Jingle all the Mitchell Way: a holiday novella(14)
Jake says I’m crazy. He thinks all kids need to experience Christmas. With Amber on his side, I’d never gotten a chance to convince either otherwise.
So back to the Santa suit. Even though the idea was preposterous, I was going to have to suffer through it so my girls could add some pictures to the growing memory book my wife was building.
It was a good thing the motorized home came equipped with a washer and dryer, since I’d packed a total of three full outfits, one coat, and two pair of shoes, which happened to be stored under the bathroom sink, with the twenty-four pack of biodegradable toilet paper the girls insisted they’d need.
Amber wouldn’t be around during the day to wash the clothes, and I was certain Reese wasn’t going to offer to clean my drawers. It’s funny, to people who never knew us before, they’d swear Reese and I couldn’t have been a couple. We were opposite, and she made it known how much I normally disgusted her.
It was hard to imagine what it would be like with the six of us forced to be together in the small motorhome for an entire month. In the days leading up to our trip, my parents speculated on which one of us would bow out first, finding a nearby airport to fly home instead of sticking it out. Amber had to be in three different places to shoot the movie; all located within the Untied States boundaries. I’m not sure how they’d planned it, but she’d be shooting the final scenes of the film first in New Orleans, followed by the majority of the movie taking place outside of Dallas Texas, finally ending up in Colorado for the last week, according to the schedule. Since Amber was a supporting character, she wouldn’t have to report unless she was scheduled that day, giving us time to spend as a family, shopping and doing what was needed for the holidays.
While Amber would be on set, the three remaining adults, me, my brother and Reese would be in charge of managing the twins, and making sure life went on while Mommy was busy becoming more famous.
I worried it was all going to fall apart. It was only a matter of time before someone lost their shit being cramped together in such a small space for a long period of time.
Bear in mind, Jake and I spent most of our lives sharing everything. It wasn’t the two of us who would get annoyed first. Normally Amber and Reese got along, but these circumstances were different. Amber would be working long hours. There was a chance that some of the days would turn into nights, forcing her to stay away until the job was completed. We’d talked about it several times, both of us knowing it was part of her job. She was doing this, not only for herself to fulfill a dream, but also to give our girls a better future. Let’s face it, we weren’t hard up for money, but having more never hurt anyone, right?
After driving several hours, Jake got a call from our father claiming he’d left us a few presents. Right away we speculated on what they could be, and if it would be something we’d be able to handle, like backing up the sewage, or filling the water containment system with fruit juice. Since the motorhome had been stored closest to his house, there was no telling what he’d done, and a part of me wanted to pull over just to look around.
“I’m kind of concerned, dude.”
“Dad wouldn’t endanger the twins,” Jake replied. “He’s probably yanking your chain. He knows how much I spent on this, he won’t screw with anything structural or otherwise. We’re cool. Worst case is he stuck something in a compartment to make the place stink.”
Since we were constantly hiding fish guts in inconspicuous places to get a rise out of our father, it wouldn’t be unlike him to return the gesture to us, especially since we were forced to be under such close quarters for the next month.
“The girls will flip out.”
“They can take it up with pops. Let’s just worry about getting Amber to her first location, and then we’ll scour every nook and cranny to figure out what the old man did or didn’t do.”
“Sounds good to me.”
It wasn’t even fifteen minutes later when we heard screaming coming from the back of the RV. I pulled over on the shoulder of the road and hauled ass behind my brother to discover my wife and Reese staring into the toilet. A large fake snake was coiled within, sticking out just enough to touch them when they sat down. “Which one of you morons did this?” Amber was furious.
I shrugged, as did my brother. “It wasn’t us, baby. I swear.”
“Who then?” She requested.
“Dad. He said he left us presents.”
Her eyes widened. “Presents. Like plural? How many?”
“No clue. I’ve got to say,” I paused for a moment to take a second look. “That one was pretty good. Did you see it before or after you sat your ass down on the seat?”
She growled while pushing past me to go back and sit with the girls. “Jerks!”
Reese shook her head while following behind, never giving either of us her two-cents.
I gave a glance in my brother’s direction, watching as he fished the snake out of the toilet. He put his foot on the lever for the small wastebasket and tossed it in, finishing by washing off his hands.
“Ew, was it wet?”
“I’m not taking any chances. I wouldn’t want your wife’s pee on my hands. God only knows what type of aphrodisiac it contains.”
“Trust me, she’s never peed on me. I’m not into golden showers like you. I’m also opposed to defecating on each other. If you and Reese dabble in it from time to time I’d prefer it if you keep it to yourselves. I happened to prefer clean f*cking.”