Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(89)

“You haven’t said one word to me, Briggs. Not one f*cking word in over a month,” I stated the truth.

“And that’s supposed to make this okay?” She held up the pipe she found in my jeans.

I must have placed it in there after we stopped smoking. I didn’t even remember doing it.

“All I’m trying to say is that I f*cking miss you, baby. I miss you so much that I can’t breathe. I can’t function without you.”

“I miss you too, Austin. I miss you more than you’ll ever know.”

“Then why are you doing this to us? Us. Briggs.”

“How do you not see it? How can you be so f*cking blind? You’re always f*cked up, Austin. I don’t remember the last time I saw you sober, that’s how bad this is.”

“That’s not true,” I said, shaking my head.

“Really? What are you on right now?”

My eyes widened. “Pain pills. What I’m always f*cking on. What I’ve been on—”

“For pain! For f*cking pain! How many have you taken today? Ten, fifteen, maybe twenty? What does it take for you to not feel pain anymore? It’s not about the pain!”

She roughly tore her chin away from my grasp, looking deep into my eyes.

“It hasn’t been about the pain in years! It’s about you being high now. It’s about you being f*cked up! How you can’t see that is beyond me!”

“Jesus Christ.” I stood, peering down at her. “Do I not function? Do I not f*ck you good anymore? Do I not make you come enough? Am I not bringing in the money? Huh? What am I not doing? I take care of you! I’m not sitting around just doing f*cking drugs, Briggs! I’m not a f*cking junkie!”

She stood up, right in front of my face, pointing her finger into my chest and spoke with conviction, “No, Austin. You’re just a f*cking addict.”

She turned around to leave before I had a chance to respond to her allegations.

“Baby.” I grabbed her arm, turning her to face me.

She immediately shut her eyes as if it pained her to look at me. I reached up instead, holding onto the sides of her face, willing her to open her eyes for me.

“Daisy,” I lovingly coaxed.

I only ever called her that when I really needed her…

To look at me.

To talk to me.

To listen to me.

To feel me…

“I love you. I love you so f*cking much. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I f*cked up. I know that. But baby, I’m not an addict. I don’t have a problem. I can stop whenever I want. I just got caught up for a minute okay? That’s it,” I explained, caressing her cheeks with my thumbs.

Praying that she would believe me.

“Almost four years, Austin,” she murmured loud enough for me to hear. “Your minute has turned into almost four years, babe.”

I grimaced, backing away from her.

Had it really been that long? No, she’s wrong.

My mind was spiraling, trying to find some clarity. Some truth within the haze.

She opened her eyes and they mirrored more fear, more worry, and more love than I had seen in forever, like she was answering the questions that immediately plagued my mind.

When did she start looking at me like that?

Neither one of us said anything. We said it all. The silence was deafening all around us. The air was so f*cking thick between us. That I couldn’t breathe.

She was the first to break our connection, as if she could no longer bear to see the man staring back at her. I didn’t stop her when she turned to leave this time. I stood there and watched the love of my life walk out the door, terrified that she wouldn’t ever come back. I couldn’t will myself to move, my feet were glued to the goddamn floor, the ground swallowing me whole.

I collapsed onto the edge of the bed, my legs no longer able to support my weight. My inner demons were taking over.

My worst fears coming to life.

I cradled my head in my hands. My mind was racing, my head was throbbing, and my heart was breaking. Every last part of me left with Briggs through that door.

The picture frame of us on the nightstand caught my attention. I reached over and grabbed it, remembering the day we took it. She was so happy, so beautiful. She had so much life in her eyes. So much light that I put there.

“When did we lose our way, baby?” I whispered to her face in the picture.

My fingers skimmed along the glass, all around her beautiful face. My eyes blurred and sobs tore through my entire body. The truths crippling me in ways I never thought possible. Before I knew what I was doing, I had my hand in the air, chucking the frame against the wall in front of me. Shards of glass crashed to the ground in an instant.

Mimicking my soul.

A separate small square picture caught my eye. I got up, my feet moving on their own accord toward the shattered frame on the wooden floor. I pushed away the broken glass holding up a black and white picture.

It was then I understood.

It was then I realized.

A sense of calm instantly came over me.

I held my entire future in the palm of my hand.





<>Briggs<>


I felt as lost as I did back before Austin came into my life. I almost found myself driving to the Brooklyn Bridge to seek solace, clarity or something, anything but the pain and sadness that had taken over and made itself home in my heart. Instead I just drove around aimlessly, hiding underneath the hoodie of my sweatshirt, leaning my head against the window. I was locked away in my own thoughts, my mind held captive by the feelings and emotions that were spilling out of my soul.