Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(114)

I nodded with every fiber of my being. Wanting to believe him, needing to believe him.

“I’ll see you soon.” He kissed me one last time and walked out the door.

I spent the rest of that afternoon happy. At peace even. Which should have been the best feeling in the world, but it wasn’t. Not even close. After it got dark out and the night took over, I couldn’t calm the anxiety that I felt so deep in my f*cking bones. Etching and burrowing in, making itself at home. There wasn’t a damn thing I could do to get it to go away.

I paced the hallway nervously twirling my hair around my fingers. My heart was pounding, echoing off the narrow walls. My head was reeling with what ifs. What if he's lying? What if he's using?

What if...

What if...

What if...

Over and over again, playing out in my mind.

Something else I learned from the meetings. Addicts lied. They lied so much they couldn’t tell the difference between the two anymore.

Austin was different, right?

I walked past the room that was going to be our baby’s, probably a hundred times in a few hours. Debating on going in there, the intuition to walk into the bedroom along with the voice in the back of my head hammering at me to go in there wouldn’t stop.

As much as I wanted it to.

As much as I tried.

I opened the door and turned on the lamp that was sitting on the nightstand. Taking in everything immediately as if it were about to disappear any second. Everything appeared the way it should be. Nothing seemed out of place even though Austin spent a lot of time in there.

I walked around the room. My fingers lightly touched along the walls.

“I think we should do a soft yellow color on the walls in this room.”

“A soft pink. It’s a girl, Briggs, I know it.”

My feet softly skimmed the wooden floors.

“We need to have Lucas install carpet in here.”

“Austin, the floor doesn’t need to get replaced.”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “I protect what’s mine.”

I looked around the closet, still picturing the baby clothes that Austin surprised me with that I had to hang up the same afternoon he gave them to me.

“Not that one, baby.” He grabbed the “You’re all we ever wanted” onesie out of my hands. “This is the one we will take her home in,” he rasped, getting down on his knees to kiss my belly.

A few weeks after the miscarriage, I’d found myself in the baby’s room, crying for what felt like the millionth time. Skimming my fingers over the onesies that Austin was so excited to show me. All of it was just a painful reminder of what we would never be bringing home. I decided it was best for the both of us if I took all the baby stuff and store it back in the same box Austin had given me. Placing it back on the exact shelf where it was in the closet. Except this time, it wasn’t empty anymore. It now held all of our hopes and dreams inside of it.

All of our sadness and despair.

It was one of the last times I ever stepped foot back into that room. I held the box firmly in my sweaty hands, slowly walking toward the bed, each step bringing me closer to our truths. I sat down on the soft place that contained all our happy memories of the baby we lost.

My heart was pounding out my chest, my ears ringing, echoing all around the room. I placed the box in my lap and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. Preparing myself for I don’t know what or maybe I did know and didn’t want to come to grips with it. I removed the lid off the box and placed it beside me. Trying like hell to ease the fear I felt in my heart. The anxiety I couldn’t ignore for the last year and a half. Something led me there, and I had a feeling I knew exactly what that something was.

“He doesn’t lie to you, Briggs, he has never lied to you,” I reassured myself, opening my eyes.

Seeing for the first time, exactly how many f*cking lies he told me, and I believed him.

Every. Last. One.





Chapter 35





<>Austin<>



“Hey, man,” Dylan called out, bringing my attention over to him.

I placed the order for our dinner and made my way over to the boy’s table.

“Have a beer with us,” Lucas said, pulling out the chair next to him. “Barely seen you around lately, brother. Everything alright?”

Jacob handed me a beer and I took a swig, placing it down on the table.

“Just working,” I simply stated.

“Bullshit. We’re all f*cking working,” Jacob chuckled. “And we all have kids. Try again, motherf*cker.”

Dylan narrowed his eyes at me, and I played it off like I didn’t see it.

“We’re all f*ckin’ adults now. We’re not kids, and we’ve all gone through shit,” Dylan added only looking at me. “Fuckin’ talk. No judgments here.”

I took another swig of my beer, leaning back into my chair, resting the bottle in my lap.

“There’s so much shit you don’t know,” I scoffed out, shaking my head. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“How about from the beginning,” Jacob suggested.

All eyes were on me.

“No one has time for my life story.”

“Good, we don't want to hear how f*ckin’ borin’ you are. What's been going on with Briggs?” Dylan asked.