Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(97)

“Daddy, you need to wake up. Mommy needs you now. Come on, sleepy head, get out of bed. Go back to Mommy. She needs you more than I do. I’m fine. We will meet one day. I promise.”

I tried to talk to her, to reach for her, but every time I did my baby girl would move further and further back into the light. Away from me. Always leaving me without my consent, without my approval.

This was the closest I had ever been to her. Usually I just saw her bright blue eyes staring back at me. Sometimes she would be twirling around, playing, laughing, and smiling.

I didn’t want her to leave me. I wanted to take her in my arms and never let her go.

“Come on, Austin, don’t do this to me!” Briggs yelled from above me, clapping her hands in my face.

Slapping my cheeks.

Shaking my body.

“Daddy, I love you. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.”

I reached for her again when she appeared right next to me. She didn’t leave me that time. For the first time since I started seeing her a year ago after the night I started my own demise. She let me hold her. I held her so f*cking tight. I felt her soft baby skin against my arms. The smell of her baby scent surrounded me. I wanted to tell her I loved her, I loved her more than anything but my mouth wouldn’t move.

I couldn’t get it to f*cking move.

“I know, Daddy. I love you, too,” she said as if she read my mind. “But it’s not your time yet. Mommy needs you now. Okay? So you need to wake up now. Do it for me, Daddy. Wake up for me…”

Her last words faded into the distance and she was gone. Torn out of my grasp.

I screamed, “NO!”

Over and over again but no sound came out.

My lips were moving to no avail.

“No, baby, don’t leave me again. No, no, no, come back to me, baby girl. I’ll change. I swear I’ll change. Just come back to me. I don’t want to live in a world without my baby. God, f*cking take me now. I’ve been punished enough. I’m so f*cking sorry…”

“AUSTIN! Please don’t do this to me! Wake up!” Briggs screamed.

I slightly opened my eyes, the light blinding me immediately. My baby girl was gone. But the same pair of bright blue eyes were now staring down at me.

“Babe, what the f*ck?” I groaned out, my mouth dry as f*ck.

“Oh my God! You stopped breathing! You f*cking stopped breathing!” she shouted too close to my face.

Almost to the point of hysterics.

“What? No… I just closed my eyes for a second. I must have fallen asleep. Where is she?” I whispered, my throat burned.

“Are you f*cking kidding me? I went to take a shower and when I came out, you weren’t f*cking breathing, Austin! What did you take? What the f*ck did you take? And who the hell are you talking about?”

I shook my head, squeezing my temples.

“Baby, my head is pounding, please stop screaming. I’m fine, okay? Look.” I opened my eyes, blinking away the fogginess to focus on her face. “See. I’m fine,” I repeated, closing my eyes again, unable to see her clearly.

Hoping she would come back.

My daughter.

Our baby girl.

“Jesus Christ, Austin. I think you just OD’ed. What if I hadn’t been here? What if—”

“Briggs, I didn’t OD. Stop. I’m fine. I must have fallen into a deep sleep or something,” I reasoned, rubbing her leg as she sat next to me on the bed. “Relax,” I coaxed.

“A deep sleep where you stop f*cking breathing? Really? What the f*ck kind of sleep is that?”

“Oh my God, Briggs! Fuck! Cut this bullshit. I’m f*cking fine. I’m breathing. I’m awake. My head is f*cking pounding, so please just leave me alone.” I rolled away from her.

I knew she was glaring at me even though my eyes were closed. She was overreacting. I was fine. I didn’t do anymore dope than I usually did. I just wanted to go to sleep.

Our relationship had become strained over the last year or so. I was barely working anymore. Just disappearing more often than not. I didn’t know how hours turned into days, shit blended together more frequently. I loved Briggs but I couldn’t forgive her for what she had done, as much as I wanted to forget, as much as I tried to, and yet I couldn’t let her go. Feeling miserable with her was better than enduring life without her.

“Baby, come here. I’m sorry. I’m just tired. Okay? I’m sorry… come here. I love you. Where’s my girl? Come here,” I coaxed, pulling her into my arms.

She came effortlessly, she always did. It was like we both needed it, I needed to hold her as much as she needed to be held.

I rolled to my side, tucking her against my body, pulling her in tight so we were one. She curled up in the nook of my arm, her face pressed against her favorite scar near my heart. I felt her softly kiss it as I kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, Briggs. I love you more than anything. I would never intentionally hurt you. Tell me you know that.”

I held her closer, tighter, wrapping her up with my legs, not just my arms. Coming in and out of consciousness, I was still so f*cking tired, so f*cking out of it. I thought I felt her crying or maybe I heard her, f*ck… maybe I was imagining that too.

I couldn’t tell the difference from reality or a dream anymore.

“You’re my girl. You’ll always be my girl. No matter what,” I softly murmured, letting sleep and darkness take over.