Instead of You(59)

He ran the back of his hand down my cheek, a small smile playing on his face.

“Everything will change, but it will only be good. It’s hard to explain, but once you’ve shared your body with someone, it makes everything better.”

I tried not to let the jealousy take over knowing he’d shared his body with someone else. I was both angry and happy he’d been with someone before me. At least one of us knew what we were doing.

“I can’t tell you if it will hurt or not. But I can tell you if it does, it won’t last too long or be too uncomfortable. But,” he continued, bringing his hand to cup the back of my neck and lowering his face to mine, our mouths just inches apart. “There’s no wrong way to do it, and there’s not a chance in hell I won’t like it.” He kissed me then, softly, one hand still gripping the back of my neck. It was a slow, lingering kiss, and when he pulled away I wasn’t ready for it. “This will be a first for me too,” he said, resting his forehead against mine. He must have felt my eyebrows bunch together in confusion. “I’ve never been with someone I was in love with.”

His words melted me, absolutely dissolved the worries and fears that had been building up inside me. When he kissed me next, I wasn’t the bumbling virgin. I was the McKenzie who’d been in love with Hayes from afar for years, who was finally going to be able to give herself over to him in every way. He kissed me and I pushed his pants down his legs, needing us both to be completely bare. I got them as far as I could and then he finished the job, his mouth never leaving mine.

When it was finally just us, no barriers between our bodies, I pulled away. I let my eyes drift down between us, taking in the sight of him, worried about the logistics and how in the whole wide world that was supposed to fit inside of me.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, using his fingers to pull my face back up to him. “I promise it’ll be all right.” He pressed one more kiss to my lips just as gentle fingers grazed my nipple. I gasped, the feather-soft touch causing every nerve ending to come to attention. His hand smoothed over the skin of my stomach and continued until it was between my legs.

He trailed one finger down, parting me, pressing gently in just as his mouth covered the same nipple he’d just teased. With his tongue swirling around me and his finger circling, my eyes fluttered closed and tried to let myself just feel. The way his tongue mirrored his finger, the way his small sounds vibrated against my breast, the way his hand gripped the hair at my nape.

Suddenly his teeth nipped me as he pressed two fingers deep. My back arched, fingers reaching out, trying to find something to hold on to, while a moan ripped out of me. One hand found the sheet at my side and the other threaded through his hair.

His fingers pumped in and out while his palm ground against my clit. His speed built and the tension between my legs was overwhelming. Hot and slick, I was unable to keep still and found my hips moving to his rhythm. He let my breast fall from his mouth and dragged his lips up my chest and throat, breathing heavily against my damp skin.

“Oh, God,” I moaned as his mouth landed on my neck, sucking and licking in time with the movements of his hand. “Hayes,” I breathed. Each movement between my legs was like an archer pulling the string back on his bow. The tension built. Inch by inch, stroke by stroke, until it was just his fingers that were holding me back from flying.

I came. I soared. I flew.

All while Hayes’s forehead pressed to mine and his arm pulled me closer to him. I shuddered, I quaked, but I was never unaware of him or his skin touching mine. He was so close, and I couldn’t wait to be closer.

As I floated back down, tremors still making my hands and legs shake slightly, his mouth hit mine. It was a deep kiss, but quick, and then he was gone. I watched as he leaned over to his nightstand and pulled a condom out of the top drawer. My heart, still trying to recover from my orgasm, tripped and then sped forward as my mind processed that this was all really going to happen.

I watched with curiosity and fascination as he knelt between my spread legs, opened the foil wrapper, and rolled the condom down his shaft. It was strange, but watching him handle himself with his strong hands was more erotic than I would have ever imagined. I was still staring at his cock when his mouth met mine again. I blushed, a little embarrassed at my level of fascination but then I remembered what we were doing, why he’d put a condom on to begin with, and a wave of anxiety rolled through me.

His mouth was on mine, one of his hands on the mattress next to my head, his other palming my breast, all the while I could feel him hard, hot, and thick resting against me. I broke the kiss, pulling my face away, simply trying to breathe.

“Tell me you still want this,” he whispered, his mouth right next to my ear.

It took a moment, but eventually I nodded, the nerves starting to take over.

“Kenz,” he said as his hand cupped my cheek, his face appearing before mine. “You need to say the words, baby. I need to hear you tell me you want this.”

His sincerity and gentleness crashed over me and I suddenly remembered why I loved him so much, and why being with him was exactly what I wanted.

“I want this,” I said on a breath. “I want you.”

He smiled, not the big happy smile, but the soft one that was all too sexy. Then he kissed me. While our lips touched, I felt him position right at my entrance. My heart pounded and I pulled my lips from his, unable to concentrate on kissing him at that particularly life-altering moment. He pushed in a little and I instinctively braced myself for the pain I knew was coming, making every muscle tense.