Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(117)

I was starting to see spots, my vision coming in and out of clarity. I blinked a few times to no avail. I leaned up against the wall for stability. The last thing I needed right now was to give her another reason to f*cking hate me.

“I fell in love with you when I was seventeen years old on a balcony without even knowing your name. I loved you then, did you know that? Now I can’t even f*cking look at you. It kills me to f*cking look at you! Do you have any idea how much I hate you for that! You were the only good thing in my life, Austin! The only f*cking happiness I’d ever had! How could you do this to me! How could you make me hate you! I f*cking hate you! I hate you so damn much! I hate your apologies! I hate your excuses! Your lies! Your f*cking love! Especially because I can’t stop loving you! And I want to… I want to stop loving you so f*cking bad it hurts everywhere inside of me. Especially here.” She put her hand against her heart. “But I can’t! I love you still and I f*cking hate you for that!” she bawled, her body shaking so f*cking hard it mirrored mine.

My girl stood there breaking in front of me and all I could do was stand there and watch her go down. I couldn’t comfort her. I couldn’t lie to her. I couldn’t do one damn thing but watch.

My body wouldn’t let me. It was dying right along with hers.

“Do you hear me?! Do you understand me?! I f*cking hate you! I HATE YOU! Do you even care?! Am I even important to you?! Do I even matter to you anymore? Or have I been replaced by your demons, Austin? By your f*cking drugs!”

“I love you more than anything,” I let out in one breath.

“LIAR! You’re such a f*cking liar!” she screamed out so damn loud.

Her body gave out on her and she crumbled to the ground, rocking back and forth on her knees. I shuddered. It reminded me of a waterfall, she was a pile of nothing at the bottom. Clutching the box tight against her chest. Wanting to feel closer to our baby. Wanting to keep my stash that I so desperately needed right now to survive, away from me.

“Why do you keep doing this to me? Why can’t you just stop? Why do you keep hurting me? After everything we have been through! Everything you have put me through! Why can’t you just love me? Me, Austin. Your girl. Why am I not enough for you, like you are for me! Why?” she bellowed, question after question with no pauses in between.

Not giving me a chance to speak, even though I couldn’t get my goddamn mouth to move.

I fell to the ground in pure agony for her.

For how I was feeling right that moment.

Pain.

Sliding against the wall, inch-by-inch, feeling every word she said to me, piercing my soul. Feeling every sensation that coursed through my veins, breaking my heart and will to keep going. I needed to make this better, but I couldn’t get the f*cking words out to talk to her.

My body wouldn’t let me.

The drugs had taken over.

It was like I was there, but I wasn’t. My body was in the room, but my mind was lost. I got on my hands and knees, and slowly crawled to her. Trying to reach for my angel as the devil clawed at my feet. Each movement made my sore muscles ache in ways I had never experienced before.

“Daisy…” I murmured so low, my voice sounding so distant.

I knew she couldn’t hear me over her sobs of despair. I watched the scene from above us as if I was having an out of body experience. Her sobs would forever haunt me. I would remember her like this, always. A curled up, broken woman tucked away in the corner, waiting for someone to heal her.

“Baby…” I whispered against her tear-stained face.

Her cheek felt so warm against my cold skin.

“I’m sorry… I’m so f*cking sorry…” I managed to say, kissing all over her face, soaking up her tears that were still falling from her torn eyes. “I love you… where’s my girl? Hmm… where’s my Daisy?” I whispered close to her ear so she could hear my sincerity.

She shook her head, closing her eyes, leaning away from me. At least that time she didn’t push me away.

“I’m sorry… I love you… please… baby… I love you…”

I sensed her resolve breaking. Her body betraying her like I had by giving into my embrace.

“I would never intentionally hurt you,” I reassured her, pulling her a little closer, feeling her warmth against my clammy exterior.

“I love you, Daisy. I love you more than anything. You know that. We’re best friends, remember?”

She winced still keeping her eyes shut. I pulled her hair back away from her face, grazing her cheeks with my trembling thumbs.

“You’re so f*cking beautiful. I’m so lucky to have you, baby. You’re all I ever wanted. All I ever needed. I’m sorry… I’m so f*cking sorry… you know I would die before hurting you. You know that. You’re my whole world.”

I shut my eyes, swallowing the bile that was rising in my throat. Leaning my forehead on her shoulder for support. I turned my face, laying soft kisses down her neck.

“Please… please… baby… I f*cking love you…”

I kissed all along her cheeks again, savoring the feel of her against me. All while battling the urge to tear the box out of her hands. My eye’s fixated on it.

“Why do you keep doing this to me?” she wept, breaking down against my lips when I reached hers.