Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(100)

He hadn’t called me that since he learned the truth of what I did. My heart soared for the first time in a year.

“See who, Austin?”

“Our baby.”

“What are—”

“When I found out… that night…” he stuttered, not being able to say it. “I saw her. Through the haze. She was there. She has your eyes, Briggs. Your dad’s eyes. The only time I see her is when I stick a needle in my arm,” he scoffed out.

“Oh my God,” I breathed out.

He bowed his head, releasing a deep sigh. “I’m scared, baby. I’m so f*cking scared,” he confessed, looking at the traffic below us.

I immediately went to him, turning his body around to face me. Grabbing the sides of his face so he would look at me, like he had done so many times to me.

“I don’t know how to not be high anymore. It’s who I am now, Daisy. I don’t want to stop seeing our baby girl either.”

“I’ll be there every step of the way. We will do this together. I promise I won’t leave your side.”

“When I’m high I get to see the life we could have had. The life I promised you. It’s the only time I’m happy. It’s the only time I don’t feel the guilt over everything that’s become of us. Everything I’ve done. The hurt and pain I’ve caused you.”

“I know. I’m scared too, Austin. But I know in my heart.” I placed my hand over the scar near his heart. “I know you’re still in here. Buried deep within the pain that you keep masking with the drugs. The excuses you’re making to continue on your downward spiral, that’s only going to lead you nowhere but six feet under. I don’t want that. Please… don’t make me bury someone else I love. Please… don’t leave me alone. I need…” I said, my voice breaking. “We can make that dream a reality without the drugs… We can still have that life.”

“What if I’m not that person anymore? What if the man that you love so f*cking much is gone, baby? What if I can’t reach deep enough to find him anymore?”

“I love every single part of you. The good and the bad. Do you hear me?”

“I’m sorry, Daisy. I know I say it all the f*cking time. But I’m so f*cking sorry. For everything I have put you through. You’re still the only thing that matters to me.”

“No. I’m not. Your drugs are, but that’s why I brought you here. To save you.”

“I hate myself. I hate what I’ve done to us. To you. To our love. I hate that I made you feel like you didn’t have a choice when you got pregnant. Having a baby, a family, a life with you… it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t know how I lost my way. I don’t know how the drugs took over. I ask myself that every single day with no answers, with no excuses. I have nothing but the syringe that I keep injecting into my arms. Chasing the dragon down the rabbit hole that only takes me further and further away from you. It just takes away the pain.”

“Austin, I can’t help you unless you want to be helped. I can’t do this for you.”

“I can’t lose you. I’m nothing without you.” He caressed the side of my cheek, and I leaned into his embrace.

Soaking up his warmth.

His love.

His truth.

That I hadn’t felt in so long.

“I don’t want to go to rehab. I just need you. That’s all. I can do this at home with you by my side.”

I nodded, smiling.

He caught my expression in the air and placed it near his heart. He hadn’t done that in years.

And for the first time, it gave me hope that everything was going to be okay.





Chapter 30





<>Briggs<>



“Please… please… please… baby… just give me one hit to take the edge off… just one f*cking hit… I’m dying, Briggs… I feel like I’m f*cking dying…” Austin wailed.

Two days went by, but it felt more like an eternity. I hated seeing him in so much pain. The withdrawals crippling him in ways I never thought were possible.

“Baby… just let me have a taste… just a taste… it hurts… it f*cking hurts…” he slurred, grinding his teeth and shaking to the core.

It didn’t matter if I put three layers of blankets on him, he couldn’t stop shivering. His body was convulsing and he was in and out between hot and cold sweats.

I was sitting on the bed with my back against the headboard. Austin’s head was on my lap, his arms securely wrapped around my waist. He was sweating profusely as if he had just stood in the pouring rain. His body trembling so hard that it vibrated the entire bed.

I was lightly rubbing his head, trying my best to ease his discomfort. Anytime I touched any other place on his body he said my skin felt like daggers against his sensitive flesh.

That stung my heart, but I knew it was the withdrawals talking.

“Baby! Please, please! I’m f*cking dying! It hurts… everything f*cking hurts… please, just a taste,” he groaned in pure agony, punching his legs from the intense muscle spasms.

Arching his back then contracting into a ball like a possessed man.

“Austin… shhh… you’re okay… you’re okay… come on… I know… baby…” I soothed the best I could, knowing it didn’t mean anything.