Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(104)

“At least she’s legal now,” I joked with a shit-eating grin on my face.

“Fuck you,” he scoffed out, smiling.

“Does Lucas know?”

He shook his head no.

“At least I won’t be the only one he’s ever hated.”

He stopped scooping food on his plate to look at me with a questioning stare and replied, “You think he will hate me?”

“You think he won’t?” I countered with a cocked eyebrow.

“I don’t f*cking know… I love her. I’ve always loved her.”

I knew he was telling the truth. The way he looked at her spoke volumes.

“Lily has always had that effect on people. It doesn’t surprise me, man.”

“So, Briggs, huh?” he asked, changing the subject. “You next? Marriage and a baby carriage and all that shit?”

I winced. I couldn’t help it.

“Shit… did I—”

“I’m going to take this food to Briggs,” I cut him off.

Making my way back toward Briggs with my demons sitting right on my f*cking shoulders. The craving to use was so goddamn intense. I thought I had a pretty good handle on my sobriety, but the mere mention of what started my demise had me crumbling in minutes. My heart was beating out of my chest and sweat began to pool at my temples.

I was jonesing.

I stopped in the hallway, realizing that I had gotten lost dealing with my internal struggle.

And the irony was not lost on me.

I closed my eyes, needing to get a hold of my emotions. My desire to relapse was running deep, taunting me with each step that I took in the wrong direction. All I saw was Briggs’ beautiful happy face, smiling, laughing for me.

I took a deep breath, turning around. Once again gaining control over my turmoil and plaguing thoughts.

Was it always going to be like this?

“Oh my God, Alex, he’s gorgeous.”

I stopped dead in my tracks, recognizing Briggs' voice instantly. I stood there frozen, listening to what sounded like a baby cooing.

“He is pretty perfect, but I’m biased,” Alex replied, laughing. “Would you like to hold him?”

“Oh… umm… are you sure? I have zero experience with babies, Alex. Is that okay?” She let out a nervous laugh.

“Of course, you have to start somewhere. Here, put your arms in a cradle position and just support his head and you’re good.”

My feet started to move forward through the narrow hallway as if a goddamn rope was pulling them. I found myself following their voices, fighting against the current every step of the way. I knew I should have turned around.

I knew what I was about to witness.

But I couldn’t stop. The gravitational pull was too strong. The force too powerful to fight against it.

“Awe, you look really good holding him, Briggs. It suits you. He’s usually fussy around new people, and he doesn’t even seem fazed by you. That’s a good sign, it means you’re going to be a great mom someday,” Alex said, ripping my heart out of my f*cking chest with her words.

"Bo, you are so precious. Look at these chubby cheeks. Alex, he is going to be a heart breaker."

The dagger that was already lodged in my heart, twisted a little more.

"God help me if he's anything like his daddy," Alex laughed.

“I can’t wait. I want to be a mom so bad. To wake up and see a face like this everyday would melt my heart. I’d love to have a family since I didn’t really have one growing up. Holding him right now is making me wish I had one of my own.”

I willed my body to walk the f*ck away. To walk back in the other direction. I didn't need to hear this, not now when I was struggling to stay clean. But I stopped when I heard my name.

“Austin would make an amazing dad, Briggs. He’s always liked kids. Even when we were younger and the other boys didn’t want anything to do with them.”

“Yeah…” Briggs replied in a sad tone. “I’d love that. To have a family with him. It’s all I’ve ever wanted,” she added her voice breaking. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional.”

“It’s okay. Baby Bo has that effect on women, he gets it from his dad.”

They laughed.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the room. Watching Briggs cradle and rock Bo as if he were her own.

As if he was ours.

She leaned her lips against his face and kissed his cheeks, looking at him adoringly, loving him immediately.

“Austin,” Alex announced, looking up.

Briggs grimaced, shutting her eyes almost instantly.

“Come meet Bo. Although, I don’t know if Briggs is going to give him up. I think she has baby fever. Maybe it’s time you—”

Briggs interrupted, "Alex."

Locking eyes with me.

There was so much sorrow behind them. She held everything she ever wanted in her arms. It was like my best dream and my worst nightmare right in front of my eyes.

Except there was no waking up.

This was my reality.

And that…

Was my biggest f*cking demon.





<>Briggs<>


Call it intuition if you would, but the second I saw Austin coming out of the bathroom later that evening, I knew. Clear as f*cking day he had just used. I wanted to call him out on it and yell at him for going back down this road again.