Je Suis a Toi (Monsters in the Dark #3.5)(50)

“I’m the first to know,” Suzette said. “I’m honoured.”

“Second.” I smiled. “I was the first. Now, go home. I’m going to stay and plan something in order to tell Q. I’ll be safe.”

“Can I tell Mrs. Sucre?” Suzette hugged herself. “She’ll burst into tears, I guarantee it. Our master is finally getting a family.”

I shook my head. “He’s always had a family…you guys.”

Suzette blushed.

Clapping my hands, my head raced with ideas for tonight. “Anyway, hold the secret…for now. I want to tell.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t dare.” Suzette pecked my cheek. “Let me know if you need any help with tonight.”

“I won’t. I’ll call Q and tell him I’m alone in Paris. He’ll come running.”

Unfortunately, today was Monday, and that meant a big day at work, even though Q was supposed to hand most of the operation to Frederick. He was tied to his business, and I doubted he’d ever be totally free.

A small wash of nausea rolled through me, reminding me I was lucky to avoid morning sickness up till now. When would that start? Would I have a hard pregnancy or easy?

So many questions and so much to learn.

But Q would be there with me every step.





“WHERE THE FUCK are you?”

Her voice echoed down the line. “Don’t have a heart attack, Q.”

I’d worry about my heart while she worried about her backside because once I caught her, she’d be punished. Hard.

You’re not allowed to touch her like that.

An oath was an oath, no matter how f*cking difficult it was to keep. “I asked you a question, Tess. Where abouts in goddamn Paris are you?”

“I’m safe if that’s what you’re asking. I had an errand to run.”

Tess never went to Paris without telling me first. She was safe now after I’d slaughtered the bastards from her past, but I never relaxed. Shadows and devils lurked everywhere, and Tess was such an enticement. I hated the fact she’d gone on the train without me. I loathed that she’d enlisted Suzette’s care rather than my own.

We’d had a few problems the last few weeks.

But I was still her f*cking husband.

My body vibrated with rage as I clutched the phone. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“I had my reasons.” Traffic noise honked in the distance. “I’ll tell you but only face to face. I’m calling to see if you want to meet here. Have the night with me in the city?”

I rubbed a hand over my eyes. My desk was littered with business mergers and recent acquisitions along with expanding more heavily into the orphanage and homeless children charity. I had so much on my plate; my mind had been foggy for weeks. Ever since I started treating Tess with kid gloves, I hadn’t been able to concentrate.

For the first time since welcoming her into my bed, I wanted to orgasm while away from her. I was tempted to lock myself in the bathroom and squeeze my cock while fantasizing about what I used to do to her. It killed me to touch her so gently. And getting hard while stroking her rather than biting her was a non-winnable mission.

I loved her. I found her beyond attractive. But not being able to give in to the madness inside screwed me up.

“You want a night in Paris?” My voice dropped to a growl. Images of kinky pain, pressed against the hotel window, and furious sex in a foreign bed filled my mind.

Christ, I want to.

“I can’t.” If I did, I’d f*ck her rather than make love to her. I’d hurt her. I’d ruin everything that we’d tried to make. I’d given myself two months since the night in the pool. If she wasn’t knocked up by then, I would submit to doctor’s tests and opinions. I had three more weeks before that happened. I wouldn’t jeopardize it by giving in to what I wanted more than anything. “I have too much work to do.”

The lie percolated in my chest when what I really wanted to say was you’re not safe with me. Not right now.

Tess dropped her voice. “Too bad, ma?tre. I’ve already reserved the pent-house at the Ritz. I’ll be there all night. It’s your call if you want to join me. Either way, I’m not coming home.”

Ferocity filtered into my muscles, shooting me upward from my desk chair. “Esclave, don’t you dare threaten—”

The phone call cut off, hanging dead in my hand.

Fuck!

Everything inside wanted to teach her a goddamn lesson. Remind her that she couldn’t get away with such rebellion. But in order to punish her, I had to hurt her, and I wouldn’t do that. Not anymore.

Resentment billowed. I wanted to be furious at Tess, but mainly, I directed it at myself. Every day of my existence, I prided myself on having ultimate control over my darkness and f*cked-up desires. However, Tess had shredded my restraint, given me freedom to be who I truly was, and then made me fall in love knowing she loved me back.

She’d given me so much.

And I was the one who’d changed the rules between us. I was the one who’d hurt her by pulling away. And I didn’t know how to fix it.

I wanted her to carry our future. I wanted to keep her safe like I’d always done. Was that so bad? Didn’t the gift of what we could have outweigh the intolerable payment in our present?