Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(92)

“No!” she yelled out, chucking the glass of sparkling cider that was in her hand at the wall behind me.

Liquid and glass flew everywhere.

“The f*ck? Jesus Christ! You can’t be this upset that I found the ultras—”

“No! Are you f*cking blind? This is about you, not me! I don’t know you! I don’t know the man you have become, Austin! I’ve been living with a complete stranger for almost four years! My Austin is gone! The drugs took him away from me!” she screamed, shaking to the core with anger.

I set my glass down on the table, putting my hands out in a surrendering gesture. I knew her emotions were running wild, that I had hurt her and she was just lashing out.

“I know. Calm down. This isn’t good for the bab—”

“THERE IS NO FUCKING BABY!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, falling to the floor, burying her head in her hands.

Sobs consuming her entire body.

I instantly stepped back, blown away by her words. A sense of loss settled over me. I didn’t know what she was talking about. I saw the ultrasound. I saw our baby with my own two f*cked up eyes. I didn’t go to her. I didn’t comfort her. I started to pace back and forth, my hands roughly pulling at my hair, knowing that she was about to rip my f*cking heart out.

“What are you—”

“Jesus, Austin… haven’t you seen me? When was the last time you really looked at me before today? I’ve barely been able to get off the couch because I’ve been recovering.”

I grimaced, locking eyes with her. “Recovering? Recovering from what, Briggs? What the f*ck have you been recovering from?”

She placed her hand over her mouth, holding the truth in.

“ANSWER ME!”

She just sat there on the floor in front of me, drowning in her own misery and shook her head no. Not wanting to tell me, as if she didn’t tell me, if she didn’t say it out loud then it wasn’t true.

She didn’t do it.

“You killed my baby. Didn’t you?” I spewed, saying it for her. “Is that what you’re recovering from, Briggs? Killing our f*cking child?!” I seethed, beyond livid, beyond reason or doubt.

I couldn’t see straight. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something.

How could she have done this to me?

To us?

She shook her head, getting up on her feet and narrowing her eyes at me.

“NO! You don’t get to be the victim here, Austin! Have you seen our home? Have you seen what you’ve done to our goddamn home? What you’ve let inside our house? I would never bring a child into this world! Not in a million f*cking years! You’re never f*cking sober! What do you think would have happened to Molly? That little girl at the party if I hadn’t walked in here when I did? Huh? Tell me!”

I scoffed. “That’s why you killed our baby? That’s your justification for killing my child? Without f*cking telling me!” I violently roared.

My fists clenched at my sides. My anger taking control, seeping out of my blood onto the woman that I thought I knew.

“What about you, Briggs? Hmmm… even if I f*cked up, you couldn’t have raised our kid? Are you that f*cking cruel? You didn’t have to f*cking kill it!”

“Stop saying that,” she gritted out.

“Stop saying what? The truth? What would you like me to stop saying? Because trust me, baby. I’m not even close to saying what I really f*cking want right now.”

“You want to talk about truths. How about this one? My parents died. Were killed in a car accident. Were taken away from me in the blink of an eye, and I had no control over it. Not one. Who took me in, Austin? Who raised me? In this life. In this godforsaken life! That little girl, Molly … her mom died too. You know who she was here with? You know who brought her to your party? Sat her down at a table full of drugs with junkies all around. Leaving her to fend for her goddamn self! HER FATHER! And you know who let it happen? YOU! Why? Because you were too f*cked up to even care. That’s why! That’s f*cking selfish! I would never be able to live with myself knowing that if anything were to happen to me, my child would be raised in this life by you! Or by my uncle! Do you understand me?” she paused to let her words sink in, raking me up and down with a look of disgust.

“That’s why I did it. And it almost f*cking killed me. I f*cking hate myself for it. But where have you been, Austin? Because the man I fell in love with would have known that something was wrong with me! The second I walked through the f*cking door. You would still be oblivious to my pain had you not found the ultrasound picture that I placed behind that picture. That picture is not us anymore, we are not that couple anymore. I’ve been living in hell, mourning the life I took away for six goddamn weeks, Austin, while you’ve been lost in your hazed world.”

I took in everything she was saying.

Every. Last. Word.

“You say you don’t know me, Briggs. That I’m not the same man you fell in love with. Well, then, baby, that f*cking makes two of us. I have no idea who you are either because the woman I love would have never killed our baby. I may be an addict, but at least I’m not a murderer,” I viciously spewed, regretting it immediately.

Words could cut you open like knives, and I knew I just sliced away a huge part of her heart with what I said. I couldn’t take it back. As much as I wanted to, the damage was already done. I knew she would never forget my words, but I prayed to God that one day she would forgive them.