Instead of You(60)

“Kenzie, try to relax, baby.”

“I’m trying,” I lied.

He pushed in a little further and I took in a deep breath. There wasn’t enough oxygen in the room to fill my lungs.

“Are you all right?” he asked, concern written across his face.

“I’m not trying to be rude, but I just want this part over with.” Not only did I want the painful part behind me, I wanted to finally have that connection with him, that bond I’d never forged with anyone else. “I’ll be okay,” I whispered.

His eyes stayed on mine for a moment longer, but then he pushed in slowly. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him down, burying my face in his neck, not wanting him to look at me.

“Breathe, baby,” he whispered, and when I took in a deep breath, he pushed the rest of the way in.

There was a stinging sensation at first, and Hayes didn’t move even a little, letting me adjust to everything. After a few moments, the most painful part eased, leaving me with only a feeling of being uncomfortably stretched. Finally, after a few deep breaths, I found my voice.

“Hayes?”

He lifted his head and his eyes found mine. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I said, unable to keep a small laugh from escaping. Here we were, in a monumental moment, and he was making jokes. But I knew it was for my benefit and so the laughter bubbled out of me.

“Are you all right?” he asked, brushing a strand of hair off my face.

“I’ll be fine, but I think I need you to move.”

“Your wish,” he said before kissing me just under my jaw. “Is my command.” He followed the words by pressing his face into my neck and then slowly pulling out of me. I gasped, unfamiliar with the sensation, but then he pushed back in, and a different sound broke free from me. A guttural moan, one I hadn’t anticipated. It was still slightly uncomfortable—I was very aware it was my first time—but there was pleasure too.

Everything started soft and gentle. He spoiled me with kisses, his hands running tenderly over my body, but slowly the intensity picked up. He was holding back, trying to be gentle, and I both loved and hated it. I wanted, more than anything, for him to enjoy being with me. Before I could voice my concerns, or try to figure out a way to make him come apart just as I had, his voice pulled me out of my head.

“It’s everything, Kenz. Everything I’ve ever dreamed it would be. You feel so f*cking perfect.” His words were punctuated by his thrusts and his lips kissing various parts of me between them. My hands went to his waist and then smoothed around his back, pulling him closer. My knees opened wider, pulled up higher, and he went deeper. The pain was subsiding, although not gone altogether, but the other sensations were taking over.

The most private part of me, a part that had been unnoticeably empty all along, was now so full of him that I wondered how I’d ever feel whole again. It occurred to me I wouldn’t, that I’d forever be empty without him, in more ways than just physically. I’d given him a part of myself that I never wanted back.

We continued the dance and I followed his lead. He made adjustments to my body—moving a leg there or lifting my ass—all the while seeming as though he could never get enough of me. I did what I could, trying to find the things that made him breathless—raising my hips up to meet him, scratching my nails down his ribcage, reveling in watching him fall apart piece by piece.

When he came, it was with one of my legs thrown over his shoulder and his mouth pressed to mine. I’d seen him come before, but this time it wasn’t in a dark tent and neither of us were trying to keep our voices down. The sounds he made, the words he used, were enough to make me want to try it all over again. There was a certain level of satisfaction and pride, hearing him grunt out swear words and praise, knowing it was my body he was worshipping. Me.

He caught his breath and then he kissed me, deep and long. As if we hadn’t just made love. As if he missed me already.





Chapter Twenty


Hayes


It took me a moment to remember where I was when I finally woke up. The bed felt familiar, and I knew before I even opened my eyes it was McKenzie’s body I was wrapped around. Then the whole night came back to me. Snapshots filtered through my mind, every one making me smile into her hair. Her laughing. Her dancing with Alice and Kristen. My hand resting on her thigh as we drove to my apartment. Her eyes looking up at me from my bed. Her hair falling around us while she lay on top of me.

It was all so much more than I ever could have hoped for. More than I deserved, I was sure.

I took a deep breath, loving the way her hair smelled mixed with the scent of me on her. I wanted her to smell like me all the time. She stirred, her body moving against mine, and I watched the moment she realized what I had: that we were together. She smiled and then rolled over to face me.

“Hey,” she whispered, smiling that brilliant f*cking smile I loved, the sunlight painting her shoulders.

“Hey,” I replied before leaning forward and kissing her. “How do you feel?”

She shrugged, blushed, and then said, “Wonderful.”

My heart leapt at her word, but I wanted a real answer. “How do you really feel?” I asked, running my nose along the bridge of hers.

“I haven’t moved much, so I’m not sure. For now, I’m okay. Thank you.” She pulled away slightly and I watched as her eyes drifted down to my chest. “Last night was so perfect, Hayes. No matter what happens, or where we go from here, I just want you to know that. It was everything I hoped it would be.”