Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(105)

“What the hell are you doin’, man?” I overheard Dylan ask as I walked toward them.

“Not this shit again. Give me a f*cking break,” Austin roared, raking him up and down.

“Wipe your nose a little better next time and maybe I won’t ask you.”

Austin immediately bowed his head, sniffling, cleaning his nose.

“Get out of my f*cking sight before I search you,” Dylan warned.

Austin took a deep breath like he wanted to say something, but at the last second changed his mind, turned and left. I didn’t have to wonder what he was going to say.

I knew the chance of relapse would be high. I just didn’t think it would happen that fast. Which I guess made me really naive.

“How long has it been this f*cking bad?” Dylan asked me, pulling me away from my thoughts.

I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I stood there dumbfounded as much as he was.

“Jesus Christ,” Dylan whispered, tugging his long hair back at the nook of his neck. That's when I noticed he was strapped and right next to that on his holster was a shiny badge.

“You’re a cop?”

“Detective,” he corrected me.

I had no idea. Austin never talked about his friends.

“Well, thanks for not searching him.”

“He’s my f*ckin’ brother, Briggs. I love him.”

“I know," I whispered, lowering my head, defeated.

He sighed. “I know he went through some shit after the car accident, but I thought… shit… I hoped he had worked it out. Especially having you by his side now. He f*ckin’ adores you, that's not hard to see." He shook his head. "I’ve never seen him look at anyone like he looks at you.”

“I love him more than anything in this f*cked up world. I’m trying, Dylan. I swear to God I’m trying. He's been clean up until now.”

“Try harder,” he simply stated and left.

I didn’t give our conversation too much thought. I needed to find Austin. After searching the house and asking if anyone had seen him, I found him. He was down at the beach, sitting in front of the shoreline with his arms draped over his knees. A cigarette in one hand.

I stopped when I was a few feet behind him, taking in how handsome he looked with the full moon shining down on him. The soft lighting was all around us with the gentle breeze blowing by. I wrapped my arms around my waist in a comforting gesture, needing any solace I could find.

“I used to come here as a kid. Watch the waves roll in, smell the saltwater in the air. It used to be my favorite place to not feel so f*cking lost. And here I am sitting in the same exact spot, more f*cking lost than I've ever been.”

“So those two weeks of Hell that we both went through to get you clean." I paused, trying to fight back tears. "They were for nothing? Why do you need drugs to escape, Austin? Why can’t you just face life like everyone else?”

A single tear slid down my face onto the sand between us.

“I’m sorry, baby.”

“You know what the worst part is? I knew the second I held Bo that you would relapse. I didn't want you to see me with him. It’s why I went with Alex into his room. The second I heard her say your name, I knew it was too late. I knew with every fiber of my being you would be f*cking weak, that you would betray me and use again. Just tell me one thing… did you already have them on you?”

“No. I’ve lived in Oak Island all my life, Briggs. It just took a phone call.”

“Do you have more?”

“I did but I threw it in the ocean.”

“And I'm suppose to believe you? I can’t do this anymore. I can’t—”

He was up and over to me in three strides.

“I won’t do it again. I promise. It was a one-time thing. I swear—”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t lie to you. I’ve never lied to you.”

“Omitting the truth is lying. Jesus Christ, Austin, you don’t have to say it for it to be a lie.”

“Baby…” He reached for me, and I stepped back, even though all I wanted was for him to hold me.

“Don't f*cking ‘baby’ me right now. I can’t go through watching you suffer again. I can’t keep going through this. Either you go to rehab or I’m gone. It's your choice.”

“I don’t need rehab. All I need is you.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t have just used.”





<>Austin<>


I bowed my head, rubbing the back of my neck like I always did when I was pissed. I had no one to blame but myself.

“Fuck,” I groaned, kicking at the sand. “Fuck,” I said a little louder. “FUUUUCK!” I finally screamed out, grabbing a rock from the sand. “Goddamn it, f*ck you!” I chucked it as hard as I could in front of me, cursing myself for being such a f*ck-up.

Breathing heavily, heart pounding, mind battling. Fighting all my thoughts, all my emotions, every last sentiment pulling me deeper and deeper until I didn’t know which way was up or down. Knowing the difference between what was right and what was wrong didn’t matter. All of it consumed me as if I were drowning in the waves of the ocean.