Je Suis a Toi (Monsters in the Dark #3.5)(48)

Pulling my hand from hers, I smiled weakly. “I’m okay. Just a thought, that’s all.”

“About your past and what might be obstructing your chances at getting pregnant?”

I looked at my entwined fingers in my lap. The designer jeans and silver oversized jumper with Hermes scarf labeled me as well off and content, but my fingernails were bitten from the malicious uncertainty of the past few weeks. “A little.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“What makes you think you’ve done something to affect your chances?”

I swallowed a caustic laugh. “I have a few things that could.”

Dr. Fellows narrowed her eyes. “You’re not obligated to tell me, but everything you do will help me make an accurate diagnosis. Don’t be afraid of it leaving this room. I’m bound by client confidentiality, and even if I wasn’t, I don’t believe in gossip.” She smiled. “You can trust me, Mrs. Mercer.”

Mrs. Mercer.

I was no longer Tess.

I could be honest with this woman, and she wouldn’t judge me.

Forcing courage into my voice, I looked up. “A few years ago, I was kidnapped, sold into slavery, and bought.” By the man I married and the best beast I know. “In a separate incident, I was raped and kidnapped, only to be fed drugs as a way of control and beaten daily.”

The doctor sucked in a harsh breath. “And you underwent medical help for these incidences?”

“Yes.” Q’s personal physician. I’d had good care but perhaps not the gynecological care I needed. “However, I’m not sure if all bases were covered.”

The doctor stood up, brisk efficiency surrounded her rather than judgment. “In that case, no time like the present. Let’s get you on the table and begin.” As she patted the gurney and plastic coverings waiting for me to strip and bare everything to this woman, she added, “I promise you we’ll find the answers. We’ll put your mind at rest, and I’ll help you deal with whatever we find once we get the results. Okay?”

All my life, I hadn’t latched onto people. I’d been disciplined by parents and a sibling who didn’t want me. I’d learned to rely on myself and not others. Q had made me lean on him, and I’d found a sisterhood in Suzette, but I suddenly wanted to grab this stranger in a huge hug and thank her.

Fighting the urge, I nodded. “Okay.”

Feeling stronger and more confident, I didn’t hesitate. Shrugging out of my clothes, I submitted to the consultation.

The first part of the examination went fine. Dr. Fellows drew blood. Inspected my vitals and kept all opinions from her face as she noticed the brand on my neck and the tattoos on my wrist and finger.

Thank God, I didn’t come here a few weeks ago when the bruises and cuts from Q’s drunken night still marked me. She might’ve reported me to the women’s shelter and had the police investigate.

I snuffed a small smile.

I’d already set the cops onto Q and look how that turned out. Or at least, Brax had. Q had the police in his pocket because he was a goddamn saint with what he did.

Why couldn’t he see that?

He was so much better than what he believed.

As the exam grew more invasive, I trembled, fighting residual memories that I thought I’d worked through so many years ago. Having Q between my legs was welcome. Having his teeth in my flesh and his hand print on my ass was no better joy. But having a woman spread me open for the vaginal examination brought fleeting images of Mexico, Leather Jacket, and the rape before Q killed the man and rescued me.

“Are you okay?” Dr. Fellows murmured as I shook and clutched the plastic sheet as she finished the Pap smear.

Biting my lip, I kept my eyes locked on the ceiling. “Uh-huh.”

Sealing the cotton swab and pulling off rubber gloves, she said, “You can get dressed now. All done.” Pushing back on her wheeled chair, she shot to her desk and placed my swab in an outgoing tray and typed something on her computer.

I quickly pulled up my knickers and jeans before fluffing my hair and joining her. “How long will it take to know what’s wrong with me?”

“That’s the incorrect mindset to have. There is nothing wrong with you, Mrs. Mercer.” Softening her voice, she added, “A few days for the blood-work to come in. However, in the physical examination, I didn’t see anything wrong.” Holding up a plastic cup, she grinned. “Whoops. Almost forgot. Go pee, please. I’ll do a final test before you leave.”

Eww.

Dutifully, I took the little container and left her office to head to the ladies’ room at the end of the corridor. After doing what I needed, I returned and tried to fight my embarrassment at handing over such a disgusting thing.

Slipping more gloves on, Dr. Fellows pulled out a litmus stick and a few other medical paraphernalia and performed the tests right in front of me.

I watched silently.

Growing up, I hadn’t had much experience with doctors. I rarely got sick, and if I did, my parents didn’t bother taking me to the GP. I wasn’t sure if I liked having someone looking after me or uncomfortable to be so investigated.

While waiting for whatever tests to show results, Dr. Fellows typed up a script and handed it to me. “Here are a few vitamins to boost your system to better enable your system to get pregnant. I’ll also refer you to a family planning expert do discuss fertility options if it comes to that.”