Jingle all the Mitchell Way: a holiday novella(10)
It only took a few more seconds for the situation to become alarming. I think at the same moment we realized the worsening situation could potentially destroy property if we didn’t get control of it soon.
We both panicked, running around kicking the spots to cover them in dirt, all the while ignoring the bird. Imagine two grown men shouting and losing their shit, not knowing what the hell to do to rectify the situation we’d clearly gotten ourselves into. In the middle of chaos, I heard the sound of the screen door shutting, I turned around to watch as my wife’s heart shattered. All her hopes of having a perfect day were falling apart, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to make it better.
Amber came closer, her hands covering her mouth. “No. No. No. Not today.” She ran into the garage, coming out with a large drop cloth and tossing it over everything. For a few seconds it seemed under control, up until the flames burned through the material.
Reese came outside with her cell phone up to her ear. I already knew she was on the phone with the fire department, and as much as I’d like to think we had things under control, I could only imagine them escalating quickly.
Jake and I continued burying the new batches of fire as they formed, containing the grease fire to a smaller location. My concern was that the propane canister would explode, so we continued tossing dirt around it to prevent it from overheating. Jake used the hose to soak the ground around the shed, taking away anything highly flammable so it wouldn’t catch. “Just keep at it. It will eventually burn out.” His announcement made me cringe, because I knew my wife was listening, losing all hope for a beautiful presentation to our Thanksgiving meal. I pictured a black bird, so crispy one touch caused it to disintegrate, while our entire family watched in horror.
I wasn’t just going to be in the doghouse, there was a good chance I wouldn’t be having any more children, because she was going to tear off my balls and serve them as an alternative. The thought caused me to cringe in fear, while I watched the backyard lawn turning to ash.
The sirens were loud as they approached the property. In the time it took them to arrive a ten by ten area of the yard had been burned. My wife stood in tears and they pulled out back and assessed the situation. It took them seconds to spray the fire and put it out. Two firemen lifted the pot, taking it away from the propane tank, while another made sure the gas was finally turned off.
I heard them talking amongst themselves. “What a bunch of idiots.”
“I know. I’ve seen it all now,” the other one agreed. “Did you see the wife? She’s probably wondering why she married such a moron.”
“Don’t let them give you shit. They haven’t seen * since the Cowboys won a Super bowl, and it was probably their mom back then. Look at them. They’re so damn out of shape they can’t even see their dicks without a mirror.” My brother put his arm around and watched. I wasn’t sure if he was genuinely sorry for being a part of it, or just felt pity for what I was about to get from my wife. Either way, I accepted his support. “It’s all going to be fine, bro,” he tried to reassure me. “Don’t listen to those *s.”
We received a few dirty looks as they left the property, but I didn’t choose to egg them on like my brother. I was already in enough hot water with Amber. When everything was quiet the emergency crew left us standing in the backyard. Jake and I approached the pot, both taking a side of the turkey grate and pulling it out. It was black, charred and ruined.
My poor wife remained in the same position, succumbing to the realization that we’d once again failed at cooking the damn bird.
Jake patted me on the back. “Don’t worry. I know for a fact someone else made a turkey. It’s not a big deal.”
Even though I knew my mother had a backup plan, it was clear my wife wasn’t going to appreciate it for the sentiment. She’d see it as failing, and to Amber, it wasn’t an option.
We watched her rush into the house, Reese staying behind with us. It may not have been a big deal to them, but it was obvious my wife was devastated. She’d gone out of her way to prove she could handle the event, only to come up with a burnt turkey, and it was all my fault.
I told my brother and his woman to remain outside, while I tended to my distraught wife. I found her on the couch, face down. The twins were on the loveseat, still asleep through the sirens and mayhem. I was glad they’d missed it.
“Baby,” I whispered. “It’s going to be fine.”
“No, it’s not. We don’t have a turkey. The whole meal is based on that stupid bird. I’m never going to hear the end of this. I should’ve known when I got up this morning it was going to be a terrible day. I should have stayed in bed.”
I wiped the makeup off her cheeks. “I will fix this.”
Amber rolled her eyes. “Jax, don’t. I’m not blaming you. I won’t be a jerk. I know you tried, but it’s ruined.”
“Sit tight. I have an idea.”
“What?” she asked as I started to leave the room.
“There’s a place selling Thanksgiving dinners. I’ll go pick up a turkey or two. It’ll be fine. We’ll throw away the evidence and nobody but us will know. Jake and Reese will take it to the grave.”
Amber stood then headed in my direction. “This is a disaster.”
“It’s going to be fine. I love you. I’ll go out and steal the neighbors turkey if I have to.”