tyler Mitchell. I held onto the sides of my dress as I made my way to the barn. Tears ran down my face when I thought of being fueled by hate. I had nothing left to lose.

Jessie had not only driven away with my heart. He’d taken my son and left me to dwell in my own empty hole of a life. He probably wished I was dead, instead of my kind mother.

Why would he ever want to see me again? All I’d ever done was lie to him. I couldn’t blame him for hating me when I hated myself and who I’d become.

I never expected to walk into the barn and see them all sitting there staring back at me. The only one missing was Miranda as my eyes focused on the ones looking back at me.