I Hate Everyone, Except You(28)

Fiona exits.

MINNIE That chick hates me.

JUAN CARLOS Like a Puerto Rican hates birth control. (pause) I’m Puerto Rican. I can say those things. What’s up?

MINNIE Not much. I was just thinking about my next vacation.

JUAN CARLOS Interesting thing to do on your first day of work.

MINNIE Never too early to start planning for a good time, I always say. Where do you think I should go?

JUAN CARLOS What kind of vacation do you want?

MINNIE A sexy beach vacation.

JUAN CARLOS You could go to Thailand.

MINNIE Too far.

JUAN CARLOS There’s always Mexico.

MINNIE Yes, Mexico! Do you have a favorite part?

JUAN CARLOS I always have a good time in Cabo.

MINNIE I knew it! Cabo!

JUAN CARLOS I just realized I left my favorite hair dryer in the car. I’ll catch you later.

INT. CHANGING ROOM SET - LATER THAT DAY CUT TO: Sharnay and Chetley are sitting on the floor. Only Angie’s legs and feet are visible. She is trying, with little success, to walk in a pair of five-inch platform stilettos.

CHETLEY C’mon, Angie, you can do this!

ANGIE I can’t.

CHETLEY These heels are nothing! I styled someone in these exact shoes just last week. It was Ruth Ginsberg. She was doing a charity walkathon.

SHARNAY Try, Angie. Shoulders back, boobs out. (to Chetley quietly) This is more painful than watching a brain-damaged giraffe take its first steps.

Minnie enters. Sits on floor.

MINNIE (to Sharnay) He told me he always has fun in Cabo. You totally had sex with him! (to Chetley) And so did you! You know that saying: When you have sex with someone it’s like you’re having sex with everyone they’ve ever had sex with? Well, if that’s true, you two have totally done it with each other.

CHETLEY Please don’t tell me that. For the record, I just fooled around with him. A little bit of “eh.” And a little bit of “eh.” Not the full “eh-eh.”

SHARNAY I did the full “eh-eh.”

MINNIE Man, I hate that he’s being so coy!

SHARNAY Me too!

CHETLEY Me three!

Angie falls flat on her face in front of them.

INT. HAIR AND MAKEUP SET – CONTINUOUS

Fiona rifles through Minnie’s makeup station again.

CHETLEY (V.O.) Meanwhile, someone had a case of the sticky fingers.

FIONA Hell if I’ll let that little brat tell me what I can and can’t touch. (applies brow gel to both of her eyebrows) INT. HAIR AND MAKEUP SET – LATER THAT DAY Juan Carlos is finishing up a haircut. CUT TO: CHETLEY (V.O.) And later, Juan Carlos proved to be an excellent hairstylist—and television host.

JUAN CARLOS Angie, I am all done with you. I think your hair looks gorgeous, but I can’t let you see yourself yet. It’s a surprise! Next up, makeup.

FLOOR MANAGER Cut! Nice work, Juan Carlos.

JUAN CARLOS Thank you.

FLOOR MANAGER Angie, please take a seat in the makeup chair. Minnie, we’d love to start immediately with you if you’re ready.

MINNIE Ready, Freddie.

FLOOR MANAGER That’s what I like. Coming to you in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

MINNIE Hi, Angie, my name is Minnie and I’ll be doing your makeup today. I’d really love to bring out those beautiful green eyes of yours . . .

INT. BACKSTAGE – CONTINUOUS FADE TO: Fiona is watching the action on set. She scratches her brow and notices a single eyebrow hair on her fingers. She blows it off. She touches her brow again and this time two hairs come off in her hand. She runs to a mirror nearby and rubs a section of her right eyebrow and it completely falls off. She muffles her own scream and is hushed by the Floor Manager.

CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE – NEARBY – CONTINUOUS Sharnay and Chetley stand side by side. They are also watching Minnie on set. They notice Fiona’s commotion and ignore it.

SHARNAY (about Minnie) She’s good.

CHETLEY Very natural.

Juan Carlos sneaks up behind them and whispers in their ears.

JUAN CARLOS Hey, sexy.

CHETLEY (suspicious) Which one of us are you talking to?

JUAN CARLOS Both of you.

SHARNAY Can we help you?

JUAN CARLOS I know what you two are up to.

SHARNAY Is that so?

JUAN CARLOS You’re trying to figure out which of you has made sweet love to me.

CHETLEY We’ve already figured it out. And we’re already over it. It’s both of us.

JUAN CARLOS Incorrect. It’s only one of you.

SHARNAY (shocked) Which one?

JUAN CARLOS I’ll tell you later.

He exits. Sharnay and Chetley stare at each other in disbelief. CUT TO: INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – MOMENTS LATER Chetley, Sharnay, Minnie, and Juan Carlos stand in a row on the main set of “You Look Fabulous.” They are preparing for the last shot of the day, the final reveal.

FLOOR MANAGER Thank you for your patience, guys. We’ll be ready to roll in less than two minutes.

FIONA (O.C.) Minnie! Come here!

MINNIE What?

She runs off set. The others don’t know what’s wrong.

CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE – CONTINUOUS

FIONA (holding her hand over her forehead) What did you put in that brow gel?

MINNIE Nothing. Why?

FIONA You know why.

MINNIE I asked you not to touch it.

FIONA What was in it?