Forever for a Year(34)

I sat next to her. She smiled. I smiled. I could have sat next to her, like this, not saying anything, just us looking at each other, all day. All week. All year. Man, I’m insane.

“Hi,” she said after a bit.

“Hi,” I said back. I should have said “hey,” it would have been cooler, but screw it, I said what I said and she didn’t mind. Carolina made everything better. Even school.

*

At lunch, I sat with my cousin Henry and the rest of the freshman football players. Carolina sat with Peggy, Kendra, and the rest of her usual freshman girlfriends. The tables were on opposite sides of the freshman section of the cafeteria. I would have asked her to sit with me, or us, but how do you ask that? Do you just say, Let’s sit together at lunch? Shouldn’t you be able to communicate some of this stuff without words?

I wasn’t paying attention to anything Henry or the others were talking about until Jake elbowed me in chest. I looked at him, but he pointed at my cousin.

“Is it true?” Henry asked.

“What true?” I said back.

“You and Carrie Fisher. You’re going out? Licker saw you two in history. Said you whispered something to her.” My cousin said it as if I had broken some law. As if he were a powerful judge about to condemn me. I didn’t like Licker any better than the rest of them anymore. And I was liking the rest of them even less by the second. Yeah, so I whispered to Carolina. Whispered, “History is my favorite subject.” Felt stupid, but I couldn’t think of anything else, and I wanted to lean close to her. Cheesy. I know. But I did it anyway. And that whisper, I guess, was all Licker needed to see to know. All that was needed to make whatever Carolina and I were public. I could deny it. Yeah. But … screw it.

“Yeah,” I said.

“I thought I told you that you couldn’t go out with her.”

Licker said, “I think she’s much cuter this year.” Okay, I liked Licker better again.

“That’s not the point, Licker!” Henry yelled. “The point is we are supposed to be like brothers, and how can we trust each other if we don’t listen to each other?”

My cousin was talking like a moron. I knew this. Did anyone else? It’s hard talking to a moron, especially when he’s the lead kid of the popular freshman boys. Because whether you talk moron back or you don’t talk moron back, you’re probably going to piss him off, and if you piss him off, you’re probably not going to be part of the group anymore.

“Trev? Dude. Don’t just sit there and say nothing. Tell me what’s up. Tell me you’re not going to go out with her so that I can trust you. So we can all trust you.”





27

Carolina doesn’t sit with Trevor at lunch

Katherine didn’t say anything about the party when she picked me up on Tuesday morning. I wasn’t going to say anything. Obviously. But Peggy didn’t say anything at all. Then I noticed Katherine wasn’t saying anything at all. And so, the three of us just drove to school in silence. Sooo uncomfortable.

Peggy clung near me on the way to biology, which was fine, but you know, she hadn’t sat next to me half the time last week, and now I knew she was going to sit next to me in class and I wanted to be a good friend, but I also wanted to sit next to Trevor because … because, I just did. Even if he wasn’t my boyfriend, we did say we liked each other, and you sit next to people you like, right?

But Peggy was my best friend forever and so I decided I would sit between them. Which was not as complicated as I was thinking it would be, but then I put my folder on the desk to my right after we sat down and Peggy said, “Who are you saving that seat for?”

“Trevor,” I said as I got out my phone.

“Who are you texting?”

“Trevor,” I said. And even though all I did was say his name twice, Peggy knew I liked him again and he probably liked me and not her. She also knew I hadn’t told her about it, which best friends are supposed to do.

She said, “I think he found out I was into upperclassmen like Carl.” Carl was the junior who was molesting her at the party right before she puked. I’m surprised she even remembered his name. I’m sure Carl wishes he could forget her name. I’m being mean. Gosh. I shouldn’t be mean about Peggy. I love her, but I kind of hated her right then.

“Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe,” I said, and I said “maybe” because it was the nice thing to say, even though I knew Trevor never liked her and Peggy was being such a liar.

“You’re being really strange, Carrie,” Peggy said, which was her way of saying—right then—she hated me too. And this made me sad but then Trevor walked into biology and he looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and, gosh, I didn’t care if Peggy hated me forever as long as Trevor looked at me like that. That sounds horrible. Horrible! But it was sooo true I wanted to scream it right at her face. But I didn’t. Obviously.

*

Trevor didn’t ask me to sit with him at lunch. Maybe I should have asked him. But Kendra said, “Let him make some of the first moves or he won’t feel good about himself,” and I wasn’t sure why me asking him to sit with me at lunch would make Trevor not like himself, but Kendra sounded really confident, so I listened.

But at lunch, I wished I hadn’t because I couldn’t focus on anything Peggy was saying or Kendra or the other soccer girls. It was about school and sports and stupid stuff and all I wanted to do was be next to Trevor. We wouldn’t have to say anything, just be there, and, I don’t know, smile and let everyone know that we were together and …