Forever for a Year(29)

*

Carolina led a cop upstairs to show him Peggy and came back a minute later with her bag. We didn’t say anything, but we did both look at Katherine Darry at the same time. She was crying to the other cop, and saliva and snot were running down her chin.

Then we turned and left through the front door. Together.

We started walking down the sidewalk. I was leading, I suppose, but I didn’t know where she lived, so maybe I should ask that. But I didn’t want to say anything. Which was so stupid. But I didn’t. Then I noticed her wobbling on her heels and I said, “Do you have other shoes in your bag?”

She looked at her bag, thinking. “Yes,” she said, “but they would look dumb with this dress.”

“No, they wouldn’t.”

Then we didn’t say anything or move for a long time. At least ten seconds.

She said, “I left my bike.…”

“Would you rather ride home?” I asked.

“No!” Then she took a deep breath. “I’ll come back tomorrow and check on Peggy, and I can get it then.” We stood there again. Another super-epic ten seconds. I grabbed her bag, unzipped it, took out her sneakers, and I don’t why the hell I did this, but I got on one knee. Helped take off her heels and put on her sneakers one at a time.

What the hell, Trevor?

I was clearly not normal in my brain. But whatever. I liked helping her. When I stood back up, she had this smile on her face. She was trying to not smile, which only made the smile that much more pure. Goddamn, she was pretty. But I had to stop thinking that or else I’d say something dumb.





19

Carolina …

So. Like. Wait a minute.

Wait.

A.

Minute.

I didn’t know what was happening. Really. He was on his knee, helping me change my shoes, LIKE I WAS CINDERELLA, but, you know, instead of a glass slipper, it was my sneakers. This was a movie. But it was my life! But it was a movie, but so perfect I almost didn’t believe it, even if it was a movie, so how was I supposed to believe it was happening for real?

Gosh.

But, you know, it was happening. It really was. And then, after he changed my shoes, and I finally managed to say, “Thanks,” without exploding from happiness, we started walking again. We were going the wrong way to my house but no way—no way!—was I going to tell him that.

Neither of us could talk. Why didn’t I talk? He will think I’m so boring if I don’t talk! Talk, Carolina, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk … But my mouth didn’t say anything, and I hated it because he was going to hate me for not saying anything.





20

Trevor …

Carolina looked so goddamn perfect in her dress and sneakers, and walking with such grace, and here I was, not able to think of anything to say to her. Why couldn’t I think of anything? Just say something, Trevor. Say anything. Don’t just walk next to her, acting like an uncool tool. But …

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing came to my head.

This is why you shouldn’t have stayed. She’s going to realize what a loser you are. If you had left, maybe gotten hit by a car and died on the way home, she would have thought forever how you were so great for helping her with Peggy. But now? Now she was going to see how lame you are.

Say something, Trevor!

But.

Crap.

Crap …





21

Carolina …

Even though we were walking side by side, I kept turning my head so I could look at his face. He was just so attractive, and he was walking with me. ME! And even though he might never talk to me again after I was being so boring, I would remember this as the most amazing night of my life. Except then, when I still couldn’t think of anything to say, I suddenly couldn’t stop thinking Trevor was just being nice to me so he could impress Peggy. It made nooo sense, but my brain couldn’t stop thinking it anyway, so I finally said, “Do you like Peggy?”

I should never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever have said that. I ruined everything! But then Trevor said, “No. Katherine said I should. I thought she told me to like Peggy because you told her to tell me that.”

“No!” I burst out, though I didn’t mean to be so loud. I wanted him to know I liked him, or at least that I didn’t want him to like Peggy, but I didn’t want him to know I wanted him to know so much. So I calmed myself down, super calm, and said, “I didn’t tell her to say that at all. Katherine is…”

“Not cool,” he said. I had never heard anyone call Katherine not cool. Crazy. Mean. Bitchy. But never not cool.

“She’s the most popular girl in school,” I said. Why did I say this?

“Being popular has nothing to do with being cool,” Trevor said, and he sounded sooo cool saying it.

“Thank you for walking me home,” I said, because I didn’t want to tell him I liked him unless he said it first, but he would never say it because he was silent again because he was so cool and so in control and—





22

Trevor …

I like you, Carolina. Except I didn’t say it. Only the biggest dork on earth would say something so obvious. But maybe I should say it because it would be real, not fake, not like all those dumb TV shows and movies where people pretend not to like each other forever, and a bunch of dumb things happen just because neither the girl nor the boy was smart enough to just say what they feel.