Frigid Affair(26)

He chuckled, like I was too airheaded to understand. It annoyed me. “Not if they forced my hand.”

I rolled my eyes. “Give me a break. That’s what you want to say?” I stood. I’d heard enough. He was blowing smoke and I wasn’t having it. “This was clearly a big mistake.”

“Amantha, please. Just wait a minute. I’ve had years to think about what I wanted to say to you, but every time I get the chance I can’t find the words.”



“Spit it out, or I’m leaving.”

“I’m trying to. Damn. Stop being stubborn and give me a second. Has anyone ever told you how difficult you are to talk to?”

I shrugged. “My parents, but we both know it’s been a while since I’ve been reminded.”

Christopher stood up and carried his truck over toward Jensen. He held it up for him take. I gasped. I didn’t want them touching, and I hadn’t expected how speechless it would render me.

“Thanks, little guy. You sure are cute.”

I grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him away from his sperm donor. “You were saying?”

“I’d never hurt him either.” I could tell I left him feeling worthless, but he needed to know I wouldn’t change my mind.

“Look, after Alice died my whole life turned to shit. All those people died because of her choices.”

“I know what happened. Explain why you came looking for me. I didn’t know her.”

“One night after the crash, after her funeral, I was sitting at a bar trying to drink away the pain. I loved that woman more than life itself. Everything I did was so I could give her the life she deserved. I busted my ass to be someone her family could be proud of. She set out to hurt me, and in killing herself she did exactly that. She destroyed me.” He paused for a minute and rubbed his face like he was gathering himself. “Anyway, I was sitting at the bar hoping no one would recognize me and offer condolences when I looked up at the television and saw you doing that big interview. I asked the bartender to change the channel, but he refused. I was prepared to leave, because let’s face it, I felt responsible for your loss. Something wouldn’t let me stand up. I couldn’t look away. Your story was unlike the others. You didn’t just lose someone you loved. You lost everyone. I sat on that barstool listening to you pour your heart out to the world. The people around me were also glued to the screen, some even mumbling how awful it was for you. Maybe it was the liquor, but in that moment I knew I had to find you. I wanted you to know why they died that day. I wanted you to know how sorry I was for ruining your life.”

I swallowed the now forming lump in my throat, trying to put myself in his shoes. Taking me back to that hard time in my life was irreconcilable. I’d promised to let it go, yet here I was being forced to relive the pain. “How did you go from wanting to apologize to being part of an arson and theft?”

“By the time I got the courage to seek you out you’d freaking moved to Alaska. Alaska,” he repeated. “Who does that?”

“Someone who needs to forget who they were.”

“Exactly,” he unexpectedly answered. “I applaud your efforts. After finally figuring out where you’d gone, and having nothing holding me back I made the decision to try to give you closure. Maybe it wasn’t my job to do. I wouldn’t blame you for hating me, for blaming me completely, but I had to do this to be able to live with myself. You weren’t the only person struggling to move forward. I know our circumstances were different, but we both lost so much.”

“What happened next?” I kept on, like I didn’t care about his feelings. I couldn’t allow myself to.

“Well, I had your address, but no idea where you lived. It’s not like it is back home. I arrived in town and found out you lived way off the beaten path. I started asking around, finding out how I could get to you, but no one could offer a way since the weather was shitty. Someone had even given me your neighbor’s number to see if they’d rent their place to me, since they didn’t use it in the winter months. I figured I could return before the weather got bad and give it another go. You can ask Eve. When I called I inquired about renting the house that following fall, not when the house burned down. I was about to give up. I’d only booked a hotel for two nights and my time was running out. That last night at the lobby bar I ran into a group of guys talking about plans to get up the mountain. I invited myself to go with them, not knowing what I was volunteering to be a part of.”

“So you did rob them?” I assumed.

“No. I didn’t. In fact, I had no idea what they were up to. They packed like they were hunting, and since I’ve never been in Alaska, I had no idea it wasn’t the season for anything. It wasn’t until that night when I realized they weren’t who they said they were.” Jensen looked over at Christopher. “I was sleeping when they went out and robbed your neighbors and then set the fire to the house in hopes of covering it up.”

“Oh, that’s just too easy. Give me a break. Do you actually think I’d believe you?” I crossed my arms and raised a brow. He must have taken me for a fool.

“It’s true. I heard the lodge door opening a few times, but figured they were loading up for the hunt. When they’d asked me what I wanted to get up the mountain for, I told them it was for a girl. They thought you and I were involved. I’d planned on coming to see you once the storm was over.”