Forever for a Year(32)

After we had driven across town, my dad stopped in front of our house. I had almost forgotten he didn’t live with us. So I said, “Mom and I are going to have sushi tomorrow night. Do you want to have it with us?”

“If you think your mom would like me there, yes.”

“Of course she wants you there. You were really nice to me this week. So I want you there too.”

“I love ya, kid,” he said. And I almost told him I loved him too, but instead I hugged him and went inside.

*

When I woke up in the morning, there was a giant thing in my stomach that sort of felt like it could be pain but then I thought it was excitement, and then, I don’t know, it was maybe both. I didn’t look at my phone for as long as I could stand because I wanted to give Trevor as long as possible to text me, so, like, twelve minutes later, I finally looked at my phone. There was no text. This was sooo horrible I wanted to cry, but instead I breathed deeply, told myself it was okay and that everything was fine. I’m really getting better. I am.

I called Peggy, but her phone went straight to voice mail. I remembered she had been sick, and the police, and felt selfish for wanting to talk to her about Trevor. So I called Kendra and I told her what happened and then she asked, “So is he your boyfriend now?”

Oh. My. Gosh. Maybe? Oh. Maybe. “I don’t know,” I said.

“You should ask him.”

“You can’t ask someone that, Kendra!”

“Then how are you supposed to ever know if someone is your boyfriend?”

This was a stupid thing to say!

Then I thought about it.

Maybe it was an amazing thing to say. Kendra was so smart. I’m smart. So is Peggy. But Kendra was smart in a way I had never seen before. “You’re right,” I said. “I’ll ask him. But, like, in two weeks. He might not even like me anymore today.”

“I think he likes you a lot,” she said.

“Me too,” I said, then giggled without making a noise. After I hung up with Kendra, I saw there was a text message. It hadn’t beeped. I held my breath and opened up the text and— It was from him!

I sound like I’m ten. Gosh. I’m not ten. So I went mentally back in time and when I saw the text, I tried thinking: “That’s nice that Trevor texted.” But that sounded like a robot, so I stopped pretending I wasn’t me and just read the text.

It said:





TREVOR


Hope you have a great Saturday, Carolina Which was so kind. And sophisticated. But also like HE WAS A ROBOT and I wasn’t going to respond right that second because I didn’t want him to know how much I wanted to respond, but then I typed:





ME


You too :)

And pressed send before I could do anything else. Then … he didn’t respond. And I was going to explode. I hated myself because I never listen to what my smarter, older self says, and I knew I would ruin everything I ever wanted, but then— He texted back. It was a minute later. That sounds like a short time, but it was forever. Trust me.





TREVOR


Thanks ;)

The ;) made me think he was flirting with me—WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?—so I didn’t even pause and texted back:





ME


This is weird but suddenly I’m so much more excited about school on Monday

This was super insane for me to text, because it basically said, “I love you, Trevor,” but, you know, I don’t care. Or maybe I couldn’t stop myself even if I did care. So I don’t care because I can’t stop.

And then? He texted back (and reminded me it was Labor Day so we wouldn’t have school until Tuesday, but it was cute how he told me) and it was amazing and I texted him and then he texted me, and guess what? We texted, like, the whole day, and by the time dinner came around, we had texted back and forth three hundred and nineteen times. I counted. How did people get to know each other before texting? It must have been so hard.

*

Sushi with my parents that night was really nice. My dad was being amazing. And my mom was so happy, and she was so happy for me for being happy, and I was happy for her being happy because I was so happy. I mean, maybe Trevor and I getting together would save my parents’ marriage. It could. We were that amazing together.

Then I said, “Dad knows Trevor’s mom from high school,” except my mom didn’t like hearing it.

“We were just friends,” my dad said. He was lying. I can always tell when Dad lies because he leans over and opens his eyes very wide and tries really hard to prove he’s telling the truth by not blinking as he stares right at you. My mom can’t tell when he lies, which is good, because I want my mom and dad to get back together. I want to have a normal family so Trevor doesn’t get scared away by all our problems. My dad learned his lesson. Right? Anyway, now that I know what love is, I can explain to my dad how to not hurt my mom again.

And I don’t care if my dad and Trevor’s mom were, like, boyfriend and girlfriend fifty years ago. If they were serious at all, they would have gotten married. But I do think it was just another sign that Trevor and I were meant for each other.

WHICH IS CRAZY.

But amazing.

*

So Trevor and I texted all day Sunday. I was hoping he’d say something like, Want to go study at Starbucks together? or call me even, but texting was still great.